More than just a best friend...

[Wheatley]

Hey,

The title may be a little misleading but i could think of no better way to sum it up.

Anyway, can somebody explain to me how forming a relationship with your best friend and ruin the friendship? I have often wondered about this, and have little experience in the matter. For me at least anyway, if my best friend told me that he fancied me but I didn't fancy him back and wouldn't wanna be in a proper relationship I would just reject him and carry on being friends, sure i may think of him slightly differently but I wouldnt wanna cut myself off from him and Id still be his best friend.

In Yr 8, this happened to me (the other way around) I fancied my best friend, when I told him he freaked out and didnt want anything to do with me. Now in Yr11 we talk but theres nothing much to say because a 3 year gap has come between us and we no longer share much in common. After i told him in Yr 8, i tried to resume our normal "best friend" relation and spoke to him like nothing happened, but he became disgusted even looking at me. I know he isn't a very good example because he is a shallow "enter bad name" person.

Now recently one of my other friends has started talking to me about asking his crush out, and we had this discussion and he shared my viewpoint. But he is worried that his crush will want to end their friendship over it. I didnt know what to say for the best apart from to tell him how I would feel if I was put in a similar situation, which seemed to put him at ease and calm him down, but i dont know if that was the right thing to say.

Being interested in Psychology, I want to know all different viewpoints whether i agree with them or not, but since I cant compare with myself I thought asking here would shed some light on it.

P.S. The time has come again where I fancy another good friend of mine, he is a much deeper person than 'best friend 1' but I dont really want to ask him his views or he may get suspicious that I'm "testing the water" with him. Any Ideas?

Thanks for reading, and well done if you didnt click "Back" or didnt fall asleep :)

[kenoloor]

I think that, should you choose to talk to said friend about your feelings, you should explicitly clarify that you don't want your friendship to suffer. If he does not reciprocate those feelings, dealing with it in a mature manner (on both ends) is very much possible.

[Wheatley]

Thanks, though inquiring about what I should do was not my main focus. I just wanted to know how this sort of thing can end a friendship, more of a curiosity than anything else. I just wanted to understand somebody else's viewpoint of how ending a friendship because of this is right...

[kenoloor]

Thanks, though inquiring about what I should do was not my main focus. I just wanted to know how this sort of thing can end a friendship, more of a curiosity than anything else. I just wanted to understand somebody else's viewpoint of how ending a friendship because of this is right...

I guess people, once they learn about certain emotions, view their friends differently, sometimes negatively. I don't think it makes any sense at all, but some people are like that. I think many people would consider that to be an immature attitude to have though.

[Smeagol]

I always end up fancying my friends... :/ they never seem to reciprocate the feelings I have for them, but I haven't had any issues with staying friends I just tell them and say that even if you don't like me back it's fine we can still be friends.

[Aves]

I've lost one of my great friends because I told her how I felt about her. I don't understand why that would lead to it, but it happens I guess. The next move is yours though, either confront them or move on. Personally, I chose to move on because she ended up not being worth my time.

[Wheatley]

Yeah I know how badly that feels, I haven't completely moved on from him yet. I was ready to, but then he started being friendly for a bit at the start of Yr11 and is now reverting back to his annoying old self. If I knew how to make a poll on here I would about this question as it seems most people I've asked about the issue would say they would continue their friendship and not feel awkward. I guess, everybody wants to believe they could ignore it and continue the friendship, but not everyone is capable of that unfortunately.

[brianabyington]

I have been best friends with my boyfriend since we where in 5 grade together. We where always together. Are relationship just got better. So sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.

[Abyssal Echo]

being friends is a relationship so don't know how being in a relationship can hurt the friendship. but do know from experience having sex with your best friend can kill a friendship.

[FreeFall]

The feelings between friends =/= the feelings of strong emotions/romantic feelings.

It ruins the friendship for me because I take pity on them. I know they like me, but they'll never have me. So what's the point in me sticking around leaving them hoping that one day I'll reciprocate their feelings? It just changes it all. I go from hearing their playful banter as flirting. I go from those "christian side hugs" to, he's totally smelling my hair right now. I go from those video game battles to him waiting for a "heat of the moment"...moment thingy. Because he's made me aware there's a romantic connection for him, it's tainted everything and altered my view point of what would've been a normal friend thing. That and I respect my boyfriend. I'd be livid if I found out he was buddy buddy with someone pining for him, so I hold myself in those same standards. But either way, knowing their feelings changes too much for me.

That's just me though.

[ImCoolBeans]

Please don't bump old threads :locked: