Falling Fast!!!

[Wiltedrose2394]

Well..... After spending a year getting my medication situated, I finally started getting better. I was really doing ok everything seemed to be fine.

Then, after three months of being on my current medications,, I started becoming a little depressed again. I still avoided SI and I didn't hear voices.

Now that it's six months of being on my current medications, things are getting much worse again. The voice have started; I am SI a LOT and I feel as if I can't stop. I hate myself so much! I am suicidal and my memory is shot to a point that I can't even function! I am always so confused and I repeatedly dissociate! I have missed two weeks of school since the start of the quarter. I'm worry that they're (the truancy officer) gonna come and make me go to school, and Fine my mom up the Wazoo because I'm a failure and can't even function enough to go to school!

But my psychiatrist insists that it's because I sometimes miss my second dose of Wellburtin. She keeps saying " We will keep you on the same doses and see how it works out."

I can't keep on like this! It's been like this for a month now, and I can't even do any of my schoolwork at home. I've been holding on by a thread, waiting until I can see my counselors, before I do anything rash. I even sunk so low in my depression that I drank liquor on Saturday night just to knock myself out so I wouldn't SI anymore.

I am falling so fast into my depression.

(I guess the whole point of this rant was to see how if you had any advice)

(p.s.- my doctor won't see me before my appointment on May 10th)

[Rawiyah]

I'm awfully sorry that you're feeling so horrible right now!

I can definitely relate to the feeling. Do you see a therapist right now? If not, it might be helpful to start seeking therapy. Another thing that I've heard is that sometimes voices can start coming into people's heads when they are under a lot of stress, or not getting enough sleep.

There are also a lot of helplines out there if all you want to do is just talk to get your emotions off your chest until you are able to see your counselors and your GP. (If you'd like, you can also PM me. I'm a pretty good listener!) Dissociation is awful to deal with during school hours. You could perhaps talk to your school counselor about getting an IEP, that way teachers can accommodate you, so in case you dissociate during class, they can offer extensions on big projects, help you one-on-one during class, or allow you to test in private testing rooms or environments free from anxiety-provoking things. (Like a lot of people, or a teacher glaring down at you.)

Hope that helps a little bit! Keep fighting!

[Wiltedrose2394]

Thanks. I'm already on an IEP. I'm also in therapy and am seeing my counselor tomorrow. It's just so hard to function when I'm like this. I literally have to make lists for EVERYTHING!!! I mean everything too; as soon as I get up, I have to make a list of things to do. Even simple things, like showering, eating, etc. No joke, this is crazy hard!!! But I appreciate your help :)