Why Do I Like It?

[ScarredForLife]

I seriously think there's something wrong with me. I know I shouldn't cut myself but I do it anyways. It makes me feel better. People see it as mutilating and awful but when I look at the cuts and the blood, I think it's beautiful. It's like an art form to me. And the scars are like battle scars just reminding me of what I've gone through. I shouldn't think like this but I can't help it. I really like the way it looks and feels. I think I'm going crazy...

[xXoblivionXx]

I feel the same way... the blood sort of calms me down. It's not just you, you're not alone. When you cut you feel better right? And you see the blood when you cut. So your brain sees the blood and feels the relief so your brain likes the blood.

[kenoloor]

You're not going crazy; there are many people just like you, myself included. I find there to be a twisted sort of beauty in my cuts and scars; grotesque, even. I know it's bad, etc. but you are definitely not alone in this. There are others like you.

[ScarredForLife]

It just makes it harder though because when I try stopping, I think about how it made me feel and how in some sick way, the cuts make me feel beautiful after. The scars are the only thing that I actually like about my body.

[kenoloor]

Is there anything else besides self-harm that makes you feel that way? Music, sports, reading, writing, drawing, etc.? If so, try to wean yourself off of cutting and finding a healthier alternative; every time I tried to quit, that always worked the best for me, but it's different for everyone.

[maramara]

I think that's a natural feeling. If it didn't make us feel "better" in some way, we wouldn't do it. Cutting is many things for many people, but it is hard to stop for nearly everyone I've talked to who does it. You just need to find something (healthy, preferably) that makes you feel the same way, like Sapphire said. Something is out there for you, darlin, and I hope you find it. In the meantime, we're always here to talk.