Shadowsinthedark
May 1st, 2012, 03:58 PM
Hi all.
Well, I've been cutting for a while now, due to feeling depressed, constantly feeling alone and empty, and longing to feel something other than emptiness. For the first few nights, I thought nothing of it, it made me feel better, I thought I'd be able to stop whenever I wanted to. After about three weeks of it, I decided I wanted to stop, as it was getting too much to hide all the cuts and it had hit me that self harming isn't worth it for just a few seconds relief. However, I kept getting urges to cut... and I couldn't resist these urges. I couldn't tell anyone, not even my best friends, because I was scared they'd call me pathetic, stupid, weak etc. The fact I couldn't tell anyone made it worse, and I cut more, unable to ask for help, and having no idea how to stop myself, it just got worse. After about a month, I eventually got the courage to tell my best friend, Harvey, about it (he used to cut due to being bullied about his sexuality) and he gave me a hug, and thanked me for having the courage to tell him so he could help me. Things got a bit easier then, because Harvey knew, and he was trying to help me stop, I started cutting less, but didn't stop completely. If I needed to talk, Harvey would be there, and he'd make several attempts to calm me down and cheer me up, to stop me grabbing a blade.
A few days ago, Harvey introduced me to the Butterfly Project, which he had found when he was browsing the internet. The Butterfly Project is where you draw a butterfly on your wrist in a marker pen, (you could get someone that means a lot to you to draw it if you wanted, or that would make it more special), and name it after someone you love or someone who you care about. You can choose whether you want to write their name underneath or not. Anyway, if you cut, burn or self harm in any way whilst the butterfly is still there, you kill the person you love. You cannot scrub off the butterfly, you just have to leave it and wait for it to fade.
After being told about the Butterfly Project, I wasted no time in trying it. I drew four butterflies, one for each of my best friends. Needless to say, Harvey was the first butterfly I drew, and he's also the biggest. It's been three days since I've cut, this is the longest I've gone without cutting since I first started, and I am extremely proud of myself. Just hoping I can keep this up :). I would recommend the Butterfly Project to you all, as it is working a treat for me, and hopefully I'll never turn to a blade for comfort again.
(For those of you who may be wondering why Harvey never told my parents or anything, it's because I asked him not to, and he respected that and never told another living soul. My parents still don't know about it and I'm hoping they never do.)
Well, I've been cutting for a while now, due to feeling depressed, constantly feeling alone and empty, and longing to feel something other than emptiness. For the first few nights, I thought nothing of it, it made me feel better, I thought I'd be able to stop whenever I wanted to. After about three weeks of it, I decided I wanted to stop, as it was getting too much to hide all the cuts and it had hit me that self harming isn't worth it for just a few seconds relief. However, I kept getting urges to cut... and I couldn't resist these urges. I couldn't tell anyone, not even my best friends, because I was scared they'd call me pathetic, stupid, weak etc. The fact I couldn't tell anyone made it worse, and I cut more, unable to ask for help, and having no idea how to stop myself, it just got worse. After about a month, I eventually got the courage to tell my best friend, Harvey, about it (he used to cut due to being bullied about his sexuality) and he gave me a hug, and thanked me for having the courage to tell him so he could help me. Things got a bit easier then, because Harvey knew, and he was trying to help me stop, I started cutting less, but didn't stop completely. If I needed to talk, Harvey would be there, and he'd make several attempts to calm me down and cheer me up, to stop me grabbing a blade.
A few days ago, Harvey introduced me to the Butterfly Project, which he had found when he was browsing the internet. The Butterfly Project is where you draw a butterfly on your wrist in a marker pen, (you could get someone that means a lot to you to draw it if you wanted, or that would make it more special), and name it after someone you love or someone who you care about. You can choose whether you want to write their name underneath or not. Anyway, if you cut, burn or self harm in any way whilst the butterfly is still there, you kill the person you love. You cannot scrub off the butterfly, you just have to leave it and wait for it to fade.
After being told about the Butterfly Project, I wasted no time in trying it. I drew four butterflies, one for each of my best friends. Needless to say, Harvey was the first butterfly I drew, and he's also the biggest. It's been three days since I've cut, this is the longest I've gone without cutting since I first started, and I am extremely proud of myself. Just hoping I can keep this up :). I would recommend the Butterfly Project to you all, as it is working a treat for me, and hopefully I'll never turn to a blade for comfort again.
(For those of you who may be wondering why Harvey never told my parents or anything, it's because I asked him not to, and he respected that and never told another living soul. My parents still don't know about it and I'm hoping they never do.)