I'm relapsing.

[screamtobeheard]

I didn't realize it at first, but I am. I went a long time eating normally. I gained a bunch of weight, naturally. I was "healthy" for awhile, but I started exercising more again and eating a little less, and without even really trying, my boyfriend is already noticing that I've lost weight. I'm counting calories again, trying to come up with the lowest total I possibly can without anyone noticing and I'm going to college in the fall. No one will watch me there. The worst part is, that even though this makes me want to die, some sick part of me loves it. I love to watch myself wither away...

[Smeagol]

Awh Amanda. I haven't had an ED, but I know they're tough. Have you considered talking to a therapist? But seriously, somebody might notice at college. You'll have friends at college and they'll care. Please take care of yourself and if you want to talk, feel free to PM me.

[screamtobeheard]

Yes, but they don't seem to help me much.
I don't think anyone will notice at college. I'm good at hiding things.
And thank you. (:

[kenoloor]

Yes, but they don't seem to help me much.

Maybe you just haven't found the right one. Finding a suitable therapist is difficult, at least it was for me. There are so many different people, with different philosophies and different personalities and ideas and methods and the list goes on. It might take a little bit before you find someone who you feel comfortable talking to and who is helpful, but I'm positive there is someone out there who can help you...it might just take more looking. It's worth a shot, I think.

[screamtobeheard]

Maybe you just haven't found the right one. Finding a suitable therapist is difficult, at least it was for me. There are so many different people, with different philosophies and different personalities and ideas and methods and the list goes on. It might take a little bit before you find someone who you feel comfortable talking to and who is helpful, but I'm positive there is someone out there who can help you...it might just take more looking. It's worth a shot, I think.

That's true. It's worth trying if I don't have to deal with this anymore.