Gone out of hand.

[Princess Ariel]

I've been bulimic for 9 years or so now. This past week, it's gone out of hand. I can't keep any food down, I hate the feeling of food in my stomach. It's nauseating. It doesn't help that I have to read a book that includes eating disorders too.
I can't stop, it's almost an immediate reaction. Any chance I get, at school, at home, at the mall. My teeth are yellow, and it disgusts me, this is why i try to talk with my mouth as closed as possible. Not a lot of my friends know about this, I think only one or two do, but the one of them doesn't even care. She doesn't tell me to stop, she doesn't even give me a hug, virtual or not.
I just don't know.
How can I stop this? Can I? or is it too late?

[ApresMidi]

Welll, heres a virtual hug from me.

1st) do people know?
I know it sounds absoluely insane if you havent done this but maybe see someone?
I'm sorry , I dont have personal experience with this ,but i do cut and i cant speak about it, but my closest friend - shes like a soulmate - suffered from anorexia with bulimic tendencies, and she had to see someone.
She DID get admitted , on a day basis ,but I dont know how she, or you if i'm honest, would have recovered without it.

2nd ) the book. Thats hard. In drama, we had to do about someone with self injury problems and its extremely triggeriing , isnt it? I just had to think about all the differences between me and the character, how they are not like me. I dont know if people know about your ED so reply and i'll help more specificly . At the end of term , I just approached my dramma teacher and said " some of the material in [the play] bothered me a bit..I feel personal connections to it, and I found it difficult to have to read"
That was okay I think , she was a bit taken aback, but said it was okay, and was never mentioned it again , not even like, funny looks . I made it sound as though it were a family member ;)


You are NOT too late. Its never too late to save someone.

But sometimes you have to bite the bullet . I dont know if ,[brutally honest here sorry] if you can do that without professional help.
But hey, tell me to piss off if you want.
I'm still cutting.
So yeah.
Good luck.
You seem like a very very strong person, you can do this. You just cant see it sometimes. xx

[Princess Ariel]

Thanks for this.
Only one person in my life knows about my ED, but she's going through her own shit, and I don't want to bother her with mine since I care for her well-being more then I do mine..
The other one, just doesn't know what to do.

I guess that's a good idea, I have english on monday so I guess during that class I can tell him.

[DejaVu]

Well why exactly do you do it? Are you overweight, or did you start off when you were overweight and although you've lost weight, you're "addicted" to it?

[Princess Ariel]

I started when I was around 130 pounds. I'm now at 115. I still do it now because I still deserve it, and I'm still fat.

[Erasmus]

I started when I was around 130 pounds. I'm now at 115. I still do it now because I still deserve it, and I'm still fat.

You don`t deserve it and you`re not fat! You`re an amazing person Casey, and everyone knows that, except you! You have to realize that and start to treat yourself better!