How to tell parents...

[NintendoFanboy]

Okay, I used to think I was curious. Now I know I'm completely gay. I want to be gay. But according to my family's standards, and God's standards (:yeah: I am a christian :yeah:) I have to be straight. So I keep it a secret. But it's getting harder and harder. Accepting I was gay was hard enough. Now how do I tell my parents, or even my friends? My whole family is christian, and so being gay is almost taboo. *sigh* :confused: So how would I tell them? :confused:

[Rawrbaby]

i dont know how i have the same problem as ya come from a baptist family with deep religouis attitudes and excepting of this of ya and that it depends on how ya family is if they are christians than it may be hard but how do they react to gayness if ya would tell them what would happen maybe you could ask questions that would help ya find out like one time i asked my mum what if she had gay child she said she would disown them and kick them out so if that is the case then dont tell ya parents till you can finacial support ya self and for ya friends how do they react to gayness how will they react you need to find out bout some stuff first in my opinion but if ya family and friends love ya enough they will accept ya for what you are i hope this helps and that every thang goes well

[NintendoFanboy]

i dont know how i have the same problem as ya come from a baptist family with deep religouis attitudes and excepting of this of ya and that it depends on how ya family is if they are christians than it may be hard but how do they react to gayness if ya would tell them what would happen maybe you could ask questions that would help ya find out like one time i asked my mum what if she had gay child she said she would disown them and kick them out so if that is the case then dont tell ya parents till you can finacial support ya self and for ya friends how do they react to gayness how will they react you need to find out bout some stuff first in my opinion but if ya family and friends love ya enough they will accept ya for what you are i hope this helps and that every thang goes well
Thanks! You know, you always feel like you're alone, until a certain point, when you read or hear about someone like you!
:lol:

[Rawrbaby]

your welcome fanboy if ya need any more help just give me a hollar

[MoveAlong]

I think you should only tell them if you're comfortable with it. Since you're obviously not, you may have to hide it. I'm hiding it from my entire school, even tho they think I'm gay just because I do some strange things (and I don't even act all that gay)

I don't have much advice for you, although I can say that telling a sister or sibling first might be easier because I've heard it was from a lot of coming out stories! Don't jump to do this, only do it if you feel that it's right. Also, I think you should tell a friend first. They are a lot easier period.

If you do tell your parents, just act like you regularly would. Just be yourself...It'll be harder to hate you if you're still the guy you've always been, and now they know you're gay.

[NintendoFanboy]

I think you should only tell them if you're comfortable with it. Since you're obviously not, you may have to hide it. I'm hiding it from my entire school, even tho they think I'm gay just because I do some strange things (and I don't even act all that gay)

I don't have much advice for you, although I can say that telling a sister or sibling first might be easier because I've heard it was from a lot of coming out stories!

If you do tell your parents, just act like you regularly would. Just be yourself...It'll be harder to hate you if you're still the guy you've always been, and now they know you're gay.

Ha, guys at my church are like that. And I don't act gay! And also, the only brother I have is 8. (You know, I really wish I had a twin...) Sooo, anyway, it's lunchtime, I won't be on until tonight. See ya. :yeah:

[A.J.]

You should tell your family first and if they dont accept it that is just wrong because family should always support you. If your friends dont accept then theyre are dicks.

[redcar]

I always think you shouldn't rush into telling people. I always think whats the point? Sexuality is not something that should define you. It's just a small part of you. Some people feel it necessary to tell people as soon as they realise they are bi, gay etc etc, but what different is there keeping it to yourself? It gives you time to get used to it. You say yourself you only realised you will still need time yourself.

So take your time, relax and above all don't feel it necessary to tell people.

[latedeveloper313]

I'm Gay and i've only told one or two very close friends. you have to know you can trust friends because people can be nasty!! as for your family , thats a tricky one you have to be totally sure you want them to know! and be prepared for the worst unfortunatly! but hopefully they will be ok with it and if your going to come out, I'd say do it face to face, if you can bear it!

[Maverick]

I always think you shouldn't rush into telling people. I always think whats the point? Sexuality is not something that should define you. It's just a small part of you. Some people feel it necessary to tell people as soon as they realise they are bi, gay etc etc, but what different is there keeping it to yourself? It gives you time to get used to it. You say yourself you only realised you will still need time yourself.

So take your time, relax and above all don't feel it necessary to tell people.
I agree with Alex.

[mattyboy28]

Being christian does not mean that your homophobic, and god accepts you no matter what, so dont worry. If your family loves you, then you'll be accepted. But go by my example and dont make it your first priority to tell everyone, or even worry about telling everyone, being gay is part of your lifestyle, not part of you...

[HopeScratchMcDougal]

Okay, I used to think I was curious. Now I know I'm completely gay. I want to be gay. But according to my family's standards, and God's standards (:yeah: I am a christian :yeah:) I have to be straight. So I keep it a secret. But it's getting harder and harder. Accepting I was gay was hard enough. Now how do I tell my parents, or even my friends? My whole family is christian, and so being gay is almost taboo. *sigh* :confused: So how would I tell them? :confused:

First of all, you don't have to be straight. According to the bible, no man is perfect, and although homosexuality _is_ a sin, so is slapping gays with your bible because they're gay.

No one is better than you because you're gay (and vice versa, but that's another topic).

Tell your parents, you can't stay in the closet forever. Just make sure it isn't at an awkward moment.

They may not take it too well for a while, but they'll grow to love it.

And if you lose friends over it, then fuck them. They're not friends after all.

[mattyboy28]

First of all, you don't have to be straight. According to the bible, no man is perfect, and although homosexuality _is_ a sin, so is slapping gays with your bible because they're gay.

No one is better than you because you're gay (and vice versa, but that's another topic).

Tell your parents, you can't stay in the closet forever. Just make sure it isn't at an awkward moment.

They may not take it too well for a while, but they'll grow to love it.

And if you lose friends over it, then fuck them. They're not friends after all.

I agree, but still, dont just tell to tell, wait for a good moment if your SURE thats what you want to do... but hes right, you cant be forty and call your parents on the phone and say "Oh hey, by the way, I'm gay!!!" But dont just drop it like a bomb... You know your parents better than us, make sure you find a way to do it softly. Even if you do yell down the hallway "mom, I'm sick of all my gay porn!" theyll love you and they will still accept it, but they may be caught off guard :P

[mr. self destruct]

I always think you shouldn't rush into telling people. I always think whats the point? Sexuality is not something that should define you. It's just a small part of you. Some people feel it necessary to tell people as soon as they realise they are bi, gay etc etc, but what different is there keeping it to yourself? It gives you time to get used to it. You say yourself you only realised you will still need time yourself.

So take your time, relax and above all don't feel it necessary to tell people.

I think Alex has a good point here. You don't get finished with puberty until at least 18-19, and you can't really be 100 % sure that you are yet.

[questionz]

Honostly, i think the most effective way would be to tell them. then if they have a negative reaction, almost yell at them and tell them that you cant help it and since god created me like this, he obviously doesnt have a problem with it! if they still have a problem run away for about a day to really freak them out and let them know thats just how you are and youre serious. im not joking, if you do that, odds are that a parent will be so glad that youre alright and just accept whatever you ran away for. im going to get flamed for this, but w/e

[NintendoFanboy]

Honostly, i think the most effective way would be to tell them. then if they have a negative reaction, almost yell at them and tell them that you cant help it and since god created me like this, he obviously doesnt have a problem with it! if they still have a problem run away for about a day to really freak them out and let them know thats just how you are and youre serious. im not joking, if you do that, odds are that a parent will be so glad that youre alright and just accept whatever you ran away for. im going to get flamed for this, but w/e

Why do so many gay people think so much alike!? THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING! *gets over it* Anyway, thanks guys, I'm still willing for more suggestions, so feel free to post away, but thanks.

[byee]

Well, as I've said elsewhere, I think it's really important to be really clear in your own mind exactly why it is you're sharing this (or anything personal, for that matter). What's your point and what do you hope to gain? And, how will it help your relationship with them?

Telling your unsuspecting folks (of any religion, i might add) that you're a homosexual is somewhat like walking in with a gas can, filled right to the top, and getting their attention. Then, when they're watching you and waiting, dropping a match into it. It's pretty provocative, earth shattering, relationship changing info. Which doesn't mean that you shouldn't/can't tell, but you really need to give it alot of thought. It's not just about you, it's about them, too. Chances are you're going to want some support afterwards, for them to accept the info you've exploded in the room. And not just have them freak.

Think about what your goal here is, and maybe talk this over with someone and come up with ways of talking about it, and when. It might be better to spread out a number of talks with your folks where you're talking about 'How you feel about yourself' and 'How you see/experience yourself', but stopping short of dropping the match, maybe for a couple of talks, so they can hear you and talk with eachother, and maybe even get it on their own.

Alot of people might wait until their much older while they work thru all these other issues involved in telling their family, there's a reason you hear of people 'coming out' so late in life. Eventhough you might have accepted and come to terms with who you are, it sometimes takes a while to work out a plan (and the courage) to tell family members.

[Serenity]

Telling your unsuspecting folks (of any religion, i might add) that you're a homosexual is somewhat like walking in with a gas can, filled right to the top, and getting their attention. Then, when they're watching you and waiting, dropping a match into it. It's pretty provocative, earth shattering, relationship changing info.

Not necessarily. I know several people whose parents welcomed the news, or even expected it. Every situation is different, as is each set of parents. We don't know that they'll explode- it may in fact be completely the opposite. All you have to do [NF] is keep a cool head and not panic and remember that your parents are there to support you no matter what. :daisy:

[NintendoFanboy]

Thanks Val. Oh, BTW, I may have passed through your city on my way through Georgia! XD (sorry, off topic.)

[Serenity]

No prob :daisy:

lol and that's facinating :P

[byee]

Not necessarily. I know several people whose parents welcomed the news, or even expected it. Every situation is different, as is each set of parents. We don't know that they'll explode- it may in fact be completely the opposite. All you have to do [NF] is keep a cool head and not panic and remember that your parents are there to support you no matter what. :daisy:


Your raise a good point (typically!), Valerie. His parents might react well to this, and that shouldn't be automatically ruled out. However, from the tone of the question, I assumed that he felt there was a good chance that wouldn't happen. Why else would someone need advice in communicating this info with their parents?

Expect the best, plan for the worst. Be very clear in your own mind what your goals are, then work up a plan that best assures that outcome. Don't assume that they'll be supportive. Even if they suspect, it's a pretty difficult conversation.

[sfmdraw]

I think you should only tell them if you're comfortable with it. Since you're obviously not, you may have to hide it. I'm hiding it from my entire school, even tho they think I'm gay just because I do some strange things (and I don't even act all that gay)

I don't have much advice for you, although I can say that telling a sister or sibling first might be easier because I've heard it was from a lot of coming out stories! Don't jump to do this, only do it if you feel that it's right. Also, I think you should tell a friend first. They are a lot easier period.

If you do tell your parents, just act like you regularly would. Just be yourself...It'll be harder to hate you if you're still the guy you've always been, and now they know you're gay.

paragraph 1: it's the same with me...besides 1 person, i'm hiding it from the whole school. and they've always found me gay cause i prefer art and writing over gym and sports. they're idiots.

yeah, but i also agree that u should tell, like, a best friend first, and if they treat you different, then they were never a true friend.

[Unknown_kid]

well, this is what happened to me....

My dad does not accept what i have become, my mom doesnt aprove but is by my side...

and iv drop religion all together because they just dont accept homosexuality...

so i havent been to church in almost 3 years.

[Unknown_kid]

paragraph 1: it's the same with me...besides 1 person, i'm hiding it from the whole school. andthey've always found me gay cause i prefer art and writing over gym and sports. they're idiots.


me too.

[Crazysam]

I would start with someone you know wouldn't tell anyone say your bro or sis or a cousin then after seeing thier response work up the family until its your mother (i would prefer to tell my mum first because shes softer :P) whatever happens i hope it turns out allright ma friend!

[Dave]

First, I'm Gay
I know that you have real friends, that they will be ok with your sexuality, i have the same problem, but about the parents.
I'm catholic and think that the "gay" people still need to live...
How can we change ourselves? There's no answer.
Sorry if i offend anyone, i think i even offended myself, but still think that is right!