GuessWho
April 29th, 2012, 07:48 PM
I used to be depressed, but I am not anymore. I haven't shared this with anyone, and I just wanted to know what people think, and please respond.
L ove...its a dangerous thing. We all may not be able to find it, but the hopes for life is that you live it to its fullest, and if being heartbroken or in the need of love stalls your life from being full, then take a break. Love is dangerous, you need to take risks, put your own life on the line for somebody you love, and hope that they would do the same for you. Personally, I was going to write a song about this, but I figured a story, or whatever you want to call this. We are all connected, social creatures, and when our desire to be with another isn't fulfilled, it is like heroin, you can't get enough. Deep down I know that people understand that there is only one true love in your life, but it may take a few tries to find out who is your one. Out in the world, there are things to throw you off track on life, but there are truly only two things that make people happy. Drugs. Love. Not everyone does drugs though, so that leaves only one topic. Love. This amazing feeling is felt throughout life, but it is not the same as the past. There is the "love" for parents, family, and friends. Then there is the true love, which can be hard, and will eventually break your heart. A love for one another is different that a love for anything, its one of the better feelings, but it is feeble and can snap at anytime. As a kid, I thought I loved this, and loved that, but truly, I only thought I loved things that entertained me, and not the things that were close to me. The sadness that is driven by love is terrible, love sickness, brocken hearts. I find this to be a load of bullshit. If love could hurt that much, then why would people strive for it so much? When it comes down to it, love is just a feeling that is hard to describe. When I thought about writing a song, I would have tried to make it original, but ideas from blink and AvA kept popping in my mind, because their music speaks to me in a way that no one or nothing has ever. And even though I am listening to music as I write this in study hall, I will always be in my own little paradise, in my mind. I don't understand how people can live their whole life all alone, expecting the world to be handed to them. But life goes on, sadness happens, tears drop, there is nothing that we can do about it. Tom once said "If you fight violence with violence, all you get is more violence." So if you are fighting a war, or even a simple argument, you add more to the fight, the fight will just become worse. But, you have to enjoy the feeling of accomplishing a task. You spend your entire life worried about what is happening next, but why not worry about time you wasted in the past? Or the times you are wasting in the present? I personally believe that I have no "close friends," ones that I can rely on to be there for me. But since I don't have any, I have to go through life alone, or until I can truly find my closest friend. I feel like not one person, besides my family, would give a fuck if I just dropped off of the face of Earth. People may say they care, but I am not them, I have no idea if they mean it, I have no clue at all what they are thinking. Before I go on more about my depressing life, may I say that there are those people who will never find love, but they don't deserve love. They may be social creatures, but they are, should I say evil? Out of most people, they don't deserve it, there is a little chip shoved deep in the brain that cannot be removed that tells them to do evil deeds, and to not care about what people say or whether or not they take action about it. Now there are the little things in life that give you joy. Like the Stories you read, or what you see on TV, but mainly the pleasure you have is jealousy, wishing for what you see. But I don't want to know about what rich and famous people have, because it is most likely what I don't have. But, all in all, this is home, and I have to live with it. Even if I have to work my days away, I will be in the hope of supporting some person I care about, somebody I love. I hope that when I find the right person, I hope that they never want to let go of me, never want to leave me. But not leave as in always be with me, I mean leave as in go for a different person. The one thing that I have always wondered was what if you find the right person for you, and there is only one. But, the one, the only right person for you was with somebody else or didn't have that connection with you. Then you are left all alone? But those words from their mouth are scary, whether it be an I Love You, or a This Isn't Going To Work...both are scary because fir the first you don't know whether they are the right one, but for the second, if you let go of them, they may be the right one, and you may not notice it until later in life, and you will think to yourself all the mistakes that you have made, and what you do in your life may change what others are doing in there's. You have to live your life to the fullest, because you only get to live it once, and you only have 100to years to make the best of it, and you will most likely waste half your life over stupid shit, but the hopes rest of your life will be filled with the best moments, the small things in life that give you joy, but also gives others joy. One day, I want to get $1,000 in singles and drop it for people to have. I feel like that would make me happy, but it would also make many other people happy. The thought of fitting in...that shit is just crazy, the people are so picky and I just cannot understand why they think what they do, its not like the person trying to make new friends is trying to be picky, so why be picky with who you accept. Maybe this will help you later in life. There is one thing I remember from a party, and I don't think that I'll ever for get this. I guess it is time for a little story time with Mitch! Monica's Halloween party, 2011, there was alcohol, and I refugees to have some. I do not know whether or not I should regret it or be happy, but which ever, I got an apology that was years overdue. My somewhat intoxicated friend apologized for all the times where he wasn't there for me and left me to weep alone, back at good old Tootin' Hills. I can't understand whether his choices helped me or hurt me, or if it would have changed who I am today, but I don't care if I would have been different, because I am happy the way I am. There are things that I would change about me, there are things that I could do, but there are also things that I cannot change. Life sucks. Everybody seems sweet at the start, and then the world turns to shit. but if life didn't suck, then there wouldn't be people who are trying to better it, which makes life fun for them, and they may try extremely hard to make life suck less, it will never work, in the end, all they are doing is bettering their own lives. If you think life is like a video game or a story or a movie, then you my friend are completely wrong. It is nothing like that, life is what you make of it, and most of the time, people cannot make much out of it. Well, study hall is over, and this ends my whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit.
I'm back for more! Who would have guessed that I would have the time to be doing this again, and end up with the same out come, depressing stories about my shitty life. I don't think that anyone cares enough about me to even read this. Now, on to the depressing part. I was thinking about this in the past, and it just came back to me. What is the point of life? We are just born to die so...this is a fast one, I kinda wasted a lot of time. I'll work more on this when I have more time. This has been Mitch, signing out.
Taking a dump, that gives me some time to write stuff. Stupid shit is for stupid people, smart shit is also for smart people, see a trend? So then why are there smart people doing stupid things, and don't hold me to this, but there are stupid people who are doing smart things. I honestly do not understand this. But whatever, live life as we know it. I am satisfied with this, so I am done for now, will write more eventually. One quick question ti self when I am satisfied and am rereading this, Twitter or YouTube?
All I have to say right now, is Isaac understands. Love isn't about looks or hooking up, it's about somebody you can connect to and have normal conversations with, and the best part is that with this person, you can share your feelings, the feelings you wouldn't share with anyone. Its 3 am, I have to go to sleep, got homework and shit to do in like 7 hours. Fuck me...but whatever. Love, Mitch
I'm back, but in a ton of pain...which kinda blows. Cut off part of my pinky, and it hurts, but thank god that it wasn't my thumb, cause that would have been a bitch... All I have to say is that pain sucks, but dying must not be that bad. I think that dying may be better than living, there is nothing stopping you from doing what you want when you are dead. The long silence when you ponder about live, on how depressing and shitty it is when you think about it. It sad, just ever so sad. Now to move onto a new topic...secrets. Some secrets are ment to never be spoken, but when you let them slip, well, shit goes down, and the turnout is never good. Secrets can tear apart a friendship, that probably wasn't there in the first place. But whatever, if you only share your secrets with someone you trust, then you have nothing to worry about. I am just chilling here in study hall writing this with music playing, and right now Saturday Night is playing, and I wish every night was a Saturday night, because when something is happening on a Saturday night, its mad fun. Once school is over though, I will have all the freedom in the world, I will probably abuse it though, and that will be the death of me, so when I die, you probably won't hear about it, because there is no real reason to reason to remember me. All I have to say, heartwarming music? Bullshit. All I have for today/now, peace out.
Back, same study hall...got a few minutes. Really wish I had someone to talk to right now, cause writing my feelings and shit on my phone for me to read later at laugh at my stupidity really blows. But whatever, live just sucks. Last five minutes in study hall means goodbye for nowFw, I will return later.
Life just sucks, I've lost the war, I've given up, where's my dog, cause girls are such a drag. Lyric of the day, what's good. I don't really have talk about, I'll do more in study hall and debate whether or not to share this shit....This has been 144Mitch420, and haters gonna hate on me.
I will share this, I decided it, I am not done, but I'll share what I got and add more later.
Storage wars, mad fun. So, the question is whether or not I keep 144Mitch420 alive, because I get shit for it. But whatever, I will keep doing shit like this for a little while, I speak the truth of mind, the truth of my mind. I have study hall tomorrow, so I'll try to do more. -Mitch
I don't really know why, but I have been avoiding writing this. I guess that I have a lot on my mind, but I don't know how to get it off my back. 14 long years of shit that won't help what is yet to come. It really sucks. Listening to BCR, mad depressing shit, but I understand it, I don't know why. But whatever. I have no shit to worry about, cause life is just a game. To me, I am just a pawn, to be moved around, people not caring if they lose me. I'm gonna tweet that last thing I said and see if I get responses, I'll write more once I check my twitter.
And I want her, need her, and you, will always pull me through. Shit is real. I don't give a fuck what you say, the thought s going through my head will never leave, and I won't cry, its just something that I can't get my head around. I'm not done, I swear it will take only one lifetime to get my shit straight, but I fell like my life, well at least so far, is a life wasted. I don't know my worth in this world. The only thing that would satisfy me is that later in life people know who I am, I am not just a pawn, I am the kind player who refuses to let any of his pieces go down without a fight. Tough shit. I haven't done any drugs in a while...but next time I do drink or smoke, I will open this shit up, and write what comes to my mind, because I think straight when my head is clear, and there are not thoughts inside my immensely deep mind. Sorrow, its just truly sickening how bad it is. It happens every day. All you want to want to hear is I'm sorry, please forgive me. Ahhhhh...what to say....there really isn't much for me to say, this time. Maybe if I get off of BCR, then maybe there would be more, but I am waiting to finish the album, because I have yet to get to a certain song, I bet that you will be able to guess it, cause it is one of my most heartfelt songs. I have given alot of thought on this 14 year life. My life has gone by so fast, but what is it to anyone? But, there has to be someone out there who feels just like me. Do you care if I don't know what to say? Well, that's my feelings from There Is. I will be right back, got an email. Okay so I was listening to a live Tom DeLonge, he played There Is, and at the chorus, it was amazing. Best not Tom has ever sung live from a BCR song. Fucking insane. But whatever. I need to seriously change the music, cause this shit talks to me, but not in the best way. I thin k the album has two more songs. Elevator, and their instrumental. Elevator, fucking 9/11. Crazy shit happened that day, but, we got him, we got Osama. Lets forget this all, move on. The shit that went down coated thousands of lives, and I feel for the families and everyone, but there wasn't anything I can do about it. Its not like I can help each and every single family who had someone close to them die inside the Twin Towers. Now, as I listen to their instrumental, it reminds me if that one day in Ms Blewett's class, when we had to orally record s poem, and I used this and Star of Bethlehem. Together, completely different, separate, still completely different. But whatever. I'll be right back, gotta check something about the love part two instrumental album. Got more to add in a minute when I finish going online. Found what I wanted, sent it, and I'm done for today, I wrote a lot, and I'm satisfied. Good day to all.
Death. That shall be my next subject. Saving that shit for tomorrow. Today was the anniversary of Mr. Frulla's death...I feel like an ass for not knowing it. Whatever. 1/12/12
Nevermind, not death. Depression next. See you tomorrow if I have time.
Never mind. Not depression, that's too dark for me to explain, you need to experience it to understand. Therefore I am going to talk about anxiety. Shit pressures us to do things we don't want to every day, and the stress gets overloaded. Imagine a branch that is sitting on two separated rocks. You put nothing on it, no stress. Nothing will happen, it will just be a stable stick. Now add a piece of paper. This will not do much, but that is a small amount of stress, and can be handled. Now take a stack of 100 pieces of paper. This will have a lot of stress on the stick, but it will still be OK. Add more paper, more stress, the stick will become weaker, almost ready to snap. Now that is the kind of shit that I feel almost every single day. I'm the fucking stick with all this stress being put on me, just waiting for me to snap. Well, to avoid snapping o bottle up my stress along with my anger. So, you take about half of the paper on the stick, and shivering it in a bottle, and throw it away. That's what I do. But instead if throwing it away, it grows dense in my bottle, which makes it heavier and harder to hold. Now, when that bottle releases its contents. That will be the day. Everything will change. But nobody knows how, I don't even know. But that day surely will not be here for quite some time. Who knows, I could bottle it up all my life, and that will be the death of me. Whatever. I'm through with this topic. I'm peacin out, cya all later.
The driving force, pushing closer to the edge. It is inside anyone. I believe that there is nobody who knows but me...
Nobody came running, out by my side.
1/17/12
Idol, just so great seeing people get so happy about their amazing ability to sing...wish could be that good...
I think about it all the time, what would this world be without me? I really fucking can't picture it. By the way, I'm in a damn hole that keeps getting deeper and deeper and its impossible to escape. I've never felt so alone. Life just sucks. Just wait and see, if you see this shit through my eyes, which I guess nobody really can, you would understand. Its just rough, if that is any way to describe it. Who the fuck knows anyways. I'm not in the mood for this shit, too down. Peace out, talk to you all later.
I really feel like if I read this shit again, I will either laugh at myself or start crying. I honestly don't know which would happen, so I won't read it. I've seen better days. I'm wearing my Atticus shirt today and I get so much shit for wearing it. I don't see what the big deal is. Its a fucking shirt, there is absolutely nothing funny about it, and if they say that "its just Mitch," then they are just fucking assholes who are inconsiderate to what I have to think. But I really just try to ignore it. My chest hurts like a bitch, I don't really understand why. I didn't smoke this morning, it even hurt before I got in the car with Phil this morning. I really don't understanding the pain, but I wish that it would just go away.
Everything happens for a reason, whether we like it or not. Shit gets said, but in the end, you will find out for yourself whether or not what was said was true.
Wow...this study hall I have been making new lines a lot...
One quick topic then I am going to go play a game... I used to be fat, and I still kinda am. It kinda sucks, but I honestly think it is hard to do something about it. I got, pretty much, peer pressured into attempting to lose weight, but yet I am still 170 someodd pounds, and that is a lot, so yea I will keep trying to not be fat. Its a real pain though, because I still get shit for being somewhat chubby. Still close to snapping, still so fucking close. That wraps it up for today, still running about posting this...Idk.
I feel that I have one thing that many other people lack. It's common sense. I may not think things through before I say it, but when someone says something, I think about it, and see all these different situations that could happen. I honestly don't know if this is a gift, or if it will bite me in the ass later. Also, fucking middle of the schoolyear tests suck. They are just flatout terrible. They are hard, they are on shit that we spent a day working on. The teachers expect us to know it all, but sadly, we don't nor will we ever. But it's fine, I'll deal with it. In World Civ now, and I'm going to wrap this up because I feel like the last person will finish the quiz soon. Adios, su amigo, Mitch.
Dug out of the hole, I'll retaliate if you start talking shit, got my hair cut, ready to embrace the world. This shit is done for a good amount of time, or at least until someone pushes me into the hole again. Peace.
4.11.12-Ahhhhhhhhh, fuck. All I got to say is that apologies feel great, let's just hope it lasts.
L ove...its a dangerous thing. We all may not be able to find it, but the hopes for life is that you live it to its fullest, and if being heartbroken or in the need of love stalls your life from being full, then take a break. Love is dangerous, you need to take risks, put your own life on the line for somebody you love, and hope that they would do the same for you. Personally, I was going to write a song about this, but I figured a story, or whatever you want to call this. We are all connected, social creatures, and when our desire to be with another isn't fulfilled, it is like heroin, you can't get enough. Deep down I know that people understand that there is only one true love in your life, but it may take a few tries to find out who is your one. Out in the world, there are things to throw you off track on life, but there are truly only two things that make people happy. Drugs. Love. Not everyone does drugs though, so that leaves only one topic. Love. This amazing feeling is felt throughout life, but it is not the same as the past. There is the "love" for parents, family, and friends. Then there is the true love, which can be hard, and will eventually break your heart. A love for one another is different that a love for anything, its one of the better feelings, but it is feeble and can snap at anytime. As a kid, I thought I loved this, and loved that, but truly, I only thought I loved things that entertained me, and not the things that were close to me. The sadness that is driven by love is terrible, love sickness, brocken hearts. I find this to be a load of bullshit. If love could hurt that much, then why would people strive for it so much? When it comes down to it, love is just a feeling that is hard to describe. When I thought about writing a song, I would have tried to make it original, but ideas from blink and AvA kept popping in my mind, because their music speaks to me in a way that no one or nothing has ever. And even though I am listening to music as I write this in study hall, I will always be in my own little paradise, in my mind. I don't understand how people can live their whole life all alone, expecting the world to be handed to them. But life goes on, sadness happens, tears drop, there is nothing that we can do about it. Tom once said "If you fight violence with violence, all you get is more violence." So if you are fighting a war, or even a simple argument, you add more to the fight, the fight will just become worse. But, you have to enjoy the feeling of accomplishing a task. You spend your entire life worried about what is happening next, but why not worry about time you wasted in the past? Or the times you are wasting in the present? I personally believe that I have no "close friends," ones that I can rely on to be there for me. But since I don't have any, I have to go through life alone, or until I can truly find my closest friend. I feel like not one person, besides my family, would give a fuck if I just dropped off of the face of Earth. People may say they care, but I am not them, I have no idea if they mean it, I have no clue at all what they are thinking. Before I go on more about my depressing life, may I say that there are those people who will never find love, but they don't deserve love. They may be social creatures, but they are, should I say evil? Out of most people, they don't deserve it, there is a little chip shoved deep in the brain that cannot be removed that tells them to do evil deeds, and to not care about what people say or whether or not they take action about it. Now there are the little things in life that give you joy. Like the Stories you read, or what you see on TV, but mainly the pleasure you have is jealousy, wishing for what you see. But I don't want to know about what rich and famous people have, because it is most likely what I don't have. But, all in all, this is home, and I have to live with it. Even if I have to work my days away, I will be in the hope of supporting some person I care about, somebody I love. I hope that when I find the right person, I hope that they never want to let go of me, never want to leave me. But not leave as in always be with me, I mean leave as in go for a different person. The one thing that I have always wondered was what if you find the right person for you, and there is only one. But, the one, the only right person for you was with somebody else or didn't have that connection with you. Then you are left all alone? But those words from their mouth are scary, whether it be an I Love You, or a This Isn't Going To Work...both are scary because fir the first you don't know whether they are the right one, but for the second, if you let go of them, they may be the right one, and you may not notice it until later in life, and you will think to yourself all the mistakes that you have made, and what you do in your life may change what others are doing in there's. You have to live your life to the fullest, because you only get to live it once, and you only have 100to years to make the best of it, and you will most likely waste half your life over stupid shit, but the hopes rest of your life will be filled with the best moments, the small things in life that give you joy, but also gives others joy. One day, I want to get $1,000 in singles and drop it for people to have. I feel like that would make me happy, but it would also make many other people happy. The thought of fitting in...that shit is just crazy, the people are so picky and I just cannot understand why they think what they do, its not like the person trying to make new friends is trying to be picky, so why be picky with who you accept. Maybe this will help you later in life. There is one thing I remember from a party, and I don't think that I'll ever for get this. I guess it is time for a little story time with Mitch! Monica's Halloween party, 2011, there was alcohol, and I refugees to have some. I do not know whether or not I should regret it or be happy, but which ever, I got an apology that was years overdue. My somewhat intoxicated friend apologized for all the times where he wasn't there for me and left me to weep alone, back at good old Tootin' Hills. I can't understand whether his choices helped me or hurt me, or if it would have changed who I am today, but I don't care if I would have been different, because I am happy the way I am. There are things that I would change about me, there are things that I could do, but there are also things that I cannot change. Life sucks. Everybody seems sweet at the start, and then the world turns to shit. but if life didn't suck, then there wouldn't be people who are trying to better it, which makes life fun for them, and they may try extremely hard to make life suck less, it will never work, in the end, all they are doing is bettering their own lives. If you think life is like a video game or a story or a movie, then you my friend are completely wrong. It is nothing like that, life is what you make of it, and most of the time, people cannot make much out of it. Well, study hall is over, and this ends my whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit.
I'm back for more! Who would have guessed that I would have the time to be doing this again, and end up with the same out come, depressing stories about my shitty life. I don't think that anyone cares enough about me to even read this. Now, on to the depressing part. I was thinking about this in the past, and it just came back to me. What is the point of life? We are just born to die so...this is a fast one, I kinda wasted a lot of time. I'll work more on this when I have more time. This has been Mitch, signing out.
Taking a dump, that gives me some time to write stuff. Stupid shit is for stupid people, smart shit is also for smart people, see a trend? So then why are there smart people doing stupid things, and don't hold me to this, but there are stupid people who are doing smart things. I honestly do not understand this. But whatever, live life as we know it. I am satisfied with this, so I am done for now, will write more eventually. One quick question ti self when I am satisfied and am rereading this, Twitter or YouTube?
All I have to say right now, is Isaac understands. Love isn't about looks or hooking up, it's about somebody you can connect to and have normal conversations with, and the best part is that with this person, you can share your feelings, the feelings you wouldn't share with anyone. Its 3 am, I have to go to sleep, got homework and shit to do in like 7 hours. Fuck me...but whatever. Love, Mitch
I'm back, but in a ton of pain...which kinda blows. Cut off part of my pinky, and it hurts, but thank god that it wasn't my thumb, cause that would have been a bitch... All I have to say is that pain sucks, but dying must not be that bad. I think that dying may be better than living, there is nothing stopping you from doing what you want when you are dead. The long silence when you ponder about live, on how depressing and shitty it is when you think about it. It sad, just ever so sad. Now to move onto a new topic...secrets. Some secrets are ment to never be spoken, but when you let them slip, well, shit goes down, and the turnout is never good. Secrets can tear apart a friendship, that probably wasn't there in the first place. But whatever, if you only share your secrets with someone you trust, then you have nothing to worry about. I am just chilling here in study hall writing this with music playing, and right now Saturday Night is playing, and I wish every night was a Saturday night, because when something is happening on a Saturday night, its mad fun. Once school is over though, I will have all the freedom in the world, I will probably abuse it though, and that will be the death of me, so when I die, you probably won't hear about it, because there is no real reason to reason to remember me. All I have to say, heartwarming music? Bullshit. All I have for today/now, peace out.
Back, same study hall...got a few minutes. Really wish I had someone to talk to right now, cause writing my feelings and shit on my phone for me to read later at laugh at my stupidity really blows. But whatever, live just sucks. Last five minutes in study hall means goodbye for nowFw, I will return later.
Life just sucks, I've lost the war, I've given up, where's my dog, cause girls are such a drag. Lyric of the day, what's good. I don't really have talk about, I'll do more in study hall and debate whether or not to share this shit....This has been 144Mitch420, and haters gonna hate on me.
I will share this, I decided it, I am not done, but I'll share what I got and add more later.
Storage wars, mad fun. So, the question is whether or not I keep 144Mitch420 alive, because I get shit for it. But whatever, I will keep doing shit like this for a little while, I speak the truth of mind, the truth of my mind. I have study hall tomorrow, so I'll try to do more. -Mitch
I don't really know why, but I have been avoiding writing this. I guess that I have a lot on my mind, but I don't know how to get it off my back. 14 long years of shit that won't help what is yet to come. It really sucks. Listening to BCR, mad depressing shit, but I understand it, I don't know why. But whatever. I have no shit to worry about, cause life is just a game. To me, I am just a pawn, to be moved around, people not caring if they lose me. I'm gonna tweet that last thing I said and see if I get responses, I'll write more once I check my twitter.
And I want her, need her, and you, will always pull me through. Shit is real. I don't give a fuck what you say, the thought s going through my head will never leave, and I won't cry, its just something that I can't get my head around. I'm not done, I swear it will take only one lifetime to get my shit straight, but I fell like my life, well at least so far, is a life wasted. I don't know my worth in this world. The only thing that would satisfy me is that later in life people know who I am, I am not just a pawn, I am the kind player who refuses to let any of his pieces go down without a fight. Tough shit. I haven't done any drugs in a while...but next time I do drink or smoke, I will open this shit up, and write what comes to my mind, because I think straight when my head is clear, and there are not thoughts inside my immensely deep mind. Sorrow, its just truly sickening how bad it is. It happens every day. All you want to want to hear is I'm sorry, please forgive me. Ahhhhh...what to say....there really isn't much for me to say, this time. Maybe if I get off of BCR, then maybe there would be more, but I am waiting to finish the album, because I have yet to get to a certain song, I bet that you will be able to guess it, cause it is one of my most heartfelt songs. I have given alot of thought on this 14 year life. My life has gone by so fast, but what is it to anyone? But, there has to be someone out there who feels just like me. Do you care if I don't know what to say? Well, that's my feelings from There Is. I will be right back, got an email. Okay so I was listening to a live Tom DeLonge, he played There Is, and at the chorus, it was amazing. Best not Tom has ever sung live from a BCR song. Fucking insane. But whatever. I need to seriously change the music, cause this shit talks to me, but not in the best way. I thin k the album has two more songs. Elevator, and their instrumental. Elevator, fucking 9/11. Crazy shit happened that day, but, we got him, we got Osama. Lets forget this all, move on. The shit that went down coated thousands of lives, and I feel for the families and everyone, but there wasn't anything I can do about it. Its not like I can help each and every single family who had someone close to them die inside the Twin Towers. Now, as I listen to their instrumental, it reminds me if that one day in Ms Blewett's class, when we had to orally record s poem, and I used this and Star of Bethlehem. Together, completely different, separate, still completely different. But whatever. I'll be right back, gotta check something about the love part two instrumental album. Got more to add in a minute when I finish going online. Found what I wanted, sent it, and I'm done for today, I wrote a lot, and I'm satisfied. Good day to all.
Death. That shall be my next subject. Saving that shit for tomorrow. Today was the anniversary of Mr. Frulla's death...I feel like an ass for not knowing it. Whatever. 1/12/12
Nevermind, not death. Depression next. See you tomorrow if I have time.
Never mind. Not depression, that's too dark for me to explain, you need to experience it to understand. Therefore I am going to talk about anxiety. Shit pressures us to do things we don't want to every day, and the stress gets overloaded. Imagine a branch that is sitting on two separated rocks. You put nothing on it, no stress. Nothing will happen, it will just be a stable stick. Now add a piece of paper. This will not do much, but that is a small amount of stress, and can be handled. Now take a stack of 100 pieces of paper. This will have a lot of stress on the stick, but it will still be OK. Add more paper, more stress, the stick will become weaker, almost ready to snap. Now that is the kind of shit that I feel almost every single day. I'm the fucking stick with all this stress being put on me, just waiting for me to snap. Well, to avoid snapping o bottle up my stress along with my anger. So, you take about half of the paper on the stick, and shivering it in a bottle, and throw it away. That's what I do. But instead if throwing it away, it grows dense in my bottle, which makes it heavier and harder to hold. Now, when that bottle releases its contents. That will be the day. Everything will change. But nobody knows how, I don't even know. But that day surely will not be here for quite some time. Who knows, I could bottle it up all my life, and that will be the death of me. Whatever. I'm through with this topic. I'm peacin out, cya all later.
The driving force, pushing closer to the edge. It is inside anyone. I believe that there is nobody who knows but me...
Nobody came running, out by my side.
1/17/12
Idol, just so great seeing people get so happy about their amazing ability to sing...wish could be that good...
I think about it all the time, what would this world be without me? I really fucking can't picture it. By the way, I'm in a damn hole that keeps getting deeper and deeper and its impossible to escape. I've never felt so alone. Life just sucks. Just wait and see, if you see this shit through my eyes, which I guess nobody really can, you would understand. Its just rough, if that is any way to describe it. Who the fuck knows anyways. I'm not in the mood for this shit, too down. Peace out, talk to you all later.
I really feel like if I read this shit again, I will either laugh at myself or start crying. I honestly don't know which would happen, so I won't read it. I've seen better days. I'm wearing my Atticus shirt today and I get so much shit for wearing it. I don't see what the big deal is. Its a fucking shirt, there is absolutely nothing funny about it, and if they say that "its just Mitch," then they are just fucking assholes who are inconsiderate to what I have to think. But I really just try to ignore it. My chest hurts like a bitch, I don't really understand why. I didn't smoke this morning, it even hurt before I got in the car with Phil this morning. I really don't understanding the pain, but I wish that it would just go away.
Everything happens for a reason, whether we like it or not. Shit gets said, but in the end, you will find out for yourself whether or not what was said was true.
Wow...this study hall I have been making new lines a lot...
One quick topic then I am going to go play a game... I used to be fat, and I still kinda am. It kinda sucks, but I honestly think it is hard to do something about it. I got, pretty much, peer pressured into attempting to lose weight, but yet I am still 170 someodd pounds, and that is a lot, so yea I will keep trying to not be fat. Its a real pain though, because I still get shit for being somewhat chubby. Still close to snapping, still so fucking close. That wraps it up for today, still running about posting this...Idk.
I feel that I have one thing that many other people lack. It's common sense. I may not think things through before I say it, but when someone says something, I think about it, and see all these different situations that could happen. I honestly don't know if this is a gift, or if it will bite me in the ass later. Also, fucking middle of the schoolyear tests suck. They are just flatout terrible. They are hard, they are on shit that we spent a day working on. The teachers expect us to know it all, but sadly, we don't nor will we ever. But it's fine, I'll deal with it. In World Civ now, and I'm going to wrap this up because I feel like the last person will finish the quiz soon. Adios, su amigo, Mitch.
Dug out of the hole, I'll retaliate if you start talking shit, got my hair cut, ready to embrace the world. This shit is done for a good amount of time, or at least until someone pushes me into the hole again. Peace.
4.11.12-Ahhhhhhhhh, fuck. All I got to say is that apologies feel great, let's just hope it lasts.