He hurt me so much and I now I can't stop. . .

[CherryQ]

My ex bf cut. He had so many scars on his arms and was always so ashamed. While we were together, he told me he wouldn't cut because he knew it would hurt me. He even got rid of his knives after we got together. I loved (well, still do love) him so much, and I tried so hard to be there for him and listen to him and never wanted to see him hurt. But then he became closed off. He stopped sharing things and stopped talking to me. He ignored my sweet letters. He was cold to me. I tried so hard to be nice and supportive, but he wouldn't let me, and his coldness hurt. We broke up because he said he didn't know how to be close to someone and felt like a different person. We had a bit of a fight too. And meanwhile, I know this is really bad, but I started cutting. Even before we broke up. And I'm addicted now, it's like the one thing that makes me feel calm and safe. I don't know what to do anymore. . . I miss him like crazy and even want to just be friends (which I said no to at first), but I'm such a wreck now and I'm scared to try. I lost my best friend over this too. I'm so alone and confused and scared and cut more and more every day.

And sorry I just went on so much about myself right there. I guess I was just looking for someone to talk to about this since I can't talk to anybody I actually know about any of this. Thanks so much if you read it. Though I totally get if nobody does haha. Anyway, thanks again, and lots of love to you guys :)

Nicky

[Unbroken]

Self harm makes you feel closed off from everyone else and can sometimes make you think that everyone against you. He was probably trying to protect you? if you don't mind me asking why did you start cutting in the first place? was it because of your ex?? pm anytime if you need someone to talk too♥

[StoppingTime]

My ex bf cut. He had so many scars on his arms and was always so ashamed. While we were together, he told me he wouldn't cut because he knew it would hurt me. He even got rid of his knives after we got together. I loved (well, still do love) him so much, and I tried so hard to be there for him and listen to him and never wanted to see him hurt. But then he became closed off. He stopped sharing things and stopped talking to me. He ignored my sweet letters. He was cold to me. I tried so hard to be nice and supportive, but he wouldn't let me, and his coldness hurt. We broke up because he said he didn't know how to be close to someone and felt like a different person. We had a bit of a fight too. And meanwhile, I know this is really bad, but I started cutting. Even before we broke up. And I'm addicted now, it's like the one thing that makes me feel calm and safe. I don't know what to do anymore. . . I miss him like crazy and even want to just be friends (which I said no to at first), but I'm such a wreck now and I'm scared to try. I lost my best friend over this too. I'm so alone and confused and scared and cut more and more every day.

And sorry I just went on so much about myself right there. I guess I was just looking for someone to talk to about this since I can't talk to anybody I actually know about any of this. Thanks so much if you read it. Though I totally get if nobody does haha. Anyway, thanks again, and lots of love to you guys :)

Nicky

Self harm gives people a sense of relief. However, it is only temporary, and ends up making you feel worse than when you started.

There are other ways to cope, and I understand how hard it must be.
Whenever you can an urge, just silence it immediately. Shove headphones in your ears, talk with people (about anything), read, come on here, anything you enjoy. You'll find this is a much better way to deal with everything.
Are you and your ex still talking?

[Carly011]

It may give you temporarily relief but after you feel like crap :( is it really worth it? there are better ways to cope then cutting...not that i am one to talk(still cutting)

Hopefully one day you can get the courage to quit cutting. Good luck :)

[Desuetude]

Hey, it's okay you're not alone. Like everyone else has said, self harm may feel like it helps but getting addicted and needing it just makes everything worse and it certainly doesn't keep you safe. Could you try to talk to him, tell him about how you feel and what's happening? It could be great to have someone else to support you especially as he knows how you feel.
There are so many ways to try and put off the urges, music, writing it down, drawing (scribbling), cooking. You just have to find something that works for you and stick with that. You can talk to me anytime you want just VM me or add me on Skype? You don't have to be alone in this and it honestly helps if you have someone else to talk to.