Vinegar in cuts

[Weeping_Angel]

Ok. So I dabbed vinegar into my cuts, and it hurt like fuck, and I loved it. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm becoming something thatim not. Something so horrid, it's tearing me apart, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm always having sadistic thoughts, and I'm doing crazy things to myself...

[Noxail]

Been there. You're not going crazy, and you're not sadistic, you're you. Self Harmers seep somthing from the cutting, or burning, or picking. Personally, I find my own blood very interesting and very, very calming. That's why I don't burn, I cut, you don't normally get blood with a burn. And the pain jerks me back to reality, when otherwise, I'd be in the middle of a panic attack. Some people, like you, need the pain for some reason or another. That's okay. I don't advise SH, but don't beat yourself up. Your not that different after all ;) :rolleyes: ~Holli

[Weeping_Angel]

Been there. You're not going crazy, and you're not sadistic, you're you. Self Harmers seep somthing from the cutting, or burning, or picking. Personally, I find my own blood very interesting and very, very calming. That's why I don't burn, I cut, you don't normally get blood with a burn. And the pain jerks me back to reality, when otherwise, I'd be in the middle of a panic attack. Some people, like you, need the pain for some reason or another. That's okay. I don't advise SH, but don't beat yourself up. Your not that different after all ;) :rolleyes: ~Holli

Thanks Holly. It means a lot. :heart:

[love is louder]

doesnt vinegar have like an acetic acid, which can cleanse and disinfect wounds? so dont feel bad about it. in a kind of indirect way its making you safer.

[FullyAlive]

I used to pour nail varnish remover in mine so yeah it's not abnormal just not as common as just cutting. Obviously I'd encourage you to stop and to try and stop cutting altogether but I realise that wasn't the aim of this thread.

I'm not exactly sure what sort of sadistic thoughts your having but if it's getting out of hand your best bet is always professional help. Talking it through to a trained professional can often be beneficial when approached in the correct way. If this isn't an option then maybe writing them down will help, just write what you think and feel somewhere and try to get it out of your head?

[Weeping_Angel]

I used to pour nail varnish remover in mine so yeah it's not abnormal just not as common as just cutting. Obviously I'd encourage you to stop and to try and stop cutting altogether but I realise that wasn't the aim of this thread.

I'm not exactly sure what sort of sadistic thoughts your having but if it's getting out of hand your best bet is always professional help. Talking it through to a trained professional can often be beneficial when approached in the correct way. If this isn't an option then maybe writing them down will help, just write what you think and feel somewhere and try to get it out of your head?

Ok. So, my sadistic thoughts aren't actually getting put to action, and I do write them down, in poetry form... I don't want to talk to anyone, because they'd not genuinely care, they're just in it for the money or some other shit..

[FullyAlive]

No, i've met some shitty case workers and social workers. But from what i've seen doctors, counsellors, therapists, psychologists do appear to care somehow. It's a difficult job they do it for some reason. However like I said if you approach with the attitude of this won't help me, they don't care etc etc then it won't for talking to someone like that ever to really work you need to be willing to work with them.

[Weeping_Angel]

No, i've met some shitty case workers and social workers. But from what i've seen doctors, counsellors, therapists, psychologists do appear to care somehow. It's a difficult job they do it for some reason. However like I said if you approach with the attitude of this won't help me, they don't care etc etc then it won't for talking to someone like that ever to really work you need to be willing to work with them.

But I can't. I always have the feeling that they will go talk about it behind my back. I really don't know, but I know I can't talk to anyone.

[FullyAlive]

Okay paranoia I can very much understand. It's difficult to talk to anyone when you feel like that. But I spent months refusing to talk and it was pointless and only extended the time I spent like that.

By law they can't tell anyone what you say to them, I think you should be considering seeing someone.

[Weeping_Angel]

Okay paranoia I can very much understand. It's difficult to talk to anyone when you feel like that. But I spent months refusing to talk and it was pointless and only extended the time I spent like that.

By law they can't tell anyone what you say to them, I think you should be considering seeing someone.

I think I should also, but I can't. And that's why I'm completely fucked up. Because i can't trust.

[FullyAlive]

They are accomodating with that though it's pretty common to meet teenagers who won't trust them. I have it wrote down in various notes and refferals that my refusal to talk for the first few weeks isn't that I don't want to but an inability to trust and open up quickly.

I think it's worth trying to talk to someone for some help if you can't do it by yourself. Therapists are trained professionals and will have met with many patients with paranoia and trust issues it won't be anything new they'll work around it.

[Truth]

Ok. So, my sadistic thoughts aren't actually getting put to action, and I do write them down, in poetry form... I don't want to talk to anyone, because they'd not genuinely care, they're just in it for the money or some other shit.. I genuinely care. I'm just some random person who is insignificant to you, but every time you are sad; it hurts me... Not literally, but it makes me sad to think such amazing people like you can feel so much sadness.

You are an amazing person; no matter what you do. Cutting doesn't define you; so no matter how much you do it you will always be the same person.

I truly hope you can find something to replace it, something to make you happy. I do not know what that is, but if you ever need to talk, send me a message.