HELP!! Idk what to do :/

[ashdyn]

So recently my girlfriend of about a year broke up with me...supposedly because her "feelings for me had changed" even though I already learned she was cheating on me. BITCH

Anyway, I've been pretty depressed about it because I really really loved her and this totally blindsided me. So for the past week especially the last 2 days my best friend has really been helping me get through this. Just doing everything to try to make me feel better and I'm really thankful that I have a friend like that. The problem is today after we got off the bus and were walking home (we live a few houses away from each other) and we were just talking (pretty deep conversation) we got to his house and we went to say bye and we kissed. I think it was an accident. It happened so fast I don't even know if he kissed me or if I kissed him or what even happened. I know it couldn't have lasted long because we were on on the freaking street but it felt like forever and I know I didn't pull away like I know I should have but neither did he. After we just kind of stared at eachother then he said he had to go and I said pretty much the same thing and basically ran home. I know I'm not gay, I've never been gay, and don't want to be gay. I stopped experimenting after I got into highschool because I knew I wasn't gay. I don't even have anything against being gay. I'm starting to ramble...

I just need some help or advice because the person I usually talk to about everything is the person I'm having a problem with.

I don't know who started it, I know it it felt good but I also know I'm not gay. He's my best friend and I really don't want to lose him over this. I really can't take anymore hurting. I just feel like my whole life is collapsing around me. I feel like I should talk to him about what happened but idk how he's feeling about it. I'm scared cause something about it felt right but I really don't know what to do anymore. Like my brain is just done processing. Can some of you people on here please help me.

I have no one else to talk to :/

[Desuetude]

You need to remember that there are two of you involved in this. Two sets of different thought and feelings. Have you considered that he might be just as scared about losing his best friend and he's having the exact same thoughts you are?

I say talk to him, tell him how you feel about him, just be as honest as possible and you can only hope that he'll return that. Why are you so set on thinking you're not gay? There is nothing wrong with it and there would be nothing wrong with you. One in the moment kiss doesn't make you anything though, don't think so much into it.

You've just broken up from your long term girlfriend and you're still hurt. Your best friend has gone through this with you and knows how you're feeling about everything. You both just wanted someone at that moment it seemed like a good idea, it might just be a one off. You can only talk to him about it and see what he thinks and feels. It's only fair if you count both people in this. It might be hard and awkward but straight away make him know that you don't want to lose him and that he means a lot to you.

[DeFacto]

You should definetly talk about it with him and make it clear you're not gay, or else you two may never get things sourted out...

[ashdyn]

I already texted him, but he hasn't said anything back. I want to talk to him but I don't even know how to start or what to say. I'm not even sure how I feel about it. I mean I know I care about him, and our friendship more than anything in the world right now. I know it sounds weird but I don't even know what emotions I'm feeling. I know I have to talk to him...it's not like I can avoid him, I'm just nervous about what will happen. The more I sit on it the more I think I liked the feeling while it was happening but at the same time the less I want anything more to happen because he's my bestfriend. Confusing :/

[Desuetude]

I understand, you don't want anything to change between you as friends because you value his friendship too much. If he lives close could you not go round maybe? Or ring him? Text isn't the best way to sort something of this effect out although it may seem like the easiest. The more you think about it and do nothing the more worked up and nervous you will become, it's better to get it over with and see how he's feeling. He probably hasn't replied to you because he's just as confused about it as you are.
Starting it off maybe say that you don't want anything to come between you and that you always want to stay friends. The more you tell him that you're still there for him the more comfortable he's likely to become in the situation.

[ashdyn]

I guess you're right. I thought about walking over but I was thinking maybe he just wants to avoid me...for at least the day. Idk if he's traumatized or whatever.

[ashdyn]

So we talked...but he wouldn't really talk about it. Like everything he tried to give an answer to he left sort of open ended. I don't know what to do!!!

[Desuetude]

So we talked...but he wouldn't really talk about it. Like everything he tried to give an answer to he left sort of open ended. I don't know what to do!!!
Try and give it to him straight. Tell him you want to get it sorted out and know what's going on. Also say that you'll accept him no matter what his orrientation because that could be the problem he's having, that he's confused. Maybe he just needs some reassurace?

[ashdyn]

He knows I wouldn't care if he was gay. We jacked off together! He could tell me anything...it's so weird having these strange feelings between us. Like I don't even think it's tension. Just weird :/