What should I do with this situation? [Archive]

Alexander The Great

May 2nd, 2012, 12:59 PM

Since the beginning of year 10 (my current school year), I was put on the same table as this polish girl, and we got on REALLY well, and then in our science lessons (chemistry physics and biology) I'd mess around a bit with her, and then we started talking on facebook and became really good friends. I never actually fancied her, and I don't think she fancied me, so it was just a normal friendship. Her english isn't the best, so there was a bit of a language barrier problem. Anyway, we never actually met up after school or anything. Then, 2 weeks before her gran died (I will come on to this in a bit), she was upset because her aunt was in hospital, and she had skype but couldn't talk or cam or anything, so I just spoke to her with my cam on, cracked jokes and said funny things, and she typed into the chat her responses as such. The next day she told me that she really really appreciated what I did the night beforehand. It was then that I started to grow feelings for her. So everything was nice and usual, and I even made friends with her best friend (who is also polish, but has only been in england for 2 years and has VERY limited english). Then, all of a sudden she was mortified because her gran had died, and her gran meant a lot to her, because she has a pretty shit family back in polan (she said this). So they went to poland for a week for the funeral, and she went onto facebook 2 or 3 days during her stay. When she came back, and I saw her, I could immediately tell stuff would never be the same again. I still tried to be normal (i understand that she was going through a lot of shit), so I took it easy, and after 1 or 2 weeks things sort of climbed back up to normal again. But after that, our facebook conversations became worse (i would say a bit, then she would reply back with a convo killer, or something short). Our real life friendship was also beginning to suffer, and eventually I just thought "I'm wasting my time trying to talk to her", so I basically said to her that I was a bit annoyed because our conversations where getting nowhere, and our real life friendship was also quite shit. I never got a reply to that message, but she definitely read it, because in school she never even looked at me, and after a day or so I just gave up all together, and ever since we have never spoken. I will give these girls names now. The girl I fell out with is called Kasia, and the one I still speak to is called Szejn. Now, whenever I was on a facebook conversation with szejn, somehow kasia made it to the subject (I may well have brought her up, but I know sometimes szejn definitely did). Now, yesterday I suddenly got a message and it was from kasia, so I was quite excited, but then I saw the contents "this is from szejn..." and then just some foolery which szejn sometimes does (its just a thing we have). The reason it came from kasia's account is because they were outside and szejn doesn't have a phone, and used kasias account to get to me basically. When kasia properly came online (when they were at home), she didnt say anything, and today was the usual...pretty much nothing happened. However, they re-did the seating plan (earlier this year they split us), and now Kasia is on the desk behind me, and she asked me to pick her pen up which she dropped on the floor next to me (I know it means nothing, but there you go :P).

As far as what happened to our friendship, don't say "You weren't there for her when her gran died"...I was up till 3 Am texting her and comforting her, and she did say it was really kind of me to do that. However, it was on that night when she said that I had really made a difference to her, that I told her I had feelings for her. She said that made her happy, but she only wanted a friendship. I was cool with that. A few days before our breakup, however (this is what worries me), I really wasn't thinking, and I have never been secure about my looks, and she has never ever ever (in fact, no one has) said anything about my looks, so I asked her if she could rate my 'friends' body, and so I took a picture of myself without the face, and she instantly said "thats you isn't it" and so I said yeah...and then just said forget about it, and she was ok with that, and at first it definitely seemed like she had (I am quite confident this had nothing to do with her suddenly losing interest). Before we broke up, I did ask her why she was slowly losing interest, and she said "its not you, but recently I've been speaking to 9 people at once". I told szejn about that, and she said "She's lying, Kasia doesn't speak to 9 people :P". I'm not sure where Szejn knows that from, but I feel I can trust her.

I would appreciate any replies (very sorry for bad structuring, but I didn't really know how else to put it). If someone is really serious about helping me, I can send a few more details in (very minor, but they may help) via PM if you send me one requesting them :P

Many many thanks for reading this, and I hope you can help me out of this :)

venture2000

May 3rd, 2012, 09:45 AM

I know it's hard on you man but try to give it some time. I'm going through a tough situation too that has been going on for a couple months now but sometimes you just have to wait it out to give everyone involved some space.

She is probly still grieving bc of her grandmother dying and sometimes people feel like when they are sad they have to be sad all the time so they push away people that might make them happier. I'm sure that if she needs a friend for comfort she knows that she can come to u bc u said that she appreciated u staying up with her and consoling her on Skype.

If u talk to her, just make sure that you let her know that u respect her feelings for you which is just a friendship and so if u r not going to date you dont want to lose the friendship to. If u aren't really talking right now, maybe just try little things every now and then to let her no that u r still thinking about her, like since u have her on Facebook, u could like her status or a picture of the two of u together, just small things like that to ermind her that your still around.

Have you talked to her Polish friend about it? Can she tell you anymore about why Kasia is feeling/acting how she is? bc in my situation having my friend who will help me is huge right now. Can you check out my thread called Pls help me talk to my parents about this and give me some advice in return, dude? thanks