yankeefan7723
April 22nd, 2012, 11:35 AM
I've been trying to cope with this for a while, but it always eats at me everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that this kind of stuff doesn't pop into my head and I don't really know what else to do so I'm here to more or less vent and possibly receive some advice.
So for the last month or so I've been suffering with small, isolated bouts of depression. I'm someone who thinks, A LOT. Almost to the point of overthinking and overexaming things which can happen at times. I've just felt like a loser. I feel unwanted, unneeded, and not cared for. I feel like I have no friends. If I sit down and think about it, I could come up with 15-20 people I could hit up and ask if they want to go do something, but there's only like 2 that I actually do. But no one ever hits me up and asks if I want to go do something. Maybe to go play ball here and there, but not to go to a party or the mall or anywhere. No one ever reaches out to me or takes an interest in me. I have maybe 5 friends who I can really trust. On weekends, a lot of times I'm home. I connect a lot with my brother and his friends, (he's 23), and so if I can I'll hang around them, but I should be out having a blast with people my age, but I'm not. There aren't many people for me to do that stuff with. But this isn't even the biggest part of why I feel like this...
The main reason for feeling like this is my virginity. I'm 18, just turned 18 a few weeks ago, and I'm still a virgin. I know this isn't a terrible thing. My brother and a female friend of mine have assured me it's fine, but for me it isn't. My best friend just lost his early last month (he's younger than I am - 17) and since I've just felt pressured to lose mine. Since then he always brings it up. He doesn't throw it in my face, but he talks about it when possible because he can relate because he's done it. And it's not so much being a virgin at 18, it's that I don't see myself losing it anytime soon. During school, I only talk to about 3-4 girls tops and I don't consider them options at all. I don't even hang out with them. I have two female friends; my best friend's girl and her best friend and what frustrates me even more is that I didn't even meet them. If it weren't for my friend I wouldn't even know them which makes me feel even more like a loser.
I'm taking her to prom (my best friend's GF's best friend, and there ma be something between us. It's kinda complicated. She likes another guy who plays her, but she likes me too...idk. But it's like if she falls through I have nothing. I just tried going out with this girl I've known for years over spring break. She's had a rep for being a slut, but I gave her a benefit of the doubt. 24hrs after asking her out she cheats on me. So that kinda hurt, but I moved on. Besides her, I've had a few GFs over the years but I was either too insecure to actually hang out with them (this was during middle school) or they were too insecure to hang out with me (high school). I haven't kissed a girl since I was 10...it gets to me. I'm not even bad with women either. I can be quite charming. It's just all my life I've pushed them away or kept myself at a distance because I was always too insecure over my weight issues which I'm finally sorting out.
I just don't feel like I have much. I don't feel like many people care about me. I want a relationship, but have no options and only know few women. I want to go out and meet people and party and meet women and this summer may bring that. Myself and a few friends plan on spending lots of time down there so it may happen, but I just feel like....bleh. It's tough and I don't think I fully explained what I'm feeling, but hopefully you get the picture. It really just gets me down.
So for the last month or so I've been suffering with small, isolated bouts of depression. I'm someone who thinks, A LOT. Almost to the point of overthinking and overexaming things which can happen at times. I've just felt like a loser. I feel unwanted, unneeded, and not cared for. I feel like I have no friends. If I sit down and think about it, I could come up with 15-20 people I could hit up and ask if they want to go do something, but there's only like 2 that I actually do. But no one ever hits me up and asks if I want to go do something. Maybe to go play ball here and there, but not to go to a party or the mall or anywhere. No one ever reaches out to me or takes an interest in me. I have maybe 5 friends who I can really trust. On weekends, a lot of times I'm home. I connect a lot with my brother and his friends, (he's 23), and so if I can I'll hang around them, but I should be out having a blast with people my age, but I'm not. There aren't many people for me to do that stuff with. But this isn't even the biggest part of why I feel like this...
The main reason for feeling like this is my virginity. I'm 18, just turned 18 a few weeks ago, and I'm still a virgin. I know this isn't a terrible thing. My brother and a female friend of mine have assured me it's fine, but for me it isn't. My best friend just lost his early last month (he's younger than I am - 17) and since I've just felt pressured to lose mine. Since then he always brings it up. He doesn't throw it in my face, but he talks about it when possible because he can relate because he's done it. And it's not so much being a virgin at 18, it's that I don't see myself losing it anytime soon. During school, I only talk to about 3-4 girls tops and I don't consider them options at all. I don't even hang out with them. I have two female friends; my best friend's girl and her best friend and what frustrates me even more is that I didn't even meet them. If it weren't for my friend I wouldn't even know them which makes me feel even more like a loser.
I'm taking her to prom (my best friend's GF's best friend, and there ma be something between us. It's kinda complicated. She likes another guy who plays her, but she likes me too...idk. But it's like if she falls through I have nothing. I just tried going out with this girl I've known for years over spring break. She's had a rep for being a slut, but I gave her a benefit of the doubt. 24hrs after asking her out she cheats on me. So that kinda hurt, but I moved on. Besides her, I've had a few GFs over the years but I was either too insecure to actually hang out with them (this was during middle school) or they were too insecure to hang out with me (high school). I haven't kissed a girl since I was 10...it gets to me. I'm not even bad with women either. I can be quite charming. It's just all my life I've pushed them away or kept myself at a distance because I was always too insecure over my weight issues which I'm finally sorting out.
I just don't feel like I have much. I don't feel like many people care about me. I want a relationship, but have no options and only know few women. I want to go out and meet people and party and meet women and this summer may bring that. Myself and a few friends plan on spending lots of time down there so it may happen, but I just feel like....bleh. It's tough and I don't think I fully explained what I'm feeling, but hopefully you get the picture. It really just gets me down.