I don't really want to let go

[FullyAlive]

I've been really trying to stop cutting and to be honest I'm doing better than I've done before. Whilst I haven't gone a significant amount of time without cutting I've been managing to put longer in between. I thought I was happier and maybe I am a bit. I have my motivation, certain people and the summer.

But it's not working, all my scars are fading and I can't cope with that. I have such strong urges. I need my scars, I need to be able to see them. I can't keep going, I need to create more, I need to create them permanent and life time lasting that's the only way I'll be able to carry on not cutting. But I guess that's kind of counter productive. I don't know.

I guess maybe I don't want to let go of this part of my life. Not yet.

[Love.Hate]

You do not need those scars, your brain might be telling you that you do to stop yourself from cutting but you don't. As your scars fade think of it as a new you, a stronger louise that can get over this. Find that motivation within you to beat this, because I know you have it. Try to focus on small things your looking forward too that can't be done with scars.. Short sleeve summer? :)

You do not need those scars, you can keep on going without them. I'm really glad you are doing better, you are a strong character. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to get better all at once, it takes time to beat addictions, give yourself that time. The urges will come and go, you just have to stick in the frame of mind of wanting to get better, try and block out those inner thoughts that say you want this.

I believe in you, you know where I am if you need anything :hug: