Finally admitted to myself I need help

[Love.Hate]

I thought I was over it you see, I know it's stupid to think you can get over something like rape so quickly. However I'd convinced myself I was okay and that I could now cope with life. I was so wrong. Yesterday I saw the guy, he walked passed me in town, I just went pale and numb. He saw me and gave me such a smug smile, he is so pleased with himself :( he knows that he has gotten away with it. I still feel physically sick if I think about it too much. I completely broke down to mum in the car home, I have never felt quite so helpless in my life.

Truth of the matter is I really need help, I know I do.. Just to kinda get my head around it and to stop hating myself so much. My only dilemma that's stopping me getting it is I know I will have to talk about it and think about what he did to me and how it made me feel. Even writing this is hard enough. I know I should be brave and go, it will get easier in time, but I'm terrified that if I think about it again in any depth I will end up back in hospital, back on a shitty ward being treated like a time waster and I can't hurt people like that.

I'm so low right now and I'm terrified it'll knock me lower, I'm on anti depressants and they aren't even making me feel better. I really am starting to lose control. I just wish I could turn back time.


Do you guys think it'll do me any good giving it a bit more time before I go talk to someone, or should I just be brave and fight it now?

[FullyAlive]

Hey Fran <3

I don't have any experience or anything so I'm not going to say I know how you feel, but I would tell you to get the help now, go talk to someone. I understand how difficult talking to people is and about this it must be extremely hard but I think it would be beneficial. If you leave it and wait you could really lose control and things might get out of hand.. Look what happened before? Please go and talk to someone now?

And keep focusing on the good things too, like the baby and special people.. ;) (me obviously).

Love you lots Furby <3 I'm around to talk if you do ever need okay, you have various ways to get in touch :P

[Love.Hate]

Hey Fran <3

I don't have any experience or anything so I'm not going to say I know how you feel, but I would tell you to get the help now, go talk to someone. I understand how difficult talking to people is and about this it must be extremely hard but I think it would be beneficial. If you leave it and wait you could really lose control and things might get out of hand.. Look what happened before? Please go and talk to someone now?

And keep focusing on the good things too, like the baby and special people.. ;) (me obviously).

Love you lots Furby <3 I'm around to talk if you do ever need okay, you have various ways to get in touch :P

I love you Fred <3 thankyou for replying sweetheart :)

Im just thinking why knock myself whilst im already low, try to pick myself up with baby and stuff then try? Oh i dont know.. i hate talking to people.. least it wont be shitty CAHMS this time :L Im scared if i put too much pressure on myself to get better now, then it wont just affect me but i'll be horrid around my family when they need me most.. aaaah :S

:hug: big cuddlessss

[Smeagol]

Good luck Fran! I hope that you get help soon and that that bastard doesn't get away with it. I wish you the best of luck :hug:

[Love.Hate]

Good luck Fran! I hope that you get help soon and that that bastard doesn't get away with it. I wish you the best of luck :hug:

Thankyou, I appreciate it :) :hug:

[MemoriesLost]

I pray you will feel better. I think you should wait.... maybe a week to go to talk to someone. Since it's been such a short time since you've seen him, you may still be in a sort of fragile state. And DO NOT hate yourself. Whomever did this to you- THEY are the terrible person. Why should anybody else harm you like this?! I just hope you keep your chin up and stay strong. I know you can.

[Dimitri]

Do you guys think it'll do me any good giving it a bit more time before I go talk to someone, or should I just be brave and fight it now?

Hey there, I am so sorry that you have had the horrible experience of having to deal with demons such as this, believe me when I say this, what he took is more of a peace of mind then anything else.

I want to say this, you made the decision, that is the hardest thing you have to do. People often say that asking for help makes them feel weak, I was the same way. But listen to this, I think that when a person comes to the actualization that they need help and can no longer do this on their own - I think that is even more powerful and stronger than anyone who attempts anything on their own.

I think it takes more strength to ask for the help of someone else because you realize it is time for help, asking does not show any signs of weakness it shows signs of maturity and knowledge. The person asking for help knows their limitations and knows how to expand them with the considerations of the people around them. You can surround yourself in an impenetrable cloak of friendship and support and you can beat this, you can beat it down to the ground and into submission.

You have already made it clear to yourself that you need help and you want help. By trying to wait you will only take longer to seek the help instead of receive it. You made the choice so go with it hun.

If you need anything, please, let me know. You are not alone in this, don't ever think you are alone for one minute.

We are always here for you Fran..even if we are thousands of miles away.

:hug:

[Love.Hate]

I pray you will feel better. I think you should wait.... maybe a week to go to talk to someone. Since it's been such a short time since you've seen him, you may still be in a sort of fragile state. And DO NOT hate yourself. Whomever did this to you- THEY are the terrible person. Why should anybody else harm you like this?! I just hope you keep your chin up and stay strong. I know you can.

Thankyou! if only it was easy to keep my chin up... yeah i am still fragile, but louise is right, i might end up getting worse than i already am if i wait... i dont know, just a scary thought having to bring it all back up again :/

Hey there, I am so sorry that you have had the horrible experience of having to deal with demons such as this, believe me when I say this, what he took is more of a peace of mind then anything else.

I want to say this, you made the decision, that is the hardest thing you have to do. People often say that asking for help makes them feel weak, I was the same way. But listen to this, I think that when a person comes to the actualization that they need help and can no longer do this on their own - I think that is even more powerful and stronger than anyone who attempts anything on their own.

I think it takes more strength to ask for the help of someone else because you realize it is time for help, asking does not show any signs of weakness it shows signs of maturity and knowledge. The person asking for help knows their limitations and knows how to expand them with the considerations of the people around them. You can surround yourself in an impenetrable cloak of friendship and support and you can beat this, you can beat it down to the ground and into submission.

You have already made it clear to yourself that you need help and you want help. By trying to wait you will only take longer to seek the help instead of receive it. You made the choice so go with it hun.

If you need anything, please, let me know. You are not alone in this, don't ever think you are alone for one minute.

We are always here for you Fran..even if we are thousands of miles away.

:hug:

Thankyou ever so much! i really do appreciate it :hug:

To me, not being brave enough to get help on my own and to moan about it on here is kinda a weakness...:/ but i guess at least i have admitted it to myself, its pointless denying the fact that he did what he did, its not helping my peace of mind..

im just terrified that bringing it all up so soon will destroy me... i know i need to get help, but i just need to pluck up the courage.. oh i wish i did have supportive friends... all i have that listens to me about it is mum.. its just hard you know. i realise its never going to get better if i dont get help though

<3

[Dimitri]

Thankyou ever so much! i really do appreciate it :hug:

To me, not being brave enough to get help on my own and to moan about it on here is kinda a weakness...:/ but i guess at least i have admitted it to myself, its pointless denying the fact that he did what he did, its not helping my peace of mind..

im just terrified that bringing it all up so soon will destroy me... i know i need to get help, but i just need to pluck up the courage.. oh i wish i did have supportive friends... all i have that listens to me about it is mum.. its just hard you know. i realise its never going to get better if i dont get help though

<3

Fran, you have many and probably many more members here, right here. This is first and foremost a community and a community supports its members through thick and thin...

I know I am thousand of miles away but I am always available for a chat should you need it. We are all here for yah.

I know finding the curate is hard sometimes, you just need to take that chance and go for it, do something radical.

I am here if you ever need it.

[Breakeven]

hey sweetie , i am soo proud of u for hanging on throu all this
yea u should talk to someone but whenever u feel u are ready , take ur time
its okay to feel weak sometimes but u r very strong person , and ur going to be okay :)
"hugs" im here if u need to talk anytime u want hun <3

[Love.Hate]

Fran, you have many and probably many more members here, right here. This is first and foremost a community and a community supports its members through thick and thin...

I know I am thousand of miles away but I am always available for a chat should you need it. We are all here for yah.

I know finding the curate is hard sometimes, you just need to take that chance and go for it, do something radical.

I am here if you ever need it.

I'm not so good at radical... But harm in trying I hope :)

:hug:

hey sweetie , i am soo proud of u for hanging on throu all this
yea u should talk to someone but whenever u feel u are ready , take ur time
its okay to feel weak sometimes but u r very strong person , and ur going to be okay :)
"hugs" im here if u need to talk anytime u want hun <3

Thankyou ever so much :heart:

[spiderdude]

Do it, do it now!!

[Carolyn]

Thankyou! if only it was easy to keep my chin up... yeah i am still fragile, but louise is right, i might end up getting worse than i already am if i wait... i dont know, just a scary thought having to bring it all back up again :/



Thankyou ever so much! i really do appreciate it :hug:

To me, not being brave enough to get help on my own and to moan about it on here is kinda a weakness...:/ but i guess at least i have admitted it to myself, its pointless denying the fact that he did what he did, its not helping my peace of mind..

im just terrified that bringing it all up so soon will destroy me... i know i need to get help, but i just need to pluck up the courage.. oh i wish i did have supportive friends... all i have that listens to me about it is mum.. its just hard you know. i realise its never going to get better if i dont get help though

<3

Listen, you may feel fragile, but realize that by talking to someone and making sure this person ends up behind bars, you'll be protecting everyone else that could be hurt by him. Realize that by being brave and standing up for yourself, you'll be helping other innocent souls, and even if they don't know it, you will and it will help you be even stronger. You may feel fragile, but you're already stronger than you think. It took a lot of courage to bring this up, even here. Give yourself some credit for that.

*hugs*

[commikid]

Hey there Fran, I have just read through all of the above and I'm not clear on bits but I wont ask because I know it can't be an easy subject to talk about. I live in the UK aswel so I also know what the people are like over here and also what the justice system is like :/. I would "advise" you to talk to someone sooner rather than later tbh, I know people personally that have been in situations like yours and once the outcome is revealed for good or for bad thats when it will get easier for you because that chapter of your life is over then. You need to get things moving quicker to stop it all being a drawn out thing. At the end of the day though you are worth 100% of peoples time and you dont need to think bad of yourself for using it either because people are here to help each other, its just knowing who wants to and who dont. Please let us know how you get on, I wish you the very BEST of luck :')