Jelly379
April 14th, 2012, 10:10 PM
I am on some stupid suicide contract with my therapist saying that i wont try to kill myself or harm myself until monday (thats when i see her next) and if i feel like hurting myself i have people on the list i am supposed to contact so i dont hurt myself... well... today i was home alone and i cut myself.. pretty badly.. grr.. i wouldnt say it was a suicide attempt but i didnt care about how deep/the outcome of me cutting... how am i supposed to tell her this... she wont trust me anymore and she is already trying to get me to go to the hospital again and i dont want to go there again.. ugh.. i am so pissed right now.. i KNOW i cant lie to her and she knows me well and could tell if i am keeping something back.. also i have a terrible guilt face so if she asks i cant deny without making it obvious im lying.. im so scared.. i dont want to be in the hospital again.. and i dont want my mom involved again because last time i was like this all my mom did was cry and that made me feel worse for making her feel bad.. but i have a feeling my therapist will HAVE to tell my mom.. even thought i dont think my mom needs to know.. im 17 so that is why my mother hasnt been told yet, but if i was under 16 my therapist would have definitly told my mom about how bad im doing by now..
well i guess this is kinda long.. hope it makes sense.
what would you do?????
im freaking out here!
well i guess this is kinda long.. hope it makes sense.
what would you do?????
im freaking out here!