Smeagol
April 5th, 2012, 06:58 AM
I know, a lot of things. I am going to an amazing boarding school next year, and I have a darling pony who is 35 years old and I am determined to care for. But lately, I just... lose the will to do anything. Everything is grey. Mum pointed out all the pretty colors of the sunrise this morning, and I just didn't see it. Sure, people think it is pretty. But I couldn't see it. It was... bleh. That's how everything is nowadays. I am going to see a psychiatrist. The thing is though, I want help so badly, and its days away, probably. There isn't even an appointment. I just want to let mum know that I can't go back to school in this state. Anything makes me cry and scream. I can't do it. I'm like, about to explode all the time. If people are bitching at me for being queer, on a good day I'll ignore them. On a bad day... I might... I don't know, maybe I'd lose it. Maybe I'd throw up. Maybe I'd beat somebody up. I don't know. I don't like this violent person living inside of me. I am not a bad, violent person, it's just my surroundings, I suppose. I just don't want to go. But here's mom, saying to get into the car.