Problems with manhood. Everybody calls me gay

[Dishonored]

I dont know if its my mannerisms or my aura or my shyness. I hear alot of strangers say do you think hes gay. I doesnt help that I put effort in my appearance lest some girl laugh at me and that Im mot masculine. The nurse at the clinic started calling me she when "I guess" I wanted to get bigger(muscles in stuff). But Im all ready muscular. My science teacher(who is a woman)picked my bully for the fire expiriment because he "wasnt afraid his hair will catch on fire".I Im not assertive because I have low self esteem.My dad says Ill be someones wife like my brother. But he would be the one crying and whining about how good of a father he was if I vanished. I cant figure out if I was picked on for being sh1tty, and I became shy, or If I was picked on for being shy and became shyer and sh1ttier. Im afraid to stand up for myself and say no. I feel like a coward and a mistake

[Sonic Boom]

It sounds like you have become more withdrawn because people (including your dad) have said and done some hurtful things.

I know it's difficult, but don't focus on what others think of you too much. What's important is whether YOU are happy with your appearance and mannerisms.

And a good way to overcome shyness and low esteem is to knock- their- socks- off with something you're really good at (or something you really enjoy). This is not a quick- fix solution, but more of a process. Your shyness will diminish gradually.

Lastly, you are NOT a mistake. Because no one is :)

[Mortal Coil]

Awww :hug:
I used to get picked on a lot, and imagine people still talk shit about me behind my back, but what I did was reinvent myself. I'm not telling you what to do, or to change who you are, but what I did was:
> Listen to angry punk/metal music
> Change my wardrobe to sometimes extremely outlandish/punky/gothic clothes
> Adopt the "Don't give a fuck" attitude (helped by wearing the ridiculous clothes)
> Fake it 'till you make it: at first I was really self-conscious, and kind of had to force myself to act like I didn't care about their disapproving looks, but now I plan to cover my arms and back with fake tattoos and go to prom with fucking liberty spikes. (http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/emogirl27/default/benji-liberty-spikes--large-msg-119846676996.jpg)
> After doing this you will have a new attitude and be a lot more outgoing. It takes time, but it definitely does change your outlook on life and people.

Like I said before, don't change yourself completely, it's just a suggestion.

PS. You're NOT a mistake. You deserve a lot more than you get.

[Dishonored]

thanks for the kind words. I really do want to change and gain that attitude, and not care what people think. Ive been trying to think positive and not dwell but the past is too relevent and the present sucks