Maybe its time to admit i have a problem

[Destructive Impulse]

Ive been cutting my hands and arms for a long while now, never my wrists as i feel having anything on your wrists is disrespectful to the holocaust victims. Anyway i was cutting myself when i began to wonder why i do this. I think its the adreniline rush as its like the only time i feel something. I also kinda feel i deserve getting hurt after all the shit i put my family through. I dont know i dont wanna quit but i know i need to. Its also kinda embarrasing cause the only people i know that cut are girls so i feel like it isnt manly or something. Maybe im bein a paranoid little bitch or something but i feel like people see me as a sad pathetic waste of life even though i try to put on a false face. God i fucking hate my school :/

[Desuetude]

It's great that you've come to realise that you need help, that's always the first step. Lots of people self harm for different reasons, you don't deserve it though, no matter what happens with others you don't deserve to get hurt because of it. I know it may feel like you need it, that you don't want to stop but you should and you should try to find someone to talk to about it. Is there anyone you trust even a little bit to help you with this? Just to tell them how you're feeling so they can support you.
Statistics show that approximatley half as many boys self harm than girls but It's not about being manly, I wouldn't look at it in that way at all. You're not a waste of life, I bet you that people don't think that about you, you have your reasons to be here, things you want to see and experience. School will be over, it's only one little part of your life but once you get out you can do/be anything.
Telling someone how you feel could honestly be the best thing, just knowing someone is there for you and that you can talk to them whenever. Writing is down every day, get it out onto paper so the weight gets lifted off your sholders could also help. Try finding things to distract you from it because cutting is only a short term solution, it wont help you as a long term at all. It's likely that it could make things a lot more difficult.

[StoppingTime]

You aren't a cutter, first off. You are someone who self harms and admits to the problem, which is very good. If you say you're a cutter, then it becomes a part of you, which is something you do not want.


No matter how cliche it sounds, admitting there is a problem truly is the first step in recovery. There s absolutely no reason you could ever give me that would say that you need or deserve to self harm. Even though you may feel like you've done more worse than good in your life, I doubt that's true.
Now, is there anyone (a trusted friend, counselor, adult, etc...) you could talk to about how you are feeling? If so, then just tell them how you've been lately, and what you are feeling.
Also, don't think you aren't manly because you self harm. It doesn't mean that at all. The same goes for "Real men don't cry," it's a bunch of garbage. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you aren't manly because you've gone through some tough parts in your life, and you needed a way to deal with it.

You aren't a waste of space or waste of life. Don't think badly on yourself because of things that happened in the past (regardless of whether you think you caused them or not). If you are really serious about stopping, I think you'll find you will find more purpose in your life.

I hope I helped, and remember, we are always here for you. :)

[Fractured Silhouette]

If you'd like a scientific explanation for why you cut, try using the ultimate source of knowledge, the internet. But to save you some time I'll try to explain things from my understanding of it. When you cut it releases a hormone (it's called something) which numbs pain, both emotional and physical (which is probably why you don't feel anything when you cut) and produces the 'high' feeling. After a while the body starts to recognize this as a suitable coping mechanism for dealing with emotional pain. Therefore it becomes an addiction. I didn't know anyone that cut before I started doing it, so I didn't think it was un-manly or anything at first. Until I found out from the internet that girls do it more. It's OK to feel like it isn't manly, if it helps do more manly things to alleviate the feeling. I go for a run or play video-games.

Nobody deserves to feel 'hurt' for any reason. If you feel guilty, see if you can apologize for what you feel you have done. I'm sure people don't think your a 'waste of life', for starters it's illogical because there is 7 billion people on this earth and i'm sure a few hundred-million of that (AT-LEAST) think you're worth something. I'm one of them. I feel the same way, I constantly think everyone hates me. I just keep reminding myself that not everyone in the world is a judge-mental idiot.

Other than that, agreed on the telling someone. It helps to share problems. But make sure it's someone you feel you can trust.

Yes, school is sh!t isn't it? But it ends for everyone at some point. Something to look forward to.

[Destructive Impulse]

I cant tell anyone. Not even my parents know. And I have a question. I found my dads old cigarette lighter today in my car and after i burnt myself i began to worry and wonder if it will leave scars. Will it? The lighter was smoking but it wasn't like red or glowing or nothin'

[Desuetude]

I cant tell anyone. Not even my parents know. And I have a question. I found my dads old cigarette lighter today in my car and after i burnt myself i began to worry and wonder if it will leave scars. Will it? The lighter was smoking but it wasn't like red or glowing or nothin'

If you burn yourself then yes it would leave scars depending on how hot it was they would be worse but i'm pretty sure it will.
I know how you feel about not being able to tell anyone, have you not got any friends though, a teacher at school or a school councellor?

[StoppingTime]

I would read through this (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=21146).

I doubt you had a second/third degree burn so it probably won't leave permanent damage, but I wouldn't continue doing that either.

[Destructive Impulse]

Oh thank fuck. I'm glad to know I can finally do something without worrying if itll leave a mark or not. Ya it's minor burns.
And I don't tell my friends anything. Its one of my personal rules to live by (see my sig). I can't talk to a counselor or teacher due to the reasons that caused me to do this shit (my parents are a tad bit abusive. I don't think its that bad but other people really do) so ya asking for help out of the picture.

[StoppingTime]

Oh thank fuck. I'm glad to know I can finally do something without worrying if itll leave a mark or not. Ya it's minor burns.
And I don't tell my friends anything. Its one of my personal rules to live by (see my sig). I can't talk to a counselor or teacher due to the reasons that caused me to do this shit (my parents are a tad bit abusive. I don't think its that bad but other people really do) so ya asking for help out of the picture.

If you aren't willing to get help, then there is a slim chance you will stop self harming, and it will eventually get out of hand.

You can't depend on yourself for everything. We all need help at times, and there will be people in our lives, no matter how unlikely, who answer us.
Just go with a friend you really trust, and tell them how you've been. If they are a true friend, they will help you through it. (warning, cliche incoming...) Thats what friends are for. [/cliche] :)

Also, if your parents have abused you, that isn't anything to take lightly either. Just sit down, and talk with someone. Start out slowly, and work your way to what's really bothering you.

Of course, we are always here, but sometimes, it isn't enough. There are just times when you need to let it all out to someone, and I think that's what you should try to do. It won't necessarily be easy, but I think you'll find it'll be worth it.

Good luck!

[Destructive Impulse]

Well i cant tell anyone cause im worried about CPS and i dont want to betray my parents by risking it

I dont trust anyone nor should i. Like i said the less people know bout me the better

I really cant talk to my parents or about them. And i personally dont think its that bad

[Desuetude]

Well i cant tell anyone cause im worried about CPS and i dont want to betray my parents by risking it

I dont trust anyone nor should i. Like i said the less people know bout me the better

I really cant talk to my parents or about them. And i personally dont think its that bad

It is bad, you can tell because if it wasn't then why would you have started cutting/burning? You may not think it's that bad and that people over react but for so many people to think the same thing there must be some truth in it, no?
If you want to help yourself then you're going to need to find someone. How about starting off a little easier. Try talking to a councellor online or over the phone first, see what they would say about your situation and who could help you.

[StoppingTime]

It is bad, you can tell because if it wasn't then why would you have started cutting/burning? You may not think it's that bad and that people over react but for so many people to think the same thing there must be some truth in it, no?
If you want to help yourself then you're going to need to find someone. How about starting off a little easier. Try talking to a councellor online or over the phone first, see what they would say about your situation and who could help you.

Nikki brings up a point. Even an anonymous hotline would help you, and they would be able to tell you where to go from now. Just tell them how you've been, they don't know you, and they won't judge you, so don't worry about that.

[Destructive Impulse]

Wont they have caller id

[Desuetude]

Wont they have caller id
Could you not type that code infront when calling the number that makes your number withheld? That or you could call from a phone box?

[StoppingTime]

And even if they did, they won't track you down. Child services won't be at your door. They are there to help you. You aren't suicidal, they understand that. They won't judge you. And yes, I suppose *67 (in the US at least) would work too.

[Destructive Impulse]

Actually I am. I've tried 5 times to kill myself. My parents don't know that.

[StoppingTime]

Actually I am. I've tried 5 times to kill myself. My parents don't know that.

Then please talk to someone. Even if it is just an anonymous call. You don't have to tell them that if you don't want to, but then find someone trustworthy in your life that you can, or you have a very slim chance of recovery.