Am I Completely Losing My Mind?!?!?

[Wiltedrose2394]

Because I feel like I am. I feel so..... Crazy (for lack of a better term.)
I don't know what to think anymore. I can hold myself together for a few hours, but then I just lose it. I start crying, dissociating, and doing nervous habits (I.e.- Biting myself, rocking back and forth, hitting myself in the head).
I don't know what to do; I can tell what's real anymore. I KNOW what's real; it just doesn't connect in my head. I feel so much pain and craziness, and yet I don't know where it's coming from. My mom says "Oh, You can get through it; you seem to be doing better today!", when in reality I am doing SO much worse. I feel myself slipping farther in every day. I can distract myself while I'm in public; but the second I walk into the house, I just lose it.
I don't want to exist anymore; I don't think it would be good for me to exist anymore. But I lack the enthusiasm about killing myself to actually do it. I feel so much pressure from my mom to NOT feel like this; to NOT be suicidal. I feel this single need to go on, and spare myself, for her sake. I don't know if I need my family to give me tough love and tell me they need me; or if I need them to go back into ignorance and not have any idea. I don't know what I need; I dunno I dunno I dunno I dunno!!!!!!! I just know I want to find a way to stop this! I want to pull my hair out and beat myself until this all goes away!!! (Even though I know that this will solve nothing and is just weeks of frustration that has built up and is now exploding in my face :P)

God....... I need help. I tell my counselors, but they don't know. No one knows.... Not even I know how bad it is yet.

Advice????

[Insano]

I wasn't going to originally post in these forums other than just to ask a few questions myself, but here it is.

I have felt like that sometimes too. I used to wonder what it really was that I was supposed to be doing in my life. I don't think that I ever really got nearly as bad as you are currently, but I'm not sure. I think I might have some advice that could be of some use to you. First, be absolutely honest. With yourself, with family, everything. Write down things, either first thing in the morning or right before going to bed at night. Write down any little thought, no matter how big or small. If and when you feel like writing about any problems you may have, do it, and share it with a family member or a counselor. And whatever you do, keep thinking as positive as you can. I know that's a big cliche but... It works. I know. Just hang in there, and try to overcome it in any way you might know how. I know for me, that was getting on the computer and playing games until I blew off everything. For you, try new things, or do something you really enjoy.