Hey.

[HealingScars]

Well, last night was extremely draining because I had an urge to cut that made me sick to my stomach. Having my dad disappointed in me does not help my urges at all. It makes it worse. Sometimes I just want to go into his office and start searching for my razor blades he took from me. All I need to do are 8-10 cuts and I should be good. Plus with the blades it would be easier and faster.
It sucks because if I were to do that I would feel worse because I would have a shit load of people who would be disappointed in me.
My mind is constantly reminding me of all the times I have been hurt and the insecure part of me is always saying, "Your going to get hurt again."
I can't take it. My dad is always treating me like shit and makes me feel worse.
He gets mad at me for the littlest things and it truly ruins my day. Friends say I shouldn't let it but it does.
What to do?

[Ambrosia]

You're eighteen, lady. Start planning on moving out. Daddy shouldn't be effecting you this way anymore, or ever for that matter, and it's time for you to realize you control your life, not him or anyone else. When he starts to upset you, remind yourself that it's your life, and you are the only one who has any say in how it goes. Go out and get yourself a job to help boost your self confidence, start saving money so you can get a place to rent, and get the hell out of dodge! The sooner you do that, the quicker you'll start to realize not only can you be physically independent but you can be mentally independent from all those bringing you down.

Your dad just wants whats best for you. I know the feeling, my mother was the same way to me. He doesn't know how else to handle the situation, I'm sure, and is probably doing the best he can with what little resources he has via experience. If explaining to him that he is a root cause of your distress doesn't help ease his pressure, do as I stated above.

You're a strong woman, and you can do and be anything you want to be.

[HealingScars]

Thanks Ambrosia. And, I am moving in with my boyfriend on Sunday. Not only that I have a job orientation on Monday. :D So I am moving on and letting go of the place I have called home.
He has no right to judge me or push me around. It is my life and I will do what makes me happy. If that makes my family upset or mad then that is not much of a family.

[Ambrosia]

The thing about family is that they get over it, and will love you anyways. I had to learn that the hard way. Moving out and moving on, good job! :)