Pls help me to talk to my parents about this!

[venture2000]

Have been reading for a long time but could really use some advise this time from you guys.

So here goes:

i'm a 16 yo guy and in 10th grade.

At the beginning of grade 9 last year we had a student teacher who taught my science class for like a month and then he came back for the last couple months of school last year and helped out in my english class, I asked him for some extra help on my study period because my family went on a cruise so I missed a week and got really behind on my reading. I also added him on Facebook last year and he waited until summer to add me bc he said he didn't want to get in trouble.

Well then this year (like for grade 10 which I'm in now), he came back and volunteered again and he ended up in my english class again and also helping out with the volleyball team that I was on. I asked him to help me in english again and he helped me alot. Sometimes it was on my study period and sometimes we would stay after school when we didn't have volleyball. He drove me home a couple times when I couldn't get a ride with a friend bc my parents work until late and I would of had to walk otherwise. He also startd helping my best friend on his study period (my friend also asked him) and he helped us alot. He also gave me alot of advice like when I broke up with my girlfriend and was starting to like another girl.

So when exams were coming up, me and my friend asked him to go to lunch with us to thank him for all the help and he said we could go aftre the term was officially over and he was no longer in my class. When we went out with him, he paid for our food and he told us that he was leaving the school, we were really upset that he wasn't gonna be there next term but he offered to tutor us both outside of classtime.

well like a week later my parents told me that they didn't want me to see or talk to him anymore and they made me delete him off Facebook and everything. Heres the thing though; my parents knew that he was helping me alot and giving me rides home and when they met him at school for the first time in Decemver they thanked him for helping me. My parents even asked him to help me out in science again which i have this term. They also knew that we went to lunch together so I dont understand why they suddenly changed their mind about it. It's not like anything bad ever happened and now they refuse to listen to me or give me any good reason why they are doing this.

To make things even worse my friend's parents are totally okay wth everything and my friend get to study with him like at least once a week and they have gone out for lunch since, My friend has him on Facebook and his mom even added him to. So I don't understand why my parents are being so stupid and unwilling to listen to me about it. Its not like there's a big age difference btwn us, I am 16 and he's probably like 23 or 24 so it's not like he's 50 or something. Me and my friend never thought of him as a teacher (and he never actually worked at the school), but we kindof just see him like a big brother or as my friend says he was like out guidance councelor. Me and my friend want to try to talk to my parents about it soon (I am grounded for getting in a fight with my sister), so now is not a good time but we are waiting for when the time is right, How do I make my parents understand that we never did anything wrong and that there is no reason we shouldn't be able to see each other? Also I havent seen in now in a couple months but I know from my friend that he is still broke up about the whole thing especially because he thinks that my parents think he did something wrong. So what should I say to them to make them understand that my friend and I like him and he has helped us alot and we think he is like a good role model for us and that is all that happened.

[Dimitri]

Have been reading for a long time but could really use some advise this time from you guys.

So here goes:

i'm a 16 yo guy and in 10th grade.

Added him on Facebook last year and he waited until summer to add me bc he said he didn't want to get in trouble.

Okay, ummm, your age is one thing, you should not be sending your student teacher a Facebook request and secondly he should not have accepted it upon professional ethics and morals. These are how predators start...you know, the kids who get raped by teachers who they thought would never hurt them because they were their friend.

Well then this year (like for grade 10 which I'm in now), he came back and volunteered again and he ended up in my english class again and also helping out with the volleyball team that I was on. I asked him to help me in english again and he helped me alot. Sometimes it was on my study period and sometimes we would stay after school when we didn't have volleyball. He drove me home a couple times when I couldn't get a ride with a friend bc my parents work until late and I would of had to walk otherwise. He also startd helping my best friend on his study period (my friend also asked him) and he helped us alot. He also gave me alot of advice like when I broke up with my girlfriend and was starting to like another girl.

Okay, yeah, it might have been a lucky chance that he was in your class, I will give you that. I would hope that your parents knew you were staying after school with him...any time I have stayed after school with a teacher the doors were open, i sat in the back row closest to the door and the teacher sat at his/her desk. That is where the teacher had me sit.

Under NOW circumstance other than that of an EMERGENCY should you be receiving a ride from your teacher.

Teachers shouldn't be giving you advice on how to deal with a break up. These are things that shouldn't be brought up between a teacher and a student.

So when exams were coming up, me and my friend asked him to go to lunch with us to thank him for all the help and he said we could go aftre the term was officially over and he was no longer in my class. When we went out with him, he paid for our food and he told us that he was leaving the school, we were really upset that he wasn't gonna be there next term but he offered to tutor us both outside of class time.

Out of professionalism he should have respectfully declined the offer. A teacher should never offer to tutor a student, whether they be a student of the school they are attending or not at any given time. Students should be the ones to initiate that conversation and only with the approval from their parents.

well like a week later my parents told me that they didn't want me to see or talk to him anymore and they made me delete him off Facebook and everything. Heres the thing though; my parents knew that he was helping me alot and giving me rides home and when they met him at school for the first time in Decemver they thanked him for helping me. My parents even asked him to help me out in science again which i have this term. They also knew that we went to lunch together so I dont understand why they suddenly changed their mind about it. It's not like anything bad ever happened and now they refuse to listen to me or give me any good reason why they are doing this.

[QUOTE=venture2000;1711811]To make things even worse my friend's parents are totally okay wth everything and my friend get to study with him like at least once a week and they have gone out for lunch since, My friend has him on Facebook and his mom even added him to. So I don't understand why my parents are being so stupid and unwilling to listen to me about it. Its not like there's a big age difference btwn us, I am 16 and he's probably like 23 or 24 so it's not like he's 50 or something. Me and my friend never thought of him as a teacher (and he never actually worked at the school), but we kindof just see him like a big brother or as my friend says he was like out guidance councelor. Me and my friend want to try to talk to my parents about it soon (I am grounded for getting in a fight with my sister), so now is not a good time but we are waiting for when the time is right, How do I make my parents understand that we never did anything wrong and that there is no reason we shouldn't be able to see each other? Also I havent seen in now in a couple months but I know from my friend that he is still broke up about the whole thing especially because he thinks that my parents think he did something wrong. So what should I say to them to make them understand that my friend and I like him and he has helped us alot and we think he is like a good role model for us and that is all that happened.

Your parents are right, they have every right to make that decision... This is how young boys/girls get abducted, raped and killed...they trust people and do not think. Trust your parents and if your friends parents were parents at all they would see this as well.

People are not always as they appear.

[Wooba]

I also have to agree with Dimitri. a teacher going out to lunch with students is a little strange, also him giving you a ride home, and adding you on facebook. Having a good relationship with a teacher is great in school, it helps you learn better; just keep it in the class room.
My school actually has seminars on this kind of a stuff. A kid got kidnapped by a teacher once.. not saying that's going to happen, it's just a reason to be cautious about this stuff.

[Kanindrum]

The biggest factor here is that your parents are worried, and that's a good quality to have from your parents quite honestly. However, if your school is anything like my high school was, every teacher was our best friend. These teachers did this not because they wanted to initiate anything sexual or relationship-wise with us, but to actually get to know us better so they could teach us the way they should. It also allowed everyone in the school to be more unified. No teacher in my school's history has ever been convicted of sexual assault. So yes, there are school that are that friendly with their students like you mentioned and I think that's perfectly okay.

HOWEVER, your parents do have a right to have that kind of thought process. However, they should also have some kind of trust in you as well and at least possibly meet the guy and get to know him a little better. Not everyone is out to get someone and some just want friendships. Your 16, he's low 20s. There's not much of an age difference in my opinion. Friends can be initiated regardless of jobs. Just know your limits is all. I see no problem.

Just talk to them and if they go against you, there's really not much you can do quite honestly. Just keep trucking through school and you'll be fine.

[venture2000]

woah, ok dude, I get wut ur saying but dont jump to all those conclusions.

Okay, ummm, your age is one thing, you should not be sending your student teacher a Facebook request and secondly he should not have accepted it upon professional ethics and morals. These are how predators start...you know, the kids who get raped by teachers who they thought would never hurt them because they were their friend.

I added him bc he helped me alot and I wantd to keep in touch. I would never add one of my "actual teachers" on FB, remember that he was just a volunteer when I added him and was not at the school when he excepted.

My gf's mom is on the PTA and helps run one of the school's clubs, she has most of the kids in that club as facebook friends. They are not even friends of my gf, is that wrong too?

Okay, yeah, it might have been a lucky chance that he was in your class, I will give you that. I would hope that your parents knew you were staying after school with him...any time I have stayed after school with a teacher the doors were open, i sat in the back row closest to the door and the teacher sat at his/her desk. That is where the teacher had me sit.

Under NOW circumstance other than that of an EMERGENCY should you be receiving a ride from your teacher.

Teachers shouldn't be giving you advice on how to deal with a break up. These are things that shouldn't be brought up between a teacher and a student.

Well when it was on my study period, obvio there was a full class of students in the room with us and we just worked together in a corner. When it was afterschool we used a bunch of diff classrooms depending on what was open and they all have glass on the doors so u can see into them. Plus teachers came in and out at any time so it was always safe. Nothing ever happened even when we were alone.

Would my parents have rather me walk home for an hour when it was cold and snowing? That would be much more dangerous then getting driven home by a guy that I knew for over a year. Like I said, they knew that he had given me rides when I stayed afterschool for school wrk.


Out of professionalism he should have respectfully declined the offer. A teacher should never offer to tutor a student, whether they be a student of the school they are attending or not at any given time. Students should be the ones to initiate that conversation and only with the approval from their parents.

He said we had to wait util exams were over and the tutoring idea didn't comeup out of nowhere, i had aske him many times if he would help me out in science when I had it this term and my friend had actually asked him to tutor him in English for pay last year. So he was jjust basically telling us that if we still needed help he would offer it to us outside of school. Like I said, my friend studies with him every week and his parents are fine with it. He is not at our school anymore so its just like getting a private tutor.


Your parents are right, they have every right to make that decision... This is how young boys/girls get abducted, raped and killed...they trust people and do not think. Trust your parents and if your friends parents were parents at all they would see this as well.

People are not always as they appear.

Yes people are not always as they appear but sometimes thet are. Don't make everyone out to be bad just because some people are, like I no why u and my parents would wonder but honestly that is nothing like what's going on here. I just want to make my parents understand that and let them no that I should be able to have him on FB and get extra help from him if I need it.

but thanks for taking the time to reply and give me some thoughts

[venture2000]

HOWEVER, your parents do have a right to have that kind of thought process. However, they should also have some kind of trust in you as well and at least possibly meet the guy and get to know him a little better. Not everyone is out to get someone and some just want friendships. Your 16, he's low 20s. There's not much of an age difference in my opinion. Friends can be initiated regardless of jobs. Just know your limits is all. I see no problem.

THANK YOU! This is what i'm saying and what I would like for them to do but how do I convince them to meet him and see that there is nothing bad going on?

---

Thx to those who replied but i'm not asking weather or not u agree with my parents or not. I would like some advise as to what me and my friend should actually say to my parents, like we need to actually come up with an argument with reasons, to convince them to reverse their decision.

So can anyone please please help us figure out what to say, or what you would say to your parents if in the same situation? ty

[Kanindrum]

THANK YOU! This is what i'm saying and what I would like for them to do but how do I convince them to meet him and see that there is nothing bad going on?

Parents are not out to get you. If they see you geniuinely want them to consider what you're saying... they'll cave. They want what's best for you. Things take time. Highly depends on your parents.