Remembering.

[Jet.]

Didn't really know where to put this, so yeah.
I've recently stumbled across the fact that i supress memories, or something, i think. Like i make myself forget some of the really bad things that have happened, my Mum tried to explain it fully to me but i'm still trying to get my head around it. For example, when i was 10 my block of flats were set alight, and i had to jump out of a second story window, and i remember only some parts of it... going to my close, my dad jumping out, me on the window ledge, me trying to run to my Aunt's with a broken foot... the rest of it, including the jump itself is blankness. I don't remember falling either anymore, if i jump off of high wall's or something. It's just... nothing. Lately i've been forcing myself to remember things from my past, or else trying to, and i'm remembering little bits of pieces, and some of it is scaring and depressing me.
I don't know, i just feel as if i've lost parts of my life, that i want back.
Am i crazy?

[Ravenous1]

You are not crazy, we all supress memories we dont like, i do it sometimes so i think its normal, forcing yourself to remember things isnt a good thing it may be scaring you because you may not be ready to deal with it yet. Have you tried talking to a therapist?

[JackShephard]

Same shit happened to me yo! But in my case, it was molestation. I sort of just uncovered it myself. I had put it out of my mind (or rather, in a dark place where my brain thought I wouldn't look)

It comes from unpleasant experiences. It's a coping mechanism when you are put under emotional stress. And this may even be the root to my inconvenient sexual orientation.

[Desuetude]

No you're not crazy, sometimes your mind blocks things out to save you from the pain of the memories. Like said above it's a coping mechanism, it will always be hard trying to figure it out and put everything together but I wouldn't suggest going at it alone. Do you have a friend or someone that you can talk to and trust telling, just some support to help you through is good. Maybe a therapist would be an idea as well?

[Smeagol]

My mind blocks bad stuff too, only to remember it later. It'll be hard trying to sort it out, but you'll probably feel a lot better when you do.

[Jet.]

Ravenous1: I remember because i don't want to lose parts of my life... even if they are bad... And no i've never considered it really, a councillor broke my trust when i was younger so i don't like to have alot to do with people in these sort of proffesions.

JackShephard: I'm sorry to hear about that. I just sort of uncovered it too.

MyOblivion: I wouldn't really trust any of my friends with it and i don't think i could go to a therapist.

Smeagol: Yeah i'm trying to sort of straighten everything out


Thankyou all for you're replies.

[Desuetude]

Not all councellors and therapists are the same though, just because one broke your trust a long time ago that doesn't mean you should give up on them altogether. I understand what you mean about trusting friends but proffesionals can try to help and be there for you. It will be so much harder trying to go at it alone and although you might feel better when everything fits in place the getting there will hurt. Please think about sharing it with someone, it doesn't even have to be all of it just some small parts.

[Mortal Coil]

You're definitely not crazy. In a way, I'd even say you're lucky. I have the opposite problem, my bad memories won't go away. It's terrible, I'll be in class and then it's like it's all happening again and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
If you ever need to talk then get ahold of me :hug:

[Jet.]

MyOblivion: I don't know, i'd maybe consider it... i'm just not really an open person in real life, and don't like the thought of telling someone i barely know everything about me.

evil.angel: Thank you