Getting worse.

[maramara]

Usually I can control my feelings of being disgusted with my body, but lately it's getting bad. I only feel pretty when I'm hungry, and as soon as I eat I want to cry and have nobody see me. I'm worried. How do I pull myself out of it?

[organickush]

from looks of your pro pic, you have nothing to worry about, but you might wanna talk to a parent. it gets better

[kenoloor]

Have you tried talking to a therapist? Or going to a support group? Both of those things can be extremely helpful.

[maramara]

Yeah, I've talked to my therapist about it. He isn't a helpful guy.

[kenoloor]

If your therapist isn't helping you, you should find one who will. It can often take awhile before you find the right therapist for you, but it'll be worth it when you do.

[Smeagol]

If your therapist isn't helpful, try explaining that to your parents so that you can find somebody who is helpful.

[maramara]

My mom is an anoretic, too. She thinks not eating will make me beautiful...

[Smeagol]

Well, could you talk to a school counsellor or teacher? You are already beautiful, Mara. A healthy body isn't meant to be as skinny as that of a supermodel's. We in our society believe that a healthy weight is overweight because of the media. I hope that you can get help, you really need it. Good luck :)

[Amaryllis]

It's like running up an escalator while it's running down. A really high one. You'll stumble, grow tired, trip, fall. But some days things will be okay and you'll beat a couple more steps, maybe even more.

You know how it is, thinking in black and white? Hunger is good. Food is bad. Today is bad. Today is good. I've been good. I've been bad. It's a horrible mentality to be lugging around.

You can't control your feelings, Mara. It's like trying to tell yourself "Don't be bored. Don't be bored. Don't be bored." It doesn't work. What does work is actually doing something so you're not bored. Everything and anything can only be controlled for so long. And then BAM, it hits you.

You have to believe it. And if that's not possible, you have to tell whoever it is calling you disgusting, telling you it's better to starve - to shut the fuck up. This isn't the way to live. Hating the person you're going to be with for the rest of your life. Do you really want that for yourself?

Believe it or not, being thin or beautiful or hungry, isn't going to win you happiness. It's going to suck your life away, bit by bit. I know it's hard to control an eating disorder. Seemingly impossible, maybe. But I've seen people do it and who cares about the statistical evidence. If 1 out of 5 people recover and go on to live amazing lives, free of self-hate - you're that 1 out of 5.

Don't let your eating disorders control you. You're the boss here. Imagine life's a camera. You can either put it on auto mode and let it rule you - or you can learn all about shutter speeds and aperture and use manual mode.

[Sammy Smiles]

I don't really like anything about myself and Think I'm Not attractive in any way, People constantly tell me I am but I just don't Believe them. I started being more socially active and Became Happier. So try to be more Pleasant to talk to new people and If it doesn't get better then you should take a break from everything and surround yourself with the things you like. :)

[maramara]

Thank you so, so much. Amaryllis, you made me cry.
In a good way. You're right, it's hard. It's so fucking hard.
I've been eating more, now. Little by little, but still.
I still cry when I look at myself, I still cut because I feel guilty, but it's getting better.
I don't lay awake at night with it in bed with me. I am doing my best to kick it out.
Me and Ana, we have a destructive relationship. She hates me, and I hate her.
But she needs me. I don't want her anymore. I don't want her in my head.
I have been gaining weight.
I just want to say thank you.
You helped. You really did.