Lies

[Jet.]

So, this is to do with my parents. They have always beeen separated for as long as i can remember. They always got on okayish, they were civil, a few times throughout the years they've had minor fallouts, but lately things are worse.
Its mostly my fault, and i'm not going to get into it, but they had a big argument, and now their using everything against each other to go to their lawyers. And my dad want's me to lie to mum. I really don't feel comfertable doing it, but i don't know what else to do. My dad only gets me on friday nights, occasionally Saturdays, but he wants to make it permenant because he says my mum is unfit because of her disorder (I don't agree with this). Anyway, he's going to a wedding in a few weeks, and i'm going to stay at my friends at the weekend, but he wants to take me off school for a few days so that he can pretend that he's taking me to a caravan site, because it won't look good in court if he gave up his weekend with me to do something else, which he's done alot before. I don't feel comfertable lying to my Mum, but i feel that i should do this after everything that he's done for me.

Anyway, i'd just like to say thanks if you sat and read through that, and thanks if you have any advice.

[Desuetude]

I really don't think this is fair of your Dad, not at all. He wants full custody over you? In all honsty he doesn't deserve it, putting you in the middle of all of this shows that he's willing to use you to get what he wants.
I think you need to tell your Mum. Although it may hurt your Dad she deserves to know what's happening, especially when the lies are this big. You shouldn't have to lie to her and don't feel you owe him anything. Yes he may have done a lot for you and it's always ncie to give back but this is just going to far in my opinion. Without you what would your Mum have? You are her baby and she would have nothing left to show for it. You deserve each other and quite frankly anyone who would lie to the court and pretend to care, doesn't.
You should really talk to both your parents. Tell your Dad you don't feel comfortable about it and see what he has to say and tell you Mum what he's planning to do. This really isn't fair on you and i'm so sorry you have to go through this.
Parents can dictate our lives and it just isn't fair.

[Jet.]

The thing is, i've already lied.A few minutes ago my Mum said that she couldn't wait untill the weekend for a break... and i told her. Now i just feel really guilty, but i can't go back. Would it not have caused more problems between the two if i said? But now i just feel so guilty, and i'm scared of her reaction if she finds out. Dug myself a hole haha...

Thankyou for replying

[TeddyBearRock]

Dont lie to your mum just tell her and ask not to say anything and usiing a disorder to get full time care of you is wrong, If your older than 14 (i think) you have a say, REMEMBER THAT and if it does go to cout you will be questioned on these thing so dont side with one parent and lie about the other

[Jet.]

I'm nearly 15... I know that she won't not say anything, and then my Dad won't talk to me, but if my Mum finds out she won't talk to me, either way i'm screwed really.

[Desuetude]

The thing is, i've already lied.A few minutes ago my Mum said that she couldn't wait untill the weekend for a break... and i told her. Now i just feel really guilty, but i can't go back. Would it not have caused more problems between the two if i said? But now i just feel so guilty, and i'm scared of her reaction if she finds out. Dug myself a hole haha...

Thankyou for replying
The thing is, who would you rather be with, your mum or dad?
You can still dig yourself out now, you just need to get that little extra bit of courage and just tell her what your Dad has asked you to do. She wont be directing her anger at you because none of this is your fault, you are stuck in the middle of a horrible battle. It's sick that some parents cant work out their differences for their kids. You should always come first no matter the circumstances.
If you keep with this there will be more and more lies to come, just you wait. I'd dig myself out now while I had the chance if I were you.
I'm nearly 15... I know that she won't not say anything, and then my Dad won't talk to me, but if my Mum finds out she won't talk to me, either way i'm screwed really.
It doesn't matter if she says something to your Dad. That's their problem, they can battle this out without getting you so involved. They should be mature enough to manage that. Why would your Mum not talk to you, if she loves and cares for you then of course she would, you've done nothing wrong.

[Noxail]

So, this is to do with my parents. They have always beeen separated for as long as i can remember. They always got on okayish, they were civil, a few times throughout the years they've had minor fallouts, but lately things are worse.
Its mostly my fault, and i'm not going to get into it, but they had a big argument, and now their using everything against each other to go to their lawyers. And my dad want's me to lie to mum. I really don't feel comfertable doing it, but i don't know what else to do. My dad only gets me on friday nights, occasionally Saturdays, but he wants to make it permenant because he says my mum is unfit because of her disorder (I don't agree with this). Anyway, he's going to a wedding in a few weeks, and i'm going to stay at my friends at the weekend, but he wants to take me off school for a few days so that he can pretend that he's taking me to a caravan site, because it won't look good in court if he gave up his weekend with me to do something else, which he's done alot before. I don't feel comfertable lying to my Mum, but i feel that i should do this after everything that he's done for me.

Anyway, i'd just like to say thanks if you sat and read through that, and thanks if you have any advice.

Honestly, It's not right of you dad to use you. You arn't a pawn, and you should be treated like a person not a chess piece. However, it's also up to you to tell the truth. As a minor, you are expected to tell the truth. That's why children are such a huge part in crime investigations, because they tend to be more truthfull than adults. And I hate to pull this card, but it's also illegal to lie to the court, and should they find out, chances are it would look way worse for your dad than just telling the truth. All in all, do what you think is right. From the sounds of it, you and your mum need each other. Can you suggest a joint-custody agreement with more time with your dad? I don't know -.- I hope my rambling helped you somewhat xP ~Holli


Edited: ahh I missed so much typing up that responce ^ And I'm slightly confused, what did you tell your mum, that your going on a trip, or to a friend's house?

[Jet.]

MyOblivion: Thankyou, this means alot to me. I do want to stay with my Mum, I just feel like i owe my Dad. You would think that they could sort this out themselves, but to be truthfull sometimes i feel myself being the adult in these situations. My Mum can't do it alone and my Dad can just be a child. I told my Mum the truth this morning. I think she's still thinking it all through, as she's not brought it up, i don't know.

HolliBlood: Thanks, i told my Mum that i was going to the caravan site, but this morning i told her the truth. My Dad tried for split custody but my Mum never agree'd, she wanted him to only have Friday's, so now he's going for full custody.
I know it's confusing haha, welcome to my life:')

[Desuetude]

MyOblivion: Thankyou, this means alot to me. I do want to stay with my Mum, I just feel like i owe my Dad. You would think that they could sort this out themselves, but to be truthfull sometimes i feel myself being the adult in these situations. My Mum can't do it alone and my Dad can just be a child. I told my Mum the truth this morning. I think she's still thinking it all through, as she's not brought it up, i don't know.
No problem. You need to remember that you owe your Dad nothing, you aren't in debt to him in any way, okay? I know how you feel, when my parents have the joy of meeting on "swap over days" they act like a pair of little kids and trying to ignore it does nothing so you just have to get involved and be the bigger person. It's hard and I think they expect more from you being seperated, that's what i've found anyway.
Well done for telling your Mum the truth though! That's okay, give her time to process it all because it's got to have been a shock for her. Try to be there and comfort her, tell her that he won't get full custody and tell her that you want to stay with her. You just have to make her see that you are on her side.
My Dad tried for split custody but my Mum never agree'd, she wanted him to only have Friday's, so now he's going for full custody.
I know it's confusing haha, welcome to my life:')
Well, do you know why your mum didn't agree? I can understand his motives especially if he was splitting it down the middle at the beginning but that doesn't mean he should take you away from her completely. Damn being a child is hard sometimes. Just try to stay calm for both of them and just be honest, lies only lead to more lies and that will make everything worse.

[Noxail]

MyOblivion: Thankyou, this means alot to me. I do want to stay with my Mum, I just feel like i owe my Dad. You would think that they could sort this out themselves, but to be truthfull sometimes i feel myself being the adult in these situations. My Mum can't do it alone and my Dad can just be a child. I told my Mum the truth this morning. I think she's still thinking it all through, as she's not brought it up, i don't know.

HolliBlood: Thanks, i told my Mum that i was going to the caravan site, but this morning i told her the truth. My Dad tried for split custody but my Mum never agree'd, she wanted him to only have Friday's, so now he's going for full custody.
I know it's confusing haha, welcome to my life:')

I'm going to inject this in here, although the statement wasn't directed at me. As his child, under eighteen, you owe him nothing. It is his job to keep his youngins healthy and happy. If he is old enough to make babies, he's old enough to take care of them, and believe it or not making sure they're entertained and content is part of caring for anything. You're not in debt to him at all, and don't let him hound you into feeling that way :yes: ~Holli