Is This as Weird as It Sounds?

[Wiltedrose2394]

I have been cutting for close to three years now. Let's just leave it at that.
I had stopped for about two months; but in the last week or so, I started again. I have been suicidal as well, and have sunk into a very deep depression that completely impairs my ability to function. I haven't left the house in a week. I only manage to groom myself, and eat occasionally.

I've told all of this to my therapists.

Is it just me, or is it really weird that I want them to look? I want them to see what I do to myself, and know how much I'm feeling. They express their concern. But it's almost like...... I need them to see; like this is the only way I can express my feelings (Even though I've been in therapy for well over a year and have developed many, many new coping skills and have learned to use my words.)

Why do I want then to be afraid for me? Why do I want them to grab me by the hand and tell me to stop it? Why do I want them to tell me what I do isn't ok?

[Fractured Silhouette]

Look, you shouldn't think it's weird. You can't help the way you feel. We all feel differently. Saying that, I'm sure there is someone else out there that feels similarly to the way you feel, somewhere.

Maybe, you feel afraid about your cutting and you want them to feel what your fear so that they are more worried about you. Or, you want them to understand better what you're going through so that they can help you in a more effective manner. Maybe because it might help reinforce the fact that cutting is something bad and something to stop.

I don't know. I'm not a therapist. But it's good your getting help with your problems. Good luck.

[kenoloor]

That doesn't sound weird or unusual at all; I know that I certainly used to feel that way a couple years ago when I first started cutting. For me, it was a combination of wanting others to hurt the way I hurt, but I also think that I did it as a way of calling for help. A small piece of my mind wanted me to get better, but I didn't know how else to effectively express that. Maybe you'll discover that's how you feel, maybe not.

But, like Luke said, it's good that you're seeing a therapist about this; therapy is crucial, in my opinion.

[Mortal Coil]

It's not weird. It's perfectly natural to want others to see how you feel, whether it's participation in your joy or, in this case, seeing your cuts. Even the most introverted people want this on some level.

[Alexithymia]

This is -so- not weird. I want everyone to see my cuts, but not in an attention seeking way. I just want people to see, "Hey, fuckers, guess what, I'm not okay, I want to be worried about!" and whatnot. It sucks in one way because if you do that then people will think that you're an attention seeker. But, maybe that's the best thing to do. At least you'll be able to be yourself.

But, hey, I'm worried about you. Is everything all right? (Durr, what a stupid question to ask. Of course not.) But, in all seriousness, are you going to be okay? Do you need someone to talk to? Maybe to get some coping skills? Whatever you need, I'm just a VM or PM away, mmkay? <3

[Carly011]

No thats not weird. Sometimes i wish my therapist would ask to see my scars/cuts and hold me accountable for stopping. I wish they would tell me to stop. Heck sometimes i wish they'd admit me to the hospital. I just want to get better, thats all i want. I understand you want them to see how much you hurt, you want them to see these scars and cuts that show how much you are really hurting. Maybe just go ahead and show them? no one has seen my scars except my brother and he freaked out(he was on drugs at the time...didnt know it) and now im afraid to show anyone else. I am ashamed but i want people to know how much i am hurting.


Good luck!!

[xXoblivionXx]

I feel this way sometimes as well. I want to show people so they care and worry about me. Otherwise, no one will want to care...

[Mirage]

You shouldn't feel like it's weird. You want them to feel your pain, so they can help you better. You want to feel appreciated and like they actually know what it feels like to be you. I live with people who completely don't understand what it's like to be in the situation that I am in right now. Shoot me a PM/VM if you have questions.