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Anonymous X
April 15th, 2012, 01:12 AM
Hello there, I'm a bit new here and I would like some advice on a certain matter. Before making a decision on the question being asked, read my story and see if it would be the right decision. I'll ask the question now while giving you a few details. I was sexually abused by my father as a child and I have finally accepted it, should I tell my mom? If so, how?
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Okay, as a child I used to stay at my dad's for a 3 days a week (parents never married and they never really liked each other). My dad was/is a drug addict and during the times I stayed by his house he would make me take a shower with him and while he was high he would touch me inappropriately and make jokes about it. I never thought anything of it, I just assumed that was how everyone's father/son relationship was. My mom and grandma would occasionally ask me if anyone had tried to touch me down there and I would always say no. For years, I showed the "signs" of being sexually abused as a child (I still do). Eventually, my mom made me stop going to my dad's house because of his drug problem.I hardly ever see him anymore and when I do it's a very awkward situation. For years I've tried to forget that what he did to me ever happened. I tried convincing myself it didn't, and when I start to think too much about it I stop myself before I go too far. I was doing fine until a few weeks ago until one of my best friends told me that she had been sexually abused as a child, too. She told me because she said she "knew" that the same thing happened to me too. She's the only person I've "told," and I didnt even tell her, she figured it out on her own.That's when all of my memories started coming back. My fuzzy memories of my childhood finally became clear and I started having nightmares again. To this day, I still try and tell myself it didn't happen or I just made it up. I try not to think about this too much because I'm scared I'll go crazy and start cutting again. (I still don't know the real reason for my cutting.) Anyways, I'm just starting to remember what happened to me as a child and I was wondering if I should tell my mom. What if I'm wrong and this never happened? What if I tell her and she takes him to court or something (she already hate him)? Hasn't he already been punished enough (he's been to jail for drugs multiple times)? If I tell, then I'll be looked at as a helpless victim and a charity case. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, but then again, this could all just be made up. This entire thing could have just been dreamt or something. But in reality, I don't know what to do. I need some advice. (I already see a therapist but I doubt that I'll ever get enough courage to tell him everything, that's why I'm asking you guys.)

Thanks in advance. :D
To the people who respond to my ramblings posted above: I will repay you somehow. (Or maybe the universe will repay you for your kind actions.)


(I left out some details so I wouldn't have to relive the memories so sorry about lack of detail I guess.)

Oh yeah, and sorry about the wall of text. :)

And for those wondering, I'm a 16 year old guy.

Mortal Coil
April 15th, 2012, 02:57 AM
Look.
I think you're in denial about this because of the possible repercussions if you do tell someone, and I understand completely (I've had more than my fair share of sexual abuse too and haven't told anyone in real life for the same reasons.)
I think it all depends on your relationship with your mother. Despite not knowing you, I'm fairly sure that you did not dream all this up, so that's not a big issue imo. If you think your mother can do something to help you get over it and will not make things worse by rehashing everything, then go for it.
If, however, your mother will turn you into "a charity case" then I'd think again about it.

Remember you can contact me if you need anything :hug:

Mirage
April 15th, 2012, 10:31 AM
Let me begin by saying I do not seek any form of repayment, I just want to help.

I am so sorry this had to happen, it must have been very awkward for you. You definitely did not make this up if multiple people saw the "signs" of sexual abuse. I think you should probably tell someone or maybe talk to a professional, and they can help.

Feel free to VM me :hug: :D

Smeagol
April 15th, 2012, 11:20 AM
I'm really sorry for you and you ought to talk to a professional such as a school guidance counsellor or a therapist. Also, depending on your relationship with your mother, she can also help you. I am not looking for repayment, we're all here for each other!

ryanrye14
April 16th, 2012, 11:57 PM
just forget the past and move forward dude!!

vaibhavin
April 17th, 2012, 05:29 AM
I would like to advice u to-
1) i know that some memorys can't be completely forget but try to convert ur mind on other things.
2) expand ur friend network, ur hobbys ect.
3) try to mediate.
4) what happened we can't change it. Think about future! There is whole life in front of you! Now u have to decide how to live it, with happiness, enthusiasm, with up-comming opportunity or with bad memorys from past! Hope ur understanding! If u want to talk with me add me on skype "vaibhavjath"! Bay!Good luck for life.

Mortal Coil
April 17th, 2012, 06:40 AM
just forget the past and move forward dude!!It's not that simple. I bet we all wish it were, but the memories come back to haunt us and are intrusive.

I still stand by what I said in my other post.

viper
April 18th, 2012, 06:03 PM
talk to someone you trust like a teacher, priest, the other person that was also abused etc. the person that you should not tell is your friends. talk to an adult or someone who has went through the same things as you. good luck :)

Shortie
April 22nd, 2012, 09:55 AM
Well first I want to say that no child should ever be left in the company of a drug addict. That was wrong.

You didn't ask for this to happen, you had no control over it. Is there a Lifeline or Kids Help Line that you can call? These people are really good at giving free advise. You don't have to give them your details either.

KarkatLuv
April 24th, 2012, 06:54 AM
You do need to tell someone that this happened to get it off your chest, or it will eat you up inside for your whole life. No matter what happens, remember you always have us to talk too.