Cutting to punish myself

[CherryQ]

My ex cut. But he stopped when we were together. He said I made him so happy. He said I meant so much to him. He said he wouldn't cut because he didn't want to hurt me. But somewhere I stopped making him happy. Somewhere I let him down. I tried so hard, but I failed. So now I've been cutting myself because I deserve it for letting down the person I love.

And now he'll barely even look at me. . . I miss him with all of my heart. I know he stopped loving me. But if he would just talk to me. . . I wish he'd talk to me. . . I'm so sorry. . .

[Aceso]

Okay, firstly, you are not responsible for how someone feels about you or how they change. I'm sure you didn't let him down - you helped him make a positive move forward, and that's a good thing! I know you might feel like he's stopped loving you but that's not your fault, you can't control that.
I have also self harmed to punish myself, I did yesterday and the day before. :/ But sweetie you sound like a truly caring person and you don't need to punish yourself over this at all, because you have done nothing wrong. Self harming isn't 'wrong'. It is just how we deal with things when they get too bad.
I've promised so many people I would stop self harming, but no matter how much I care for someone, I can't stop completely. I've improved, true, but it is a long road and making promises to stop right away prove very hard to fulfil, it's not that you're letting yourself down at all, we're just humans and we need time. We also need coping methods, which is what cutting can be.
Stay strong and inbox me if you need to, I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling like this but things will turn out okay, just look after yourself and you will also be looking after others :) <3

[Carly011]

Something my therapist told me is that you need to live for yourself, not others. You need to stop cutting for yourself, not others. You need to not put your life in someone else's hand. You have no reason to feel bad. It was NOT your job to keep him happy and free of cutting, just like it is not his job to keep you happy and free of cutting. You need to stop cutting for YOURSELF. and remember you are an amazing person who DESERVES to be happy. Even if you dont believe it now, just keep telling yourself that