Am I such a bad person?

[Carlyle]

I wish I could go hide in a hole for a while. It feels like everything I personally worked up to just collapsed under me.

Why am I always told to do everything? I don't give a fuck if I'm the older sibling, that doesn't mean he should get things easy and I have to do everything you ask. I offered to help, not bend over backwards for you and be your bitch. Whether I tell you or not, i have other stuff that I need to do this week that is rather important and I don't need to be stressed because of you.

You just need pushed down a flight of fucking stairs, and it better be from the tower Rapunzel was trapped in. You never shut your mouth and act like you're better than me. Sorry to tell you, but I was in the picture long before she even knew you. Get the hell out of my life and leave me alone. You shouldn't be able to tell me what to do. Also, quit distorting the truth. Then you make me seem like an ass and no one trusts me. Do you know how much it fucking hurts when your own family won't trust you? I was going to say I hope you burn in hell, but not if I'm already going there. Dealing with you the next few years is enough, it will not happen when I die too.

Why can you never say you're proud of me? I'm your own son, your own blood, and the best I can get out of you is a "good job". Do you really want me to do good in life? I may be smart without the help of others, but its nice to have some encouragement every once in a while and to know you care. Am I just not enough for you? Or do you love him more than your own son? I really hope you figure it out soon, or I won't make you pick. I'll just leave and you will never see me again. Not once could you congratulate me on having my pieces put in our spring arts program, or encourage me to run for student office. I decided to do it all myself and put the initiative in. Why do I feel like I'm wasting my breath with you, of all people? You understand me so much better than everyone else and you still act like I'm the biggest mistake in your life..

Just a rant.. Just ignore it if you want, I just needed to put it somewhere before I did something too drastic..

[Stronger]

Austin, you aren't a bad person at all. I may not know you too too well, but you just don't seem like one. I may not know what your going through but I am sorry to hear the way your being treated, that's not right. Can you talk to someone closer about this, how does your mom view this? I know I don't seem like much help, but I hope things will get better for you. <3 :hug:

[StoppingTime]

Brandon is right. It would be best if you couls sit and talk to a close family member about how you ar being treated, and see what they have to say. You could try a school counselor too if you'd like, however, they may not be of as much help in this situation.
Some people just don't care that much. You seem to be doing amazing, so just focus on that. If that someone doesn't want to waste time on you, then just show them how much you can accomplish.

[Dimitri]

Austin, I think you need to talk to someone about this, someone like a counselor at school. I know it can be hard, I am the lest as well and I am expected to do a lot of things plus hold down two jobs and go to school full time.

It is tough but don't give up, the last time I was told by my father that he loved me was when I cam tout to the family, before and after that I haven't heard it again and as for the support all i got was a good job as well.

He, my father has never really done too much for me other put a house over my head and food on the table, other than that there has been no effort to help with homework or projects or anything else, it was all my mother.

I am always here if you need to talk or vent. You know how to get a hold of me bud, I am here for yah.

[Carlyle]

Thanks guys. I just kinda had a melt down.. I'm a bit better now after a trip to wal mart (might put it here somewhere) :D Glad you guys commented though, it really helped.

[Abyssal Echo]

Austin, you aren't a bad person at all. I may not know you too too well, but you just don't seem like one. I may not know what your going through but I am sorry to hear the way your being treated, that's not right. Can you talk to someone closer about this, how does your mom view this? I know I don't seem like much help, but I hope things will get better for you. <3 :hug:

I totally agree with Stronger :) it sucks the way ur being treated. Do try to find someone to talk to a close friend, councelor at school, someone you can trust.