So. So. tired of living

[Carly011]

Anyone ever just feel totally drained and so so tired of living? Thats how i feel right now. I am just so sick and tired of living. I don't want to do it anymore. I just feel done. I can't keep going through this stuff anymore, its to hard and im not strong enough. I just feel like giving up. Im so so tired. i just dont know if i can do this... i dont think i can.

I hate myself so much. Why cant i stop cutting? why cant i be happy? why am i such a pain? why am i so ugly? why am i so stupid? why why why. I don't deserve to live. I would be so much better off dead.... i cant do this!

Well thanks for reading if you did, i just needed to get this off my chest. thats all.

[xXoblivionXx]

I know how it feels a few weeks ago I was asking myself the same thing. Feeling tired is one of the worst feelings. It hurts to wear a fake smile, it hurts to go to school, it hurts to be alive. But you are better off alive. The great thing about living is that you can change, grow, learn from your mistakes. I'm not saying it's easy but it is a second chance. When you are dead you are dead. Just take things in small portions, make it to the summer. Then try to make it to the new school year, then to winter break. Viva La Vida- Live Your Life

[Fractured Silhouette]

Totally. Just try not to think about yourself in that way. Life is uncertain, chances are it'll get better eventually. You CAN be happy, just try to believe it. Wow, that sounded cliche. Anyway, there are lots of people here for you if you need to talk to someone.

You just need to take life one day at a time and slowly things may start to look up. Don't kill yourself, you'd definitely not be better off dead, no-one is.

[XxAssasiNxX]

I dont cut or anything but i think the exact same as you do. some weeks are awesome and some where i just wanna die. you have to try and just do womething to just not think about it and shit.

[HealingScars]

I get that feeling of just wanting to die also. Where one week everything is great and the next week is hell and all I want to do is curl up and die. Being around my dad doesn't help much at all. He always has a way of making me feel like shit.
It has been awhile since I last cut and now these powerful urges or so overwhelming. I do not know what to do.

[Carly011]

I just...i just don't know anymore. Everything seems so hard. So hard and i just dont have the energy to do it. I have so much going on in my life, between problems with my brother, problems with my parents, school, work, volunteering, my future, my heart problems ect. So much. I just can't do all of this anymore.

And now summer is coming up and my legs are horrible...I have so many cuts and scars on my upper-mid thighs. How am i going to wear shorts? With my heart problems i am very sensitive to heat so i know i wont be able to always wear jeans when its 80 degrees out because i will be miserable. So now what do i do? I can't let everyone see my scars/cuts. They are very noticeable. How am i going to hide them??? I am literally freaking out about it.... i can not handle everyone knowing about them. I just cant.

[HealingScars]

Carly just take a second an breathe. It is okay. If you live alone you should have no problem wearing shorts. And, if you have go out wear shorts with dark colored leggings underneath. Yes, you will get hot but at least your scars are covered. Its hard I know and I understand. I've been there.
I know how hard it is always worry about how to hide the cuts or scars. I remember when I was still cutting on my upper thigh during last summer and getting in a chlorinated pool was a bitch. Hiding the pain was extremely hard and then on top of that making sure my shorts didn't ride up. So I completely get it.

[Tylerd01]

Ok listen Carly. There is no reason that anybody should end their life. The reason why you can't be happy is probably because you have been hurt alot in the past and you are remembering all of it. Don't remember the past. Think positive about the future and not negative. Find a guy that will treat you right and not like an ass. Don't cut, harm, or kill yourself cause it's not worth it sweetie.

[Carly011]

you guys...i can't do this. I cant. i really really cant. hopefully by this weekend i wont have to deal with this pain anymore. I'm done. i am so so done. I hate myself. everyone hates me. i have nothing left in my life. Nothing. Why should i live, if i have nothing to live for?

Thanks for the help everyone....im sorry

[xXoblivionXx]

Please don't do this! Please, don't give up. I know how it feels, I know that everyone's situation is different but please don't do this. Are you talking to a counselor or a therapist? Please call a suicide hotline they can help, please if you have to get away from your problems please get out of town for a little or something but please don't kill yourself. Please Carly...

[Desuetude]

This doesn't have to be the end. Talk to someone, anyone, call a hotline if you need to.
You have lots to live for it might take a little time to work out what you want from your life but hopefully it should come to you. All we can do is urge you to get help, you're not hated by everyone you've just thought that for so long that you believe it now. It isn't true.
Like xYz said, if you need to take some time away from the problems. It should help being able to clear your mind from the things that are causing you pain. You don't need to resort to this though, talk to someone that could help. A friend, teacher, parent, hotline because they listen.

[xXoblivionXx]

There is always something to live for. It may be small, it may be minor but it is something. I don't know you that well but there must be something in your life that is worth living for, PLEASE don't do this. Please it will end your pain but it will end everything else. Actually, it doesn't end your pain, it passes it on to the people that care about you. People like your friends and family, people like me on this forum.

[figaro42]

You need to do something. Literally, DO SOMETHING. If you're so flawed (as we all are) then think about the SOLUTIONS (I'm serious: not the causes, or the difficulty, but pure solutions)

Set a small goal, paint something you see for example (by the way you express yourself I can infer that you're obviously not disabled). At first it will come out horrible, you will feel frustrated, but given that we are incredibly intelligent we can IMPROVE. In less than you think you will be doing wonders and signifying something.

Seriously Carly, look at nature: what creature just kills itself? Not a single plankton! It is unnatural to do that!

Think, we humans are blessed with both emotions and reason, NEVER has a person led by emotion alone succeeded.

I'm sorry to say this but I wouldn't hang out with a person led only by selfish negative feelings, you make your own environment, and you CAN make it welcoming for others.
You need to believe in yourself and smile for God's sake!

Don't kill yourself, it is really stupid.

[Tylerd01]

Carly don't do it. You will regret it. You have your whole life ahead of you. And just because one person or two people hates you doesn't mean everybody hates you. Trust me. Don't do it at all.

[Carly011]

I didn't...haven't....done it. I came close, so so close, but i did not do it. I am just trying to survive till monday when i have an appt with my therapist. I know its not something i should do, i want to so bad....but i know my family will suffer and its not the answer. After i get out of that "moment" of intense emotion i am usually ok, of course i still dont want to be here, but i am not going to follow through with it because i am calmer now and i know people DO care even if i think they dont.

figaro42: i dont care if people wouldnt hang out with me....many people with depression cut themselves off from everyone. It's not like i WANT to be like this, but i cant change over night. I have an illness...it is depression....it is not something that just "goes away" because i want it to its something that needs to be worked on. I need to worry more about ME, and MYSELF then making other people happy and feel welcomed in my life. The people who truly love and care about me will stand with me through the good times and the bad. Right now is a bad time but it will get better one day.


Everyone else thank you for the support. It always help hearing about why i SHOULDNT do it and make my brain listen :)

[xXoblivionXx]

You are strong Carly, it takes a lot of guts to not do what you wanted to do but you did it. Congrats! We are here for you whenever you need us. :)

[MemoriesLost]

Listen, I know what your going through. I really do. I feel the exact same way sometimes, but it's the people on this site and a few closer people I can trust who really make me hold on. Don't think all the negative things. I know it's hard, but you need to think of only the good in the world. Sometimes it can seem as scarce as purple zebras, but there is some out there. Concentrate on the people you care about so much and all the good times you've had in your life. What I do anytime I feel suicidal is go for a walk. It may seem silly, but it helps me think about things other than what I'm going through. It really helps me keep my chin up. Hang in there, I know you can.

[XxArcAngelxX]

You need to do something. Literally, DO SOMETHING. If you're so flawed (as we all are) then think about the SOLUTIONS (I'm serious: not the causes, or the difficulty, but pure solutions)

Set a small goal, paint something you see for example (by the way you express yourself I can infer that you're obviously not disabled). At first it will come out horrible, you will feel frustrated, but given that we are incredibly intelligent we can IMPROVE. In less than you think you will be doing wonders and signifying something.

Seriously Carly, look at nature: what creature just kills itself? Not a single plankton! It is unnatural to do that!

Think, we humans are blessed with both emotions and reason, NEVER has a person led by emotion alone succeeded.

I'm sorry to say this but I wouldn't hang out with a person led only by selfish negative feelings, you make your own environment, and you CAN make it welcoming for others.
You need to believe in yourself and smile for God's sake!

Don't kill yourself, it is really stupid.

While some of your advise about setting goals can be helpful there are some things in you post that aren't factually correct. for instance there are some animal species that have been known to kill themself. and also animals have emotions have you ever seen a dog happy? while i don't see eye to eye with you that theres a god i can understand where you are coming from.

Also it is hard for people to see logically if they are in that state of mind, ive been there myself quite alot, anyway i just thought id add in =p

[figaro42]

While some of your advise about setting goals can be helpful there are some things in you post that aren't factually correct. for instance there are some animal species that have been known to kill themself. and also animals have emotions have you ever seen a dog happy? while i don't see eye to eye with you that theres a god i can understand where you are coming from.

Also it is hard for people to see logically if they are in that state of mind, ive been there myself quite alot, anyway i just thought id add in =p

I don't understand the coming from part.
Umm, I've been there too and understand how hard it can be, but it feels much better once you've controlled you emotions.. Much much better.

Dogs can't love or hate. Nor can any animal have such an emotional expression as to kill itself. That's what I am saying.
However do not compare people to animals (that was not my intent), instead encourage them to analyze the natural order of things, in which we humans take our special place given our advantages without disregard for our biological structure and chemical processes which attach us to the said order, meaning: we are a part of nature and respond to our natural inclinations with the conjunction and aid of reason and emotions.

I gave my advise to be taken or not, not to debate over it in a serious thread in which I pretended to help. I regret its upsetting qualities. Done here.

[Carly011]

Thank you everyone :) Sometimes i feel so "weak" for not following through, but then i remember i am strong for NOT following through. In the moment, of course i am not thinking clearly. I just feel like its the only answer. I have been to that place so many times, but this time was the worse...i came so close, to the point of having the pills up to my lips. But then i didnt do it. I thought of everyone on here, i thought of what i had to live for.

You guys really helped a lot. it helped to hear what i SHOULD live for, not what i dont have. So thank you :)

I ended up going for a drive, probably not the best idea cause i was so crazy :p but it helped i finally calmed down after ALOT of driving and a lot of crying! And a lot of greys anatomy, some sleep and about a dozen cuts(better then killing myself though right?)

I have a therapist appt on monday, and i am going to tell her about this...she MAY want to send me to the hospital, considering every time i go there we are right on the edge, and i always have to convince her i WONT kill myself...and usually i am ok and but then i have something that pushes me to the edge and well this happens! So now she probably wont trust me, but hopefully we figure something out to help me. I am also going to talk to her about stopping cutting...i hate looking at these scars all over my body but i dont know how to stop.

And yes, going to the point of almost killing you is very hard for people to understand unless they have been to that point before. Before i was like "this" i use to think people were selfish for killing themselves. But then i thought about it, and well its not selfish. Its horribly horribly sad that they feel that dying is the only way out. Unless you have been in a place as dark as that, you cant understand.

Thats why i am glad i have this place to turn to, because most of you DO understand.

So thank you everyone you helped me a TON :)

[Carly011]

I don't understand the coming from part.
Umm, I've been there too and understand how hard it can be, but it feels much better once you've controlled you emotions.. Much much better.

Dogs can't love or hate. Nor can any animal have such an emotional expression as to kill itself. That's what I am saying.
However do not compare people to animals (that was not my intent), instead encourage them to analyze the natural order of things, in which we humans take our special place given our advantages without disregard for our biological structure and chemical processes which attach us to the said order, meaning: we are a part of nature and respond to our natural inclinations with the conjunction and aid of reason and emotions.

I gave my advise to be taken or not, not to debate over it in a serious thread in which I pretended to help. I regret its upsetting qualities. Done here.

I really do appreciate you trying to help, thank you for that. I am just saying, its very hard to control your emotions when you are A.overly sensitive as it is and B. in the middle of a battle with depression and anxiety. I am trying though and i am working on it with medications and therapy. When i am at the point of killing myself, i am not being selfish as much as it may seem i am. In my mind everyone around me would be better off without me. At that moment i believe i am doing everyone a favor. Once i calm down and get out of that whirlwind of despair i think more clearly. I am not much of a science/nature type of person, so i dont really look at the world around my like you do. Instead i try and remind myself of everyone who cares about me. Everything i have to live for. My goals in life and what i have. Then i throw myself into mindless tv or a good book to distract myself till i can calm down and think clearly. Thats how i got out of this horrible moment. And thanks to the help of everyone here i did NOT kill myself. Honestly.. i think i might have if i hadnt read what you guys had said.

So thank you to EVERY SINGLE ONE of you for helping in your own ways :)

[figaro42]

I really do appreciate you trying to help, thank you for that. I am just saying, its very hard to control your emotions when you are A.overly sensitive as it is and B. in the middle of a battle with depression and anxiety. I am trying though and i am working on it with medications and therapy. When i am at the point of killing myself, i am not being selfish as much as it may seem i am. In my mind everyone around me would be better off without me. At that moment i believe i am doing everyone a favor. Once i calm down and get out of that whirlwind of despair i think more clearly. I am not much of a science/nature type of person, so i dont really look at the world around my like you do. Instead i try and remind myself of everyone who cares about me. Everything i have to live for. My goals in life and what i have. Then i throw myself into mindless tv or a good book to distract myself till i can calm down and think clearly. Thats how i got out of this horrible moment. And thanks to the help of everyone here i did NOT kill myself. Honestly.. i think i might have if i hadnt read what you guys had said.

So thank you to EVERY SINGLE ONE of you for helping in your own ways :)

Something tells me that you are a nice person and that you'll be just fine ;)

Good luck!

[Carly011]

Thank you, you don't know how much that means to me right at this moment. Some people think i am a bit of a bitch...i don't try to it just comes out that way sometimes because its kind of my defense mechanism. you know? if i dont let anyone get close to me, no one can hurt me.

[Tylerd01]

Carly I am welcome to have helped you. I know what its like because I have almost done it too but then I realized that whats the point. I realized that people will miss me even the people who are mean and doesnt do good things to me, I still know they will be upset. So don't do it ever. If you ever have that thought again just stop thinking about it and think about the people who actually care and the people who will miss you.