Forced to Stop

[Alexithymia]

Shit. So selfish for posting here. Oh well.

Therapist made me stop cutting. I'm not ready for that yet. I can't. Should I lie to them? They're threatening me with the hospital. But I can't go back there. I just can't. I have to lie to them. I can't stop cutting. I can't stop it. Not now. Maybe later, but not now.

What do I do?

[Carly011]

Maybe find another therapist? both my therapist and psychiatrist don't like me cutting, but they are not telling me to stop. They said we are going to work our way up to that. They made me throw away 2 of my 4 blades and try to use techniques before i resort to cutting.

[CaLl13BuG]

this is going to be REALLY hypocritical of me, but your therapist is right. You need to stop. Hell, I need to stop.

But... If you really want my advice... Although I wish you wouldn't take it... I would say cut somewhere nobody would notice... That's what I've done since I got out of the hospital....

But please stop. Why do you not want to go back to the hospital, exactly?

[Truth]

You can stop. You need to stop. It's your only choice if you truly want to be healthy.

Want your entire effort at the therapist to become a waste? Keep cutting, and don't get better... though, that's not going to help you in the future.

[Alexithymia]

I can't stop. I'm not strong enough to stop yet. I need to work with other things first. But I can't stop cutting. I need to focus on other things. But cutting has to come last. I found an alternative, but it's just taking a pill. One pill for every urge. Hell, I'd be half the time I'm awake. I need to get better, but I'm not. I need to stop cutting, but I can't. How do I express to them that I can't?

I don't want to go back to the hospital because I don't -need- to. It's a place where I'm going to stop myself from killing myself, not a place to stop cutting. It wouldn't work. I have another blade that I lied about. I don't care what they do.

I won't stop.

[Truth]

I can't stop. I'm not strong enough to stop yet. I need to work with other things first. But I can't stop cutting. I need to focus on other things. But cutting has to come last. I found an alternative, but it's just taking a pill. One pill for every urge. Hell, I'd be half the time I'm awake. I need to get better, but I'm not. I need to stop cutting, but I can't. How do I express to them that I can't?

I don't want to go back to the hospital because I don't -need- to. It's a place where I'm going to stop myself from killing myself, not a place to stop cutting. It wouldn't work. I have another blade that I lied about. I don't care what they do.

I won't stop. Every time you cut, you get weaker. The longer the wait, the less chance you have of stopping.

I can tell you a method that I used to stop cutting almost instantly, and no it had nothing to do with pills. Send me a message.

[CaLl13BuG]

People that have never experienced an addiction before (and that's exactly what cutting is--an addiction) dont know what it's like for people that have. And they think of them as sick twisted fetishes. Especially cutting. "Why do they hurt themselves? How can they do it? It's so wrong! I could never hurt myself!"

So, unfortunately, there's no way to *really* get them to understand. Sorry. But you could try talking to them. Telling them that you're not ready to stop just yet. And, if all else fails, try your pill thing-- just, please, don't overdose.

Send me a message if you need someone to talk to, k?

[Noxail]

I can't stop. I'm not strong enough to stop yet. I need to work with other things first. But I can't stop cutting. I need to focus on other things. But cutting has to come last. I found an alternative, but it's just taking a pill. One pill for every urge. Hell, I'd be half the time I'm awake. I need to get better, but I'm not. I need to stop cutting, but I can't. How do I express to them that I can't?

I don't want to go back to the hospital because I don't -need- to. It's a place where I'm going to stop myself from killing myself, not a place to stop cutting. It wouldn't work. I have another blade that I lied about. I don't care what they do.

I won't stop.

It's okay to take your time with things. Move it slow. No one has the right to force their will on you. It's your pace. Your choice. You need to quit when your ready, not when they think your ready.

[Alexithymia]

I suppose you're right. I just had to sign a contract stating that I would surrender my razors, stop SHing, and if I got more razors or SHed, then I would be placed in a hospital. And at this point, I really don't give a fuck. Throw me in a hospital, I don't care. Then when I'm taken out, I'll just start again. Their threats mean nothing to me.

-Nothing-.

[StoppingTime]

I know that right now you don't care what they do with you. However, they are trying to help, but they aren't doing a very good job of it.

Quitting cold turkey really is never a good option in this case. It rarely works, and then if you fail, you feel completely hopeless because of how far you've gone, only to end up back at day zero again.

I would try to get your therapist's opinion on this, just to see what they say, if you'd like.

[Alexithymia]

Thanks guys~ I'll try to talk to my therapist.