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Wiltedrose2394
April 14th, 2012, 02:01 PM
I don't know if you would call my relationship with him "abusive".

When I was 13, my mother met this really great guy. He was everything to her that my father had not been. It was all going great and dandy; and then I met his son.

His son, whom we will just address as "Bob", was ok at first. He was this tall, gangly oversized 15 year old boy. And, just like many teen boys, he was super obnoxious and loud, but still seemed funny and decent to me.

It started out as an innocent question: he asked "hey do you have the movie roadhouse?"
"no. Why?" I said
"there's some great sex and nudie scenes in that movie. I want to show them to you."
Ummmmmm...... That struck me as odd but I just brushed it off. From there it progressed; I'm heavy, and he would tease me for that. Then he would turn around and say something like "let's see how much of that (usually a pencil or Popsicle or banana, etc) you can swallow at once. I treated it all like fun and games; but he was dead serious. From there he started touching me and saying dirty things to me. From there he had me perform oral sex, handjobs, etc.
Then one day we were outside playing in the snow. It was the middle of winter and it was already dark out. Then he asked the big question: "Do you want to do it?"
After some reluctance, I agreed. I was so curious; I had seen porn, but I had never even had my first real kiss.
So he lead me down to the treelike and had me lie in the snow with my pants down. (as you can imagine it was super freezing).
We did it.
For three years it persisted. Often time I would feel guilty and say that I wasn't in the mood, to which his response was to come over and start touching me and groping me anyway. So after him literally begging me for 20 minutes, I was just like "fine do it! When you are done, you have stop groping me. I would just let him.
At this point in time we had all moved into a small house. This happened at least once or twic a week, and when it was done he would spend the rest of the night calling me a whore, slut, etc.
He would sometimes get his hollies from making
E do these things while our parents were in the other room. Or when we were in public. As time wen on, he got nastier and nastier, occasionally resorting to physical force or mild violence. Once he grabbed me by the hair when I was on the way to the toilet and made me pee where I stood (which happened to be over the cat litter box). He pushed me off my bed when we were done once.

Then I went to the psych ward. After three years of that relationship, I came out and said something. Then it stopped. I very rarely tell people that hw ever used force. I'm not sure if it was exactly "rape" because of the situation we were in.
Any thoughts on this? Was this abuse or something else?

Liam-NX
April 14th, 2012, 02:54 PM
Wow. After reading that it seems quite obvious that he was simply using you for his own selfish needs and then bullying you the rest of the time. In essence he saw you more as a toy than an actual person

I'm not sure if it was exactly "rape" because of the situation we were in.

I wouldn't say it was rape either as you seemed to always give your consent. For instance:

Often I would feel guilty and say that I wasn't in the mood, to which his response was to come over and start touching me and groping me anyway. So after him literally begging me for 20 minutes, I was just like "fine do it! When you are done, you have stop groping me. I would just let him.

You mentioned that he would beg you until you let him as opposed to him pinning you down and having sex with you without your permission so in that instance it wouldn't be classed as rape. There could have been other instances where he forced the issue and that could be classed as rape.

Though some of the things he has done could definitely be classed as abuse and I am surprised that you let it go on for 3 years before coming out and saying something about it. If I was in your shoes I would have told my mom that something fishy was going on the moment he said:

"there's some great sex and nudie scenes in that movie. I want to show them to you."

As that is damn right creepy.

Even though this isn't happening any more I still think you should tell someone else about it (like your mom/other relatives/friends, etc.) as this kind of thing shouldn't go unnoticed.

viper
April 18th, 2012, 06:16 PM
If you get along with your dad tell him tell your dad for sure. tell your mom too he could be facecing crimanal charges. if you dont want to tell your parents ask for advice form someone you trust. teacher, priest, relatives, neighbor.

Aubrie
April 18th, 2012, 07:34 PM
It depends what your local statutes say. I know in some areas it would be rape and in others it would be more on the sexual assault side. In some places, those terms are synonymous. Typically, sexual assault is any unwanted sexual advances (from inappropriate comments to even forced intercourse), whereas rape is typically viewed as strictly forced intercourse/someone who is over the age of consent having sex with someone who is not (or under a particular age).

If he ever threatened you, and I believe you said he used physical violence, I would view that as coercion.

I'm sorry that all of this happened to you. Don't get caught up on whether it was rape or not, but if you want to seek prosecution, contact someone - lawyers, battered women's shelters, victim advocates, law enforcement, etc. What matters now is the healing process. My best wishes to you :)

Mirage
April 18th, 2012, 07:36 PM
This isn't technically rape, as you consented to it.

However, this still could stay with you forever. If you are strong enough to tell us, then you need to be strong enough to tell someone who has influence on your family. Talk to a school counselor, or a teacher, or even your mom.

You need to reach out for help, good luck!

Amaryllis
April 21st, 2012, 11:20 AM
Definitely abuse, love. He was pressuring you and he was extremely cruel in the things he said and did. We're very proud of you for speaking up about it. Have your parents done anything? He should be moved away from you.

If he ever tries to force you into sex again, just stand firm and tell him no. If he uses force, go to the police immediately after. I don't know how to get help, love. I never did. But what he did to you isn't right. You consented, sure, but you don't want it. He crossed the line. Even if it isn't physical abuse, it's verbal.

It doesn't really matter what it is. What matters is how it's affected and is affecting you. It's never too late to turn things around for yourself. I hope he never touches you again, Marissa. And I hope you'll be alright. Take care.

MemoriesLost
April 29th, 2012, 12:36 PM
Dear lord, I hope you are okay. I wouldn't exactly call this rape, but it is definitely abuse. I think you should tell someone about it ((Your stepfather, maybe?)) and get help for yourself. This dude has some serious problems, it seems. Don't let him do anything to you until this is all sorted out.

Ranger
April 29th, 2012, 11:54 PM
I am so sorry to hear what happened and I'm going to do my best to help you out. I have done some research as your portfolio shows you are from Wisconsin I have looked up several laws to better help you out. In the United States an Adult is defined as someone who is 18 years or older. There are laws in each state that govern something called the Age of Consent. In the "eyes" of the law this is the age where you are able to give legal consent to do things such as sex. In Wisconsin the age of consent is 18 years old. Which means what he did was statutory rape (has not reached the age of consent), in the eyes of the law.



For three years it persisted. Often time I would feel guilty and say that I wasn't in the mood, to which his response was to come over and start touching me and groping me anyway. So after him literally begging me for 20 minutes, I was just like "fine do it! When you are done, you have stop groping me. I would just let him.


This is NOT consent he is more or less forcing you to say yes to get what he wants. As you clearly did not want to do it. This is also sexual assault as he started touching you inappropriately without your consent. You shouldn't let yourself or let you think that it is OK for others to touch you in this way as it's not. At least not without your say so and it's because YOU want it not because they want it.


At this point in time we had all moved into a small house. This happened at least once or twic a week, and when it was done he would spend the rest of the night calling me a whore, slut, etc.
He would sometimes get his hollies from making
E do these things while our parents were in the other room. Or when we were in public. As time wen on, he got nastier and nastier, occasionally resorting to physical force or mild violence. Once he grabbed me by the hair when I was on the way to the toilet and made me pee where I stood (which happened to be over the cat litter box). He pushed me off my bed when we were done once.


This is abuse and it's not cool to make you do that in any shape or form. And from what you posted earlier he kinda forced/encouraged you into most or all of it.


I'm not sure if it was exactly "rape" because of the situation we were in.


In the end it was rape and you should report it as behavior like that should never be allowed in any shape or form. You should go talk to someone who is able to help you out. I'm very sorry and it really breaks my heart that it happened to you it's best to report this now to prevent this from happening in the future. Just because he did it once to you won't mean that he won't do it to others.



* Disclaimer I am not a lawyer.*
Sources of Information:
http://www.ageofconsent.us/
http://moraloutrage.net/state-laws/wisconsin-age-of-consent-laws/ (Section 5)

imless
July 24th, 2012, 03:20 PM
At first it a rape but the following events are not since you consent/let him to do that, I guess it's your own mistake, you did not confess the truth to your dad and keep hiding and keep on agreeing the guy's will unto you.

WearAngels
July 25th, 2012, 01:16 PM
If i am in your shoes, at the very beginning i should have told my mom about the nasty things he did. Disrespectful has been done in you and was also abused by him.