This pretty much sums up my day

[Twistember]

I try and try.
I really, honestly do.
But then you push me down.
And tell me all I need is you.
But what am I to do?
You make me bleed,
And I fucking love to bleed.

Why do I have to fuck everything up? I mess everything up. I'm dumb and stupid. I don't deserve even half the things I have. Sometimes I don't even think I deserve to be alive. I fucking let everyone down. People end up fucking mad at me when I try to be nice. I'm not good at being nice to people, because none of them ever take the time to be nice to me. I'm just dumb, stupid, quiet, fuck up girl. I never get any peace of mind. There is always something going on in there. My thoughts will not stop. Sometimes it is even hard to sleep. I fucking mess everything up, I really do. I mess fucking practice up. I let my coach down. I'm supposed to be a "leader" next year, too bad I fucked that up today. I'm just a burden to these people. They would be better off and have less problems if I was gone. There are some strong pain killers in the bathroom. There are 2 razor blades in my closet. I could end it right now if I wanted to. I was so mad and sad today after school, I sat on the floor in my room and held my breath. But of course, since I'm a fucking fuck up, I fucked that up too. Right now, dead would feel better than anything.

[Desuetude]

I know that right now it seems death is the best idea but it really isn't. At this moment it seems like everything is against you and you might actually be persuading yourself that you and everyone else would be better off but they wouldn't and neither would you. Death is a long term solution for what could be a short term problem.
First thing I would say is try to distance yourself from the pain killers whether that's taking a walk or hiding them some where or by someone do you can't get to them. You don't need them. Distracting yourself seems like the most impossible task right now but please try because eventually these thoughts will pass. If you have someone you can talk to even on the internet that helps as well. If not then there are sites where you can talk to someone about what you're feeling and it helps that you can be annonymous. This thread (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1106146&postcount=2) holds numbers for suicide hotlines everywhere, calling them could do you some good.
I know how you're feeling. Literally on Sunday I was feeling exactly the same way thinking the same things but it doesn't have to end now. If you do need someone to talk to them you can come to me. You don't have to be alone with these feelings.