Selfharm as punishment

[josh_varnadoe1]

To start things off, I've known my girlfriend since 9th grade and we offcially started dating back in December of 2011. I love her to death and she loves me to death too, to sum things up, we're in love with each other. One thing though, she's like her mom and has a short temper, of chorse I look past that, but she gets frustrated with me a lot.

I blame this on myself. I am Bi Polar; I have racing thoughts, mild depression, Social Phobia, anxiety, I'm Autistic, and I have Post Tramtic Stress Disorder (PTSD). She doesn't mind the problems I have but she gets tired of the hearing the same things over and over again and I can't help the way I am. My old step father was verbally abusive and he's to blame to why I have all these mental disabilities.

Anyways, I like to be with her 24/7 because I don't really have anyone else and even if I did, I love her to death and want to be around her. But she want's her space sometimes and I can't get that through my head. I blame it on the mental disabilities I have; they make me do the things I do like walk her to class, stay with her class until the last minute before the bell rings. I feel like I have no self control over myself.

Eventually she gets really frustrated with me, and with my mental diablilites, I cry a lot. Somstimes I'll try to over take medication or slice my wrist until I have a river of blood running down the palm of my hand as punishment for making her mad at me. Eventually she realizes why mad she was and says shes sorry. And we fight, but we love each other, but I have the fact that with these racing thoughts, I lose control of myself and start slicing myself.

Any advice? Please tell me what I can do. I don't want to slice myself as punishment anymore or cling to her and make her feel like I'm suffocating her. Please help.

Thank you all.

[Desuetude]

You don't want to start this, I know sometimes it can feel like it's helping but at the end of the day the few seconds of pain and the feeling of release isn't worth the scars. It's great that you're asking for help now before things go too far down the line.

Talk to her about what you're feeling and how her actions make you feel. You should be able to talk to each other about anything and trust/help each other when you need to. Also, if you feel as though you're suffocating her and being around her too much give yourself something else to do. Could you start up a hobby or something that could take up a little bit of time and keep you busy. Maybe a sport, photography, write a book or even get your own allotment there are so many ways to fill your time.

You don't deserve to be punished though, you need to remember that she cares about you a lot and wouldn't want you getting hurt, least of all by yourself. When you feel like you want to cut try scribbling on paper and ripping it up or snapping an elastic band. Something that might give you the same satisfaction that doesn't involve hurting yourself. I know it might not be exactly the same but it's certainly better.

[josh_varnadoe1]

Thank you so much. I'll take your advice to consideration. I'll talk to her about how frustrated she gets with me and see if she can't calm down a bit. I mean with the mental disabilities I have, my mind can't stand when someone is angry with me because then I start doing things to myself like trying to cut myself. I've never been able to take people being angry at me very well. I try to make everyone one around me happy.

Again, thanks.