Commitment phobia.

[Abyssinian]

I have it. And it's driving me crazy.
I have always experienced major anxiety over new relationships, and the only time I've managed not to run away has involved spending the first four months curled up in bed severely depressed every other night, trying to push away the doubts.. and even then, after 2.5 years together we broke up due to my depression and pushing him away.. I felt safe again immediately, though I later realised it was the biggest mistake of my life, at the time.

So the deal is, I start thinking there's no way it'll last, there's so much wrong with them, I'm going to hurt them, I might miss out on someone better, etc.. then I generally run a mile.

Having just begun a new relationship with someone I know for a fact is incredible, and I'm lucky to have him, I'm starting to feel this way again and would like to know if anyone on here has the same issues, and any coping mechanisms that work for you.

Any advice is much appreciated..

[ImCoolBeans]

You don't need to head into a relationship expecting it to be a massive commitment, or expecting it to be an extremely long term situation. You can go into it with an open mind and play it by ear, feel it out as you go. Take things slow; rushing in the beginning of a relationship is a good way to make certain things -- like sex, kissing a lot, being overly open, etc... -- lose their meaning and make it seem like more of a long term relationship earlier on. So take a slow approach and don't feel like you need to throw around "I love you" too early, or too often. It's a much stronger expression than it's given credit to be, and when you've only been dating for a short period of time it might not have the same meaning as it would if you were to hold off on it a bit, and it can also make a newer relationship seem like a much bigger commitment than it really needs to be.