Very confused...

[jhsjsams719]

Ok, so I'm a very confused stage right now... (I'm a guy, 18 years old, college student)
I've totally lost the personal identity of orientation. Some days I think I'm straight, some days I think I'm gay, and some days I think I'm bi.
Right when I thought it was about to clarify, it started to get confusing again.

Some facts about me:
- I have a preferences with being in a relationship with girls.
- I do not want to engage in a relationship with guys.
- I'm bi-curious. I like to physically engage with guys more than girls.
- I'm really deep with friendships, guy or girl.
- I still am waiting for the right ideal girl.

So I've been friends with this bisexual guy for a few months, and we got really close to each other in such a short amount of time.
At first, we were just fast friends, but then he started to actually like me in a way he wanted a relationship. I am not up for relationships with guys. So I wanted him to back off, and I didn't treat him in the best ways. For weeks, we haven't talked at all.

And I was really sorry for that. I didn't really intend to hurt him much. I was just scared and didn't know what to do, so that just happened, and I regret doing that. Fortunately, he forgave me that, and I'm very grateful for him.

After those weeks, I started to talk to him again, because I thought I was really mean to him and I felt sorry. After all, he was a good friend to me. So we started to become good friends again, but this time towards best friends.
I started to sleep over his dorm many, many times.
And every time we sleep, we always hugged each other, lie on one another, held hands, and he kisses my head sometimes. And I actually liked it. I get erections every time we do sleep with each other.

Every preceding day, we became better and better friends. We text each other all the time. We say things like "I miss you." "It felt nice to sleep on you." even though we see each other practically everyday.

In a way, I feel like I'm really gay. But there is still this straight side of me that blocks the gay side that tries to take over. Maybe I'm still bi-curious, or just bisexual itself. But nothing clarifies.

What do you guys think I'm leaning towards to? Help.

[Stryker125]

I'm kind of in the same boat as you, except I don't really have any friends I've done those kinds of things with

[Stronger]

I think you could be bi/bi-curious. For one, that was pretty horrible way to treat your friend, that coul have made him self-consious, etc. But anyway, back to the subject, you seem to enjoy hugging/holding his hand, snuggling him and that leads me to believe you are bi. But that is my opinion on your situation, only you yourself can figure out what you truely are and if you don't feel ready to figure it out, then so be it. No one is forcing you to be bi, that's up to you.

[PerpetualMotionSquad]

Your facts are almost the same as mine so I sorta know how you feel. Tbh just because you enjoy your time sexually could just mean your curious (when you're my age). Since you are 18 and in college and coming to the end of puberty I am going to say that you're bisexual. I am not entirely sure but that is what it sounds like to me. Hope I helped :)

[Desuetude]

It could just be this one boy that you feel this attraction to, or maybe it's the fact that you develop deep friendships with people this could be moving into relationships as well. The more you get to know him the stronger the attraction and relationship grows.
Don't label yourself, sure it's nice to know who you are but your sexuality doesn't mean everything and it doesn't have to influence anything to do with your life. Like whoever you want be that a boy or a girl it doesn't matter. However you do sound Bi-Curious in most cases maybe verging on Bi with this one guy. It could just be the person like I said though, don't go making a generalisation because it might not be true for everyone.

[Sebastian Michaelis]

As also said by others above, I often feel the same as well. I also agree with Connor. I believe, based on your information, that you are bisexual with largely different preferences for romance and sex. But it sounds like you'd almost be willing to accept the romance and relationship part for men, and it sounds like you are slowly falling in love. You just need to take a leap of faith with your friend, and not care what others would think. Forget your fears of what you might find out about yourself, and just do it. It sounds like your inner desire is to know what it would be like.

[ExhibitG]

i have a similar problem about being sexually attracted to guys but not emotionally attracted. i think you're probably just a variation of bisexual. no big deal.