Umm... What's wrong with me?

[FojeJC]

Whenever I look at someone, I get pictures or films how to kill (viciously) them with the surrounding objects, sometimes with bare hands even. I've always had this since I can remember. I do have dark thoughts in general but these are the ones that give the most impact on my daily life.
It was beneficial sometimes for self defence i guess but sometimes it gets out of hand like when I'm mad and get provoked by someone else, I get the film and I start to do exactly what I saw, I once dislocated the person's arm and was about to break their neck with my foot.

I used to get thoughts telling me that I was an idiot for not killing them, saying that they deserved it and that I was a coward for not doing it. I've blocked these out or they just went away, I used to think my sub conscious was evil or I wasn't human.

And you know what's the worst thing about it, i enjoyed hurting them, i enjoyed that they couldn't do anything to stop me, it felt as if I just took some sort of ecstasy pill or a adrenaline rush. But I didn't want hurt them... I didn't need to hurt them...
Another example of this is this morning when I was getting ready for school and saw my mom picking up a plastic bottle, I straight a way had a little film clip of me shoving it down her throat. Is this some kind of disorder or something? Am I a gonna be serial killer or do I have a mental illness? Am i just evil? Please help...

[DarkNick]

Have you tried to go at a psychologist to discuss about it?
Are you a person who gets anxious easily?

[FojeJC]

No because my mom thinks I'm a hypochondriac but I might go myself one day.
And no, I defiantly don't get easily anxious.

[DarkNick]

Hmmm...
I think it's illegal to go at a psychologist alone if you're not 18,at least in my country (not very encouraging I know)
You have to explain to your mother that teenagers may have similar to yours problems and that she doesn't have to lose anything if you go to a psychologist...

[FojeJC]

I guess so...
I just wanted to know if anyone had some sort of thing like this or if it's even a disorder or something...,
Thanks though.

[Rayquaza]

You need to see someone. That's wrong, and I don't know if it is just you, but probably there must have been something that has made you become this. Go and see a psychiatrist immediately, with a parent. You're gonna end up doing something one day you'll regret.

[FojeJC]

You need to see someone. That's wrong, and I don't know if it is just you, but probably there must have been something that has made you become this. Go and see a psychiatrist immediately, with a parent. You're gonna end up doing something one day you'll regret.

What do you mean something made me this way?

[Mirage]

I am sorry to say this, but I think it is a problem unique to you.
You should DEFINITELY see someone about this, because one day, you might just actually kill someone.

Good luck!

[FojeJC]

Eh... well, can't blame for trying.

[DerBear]

I don't know.

I suggest you speak to someone about this because to be honest this is far from natural and because you have a tendinitis to act on what you see, you could end up in a lot of trouble.

I suggest you speak to someone soon.

[FojeJC]

I don't know.

I suggest you speak to someone about this because to be honest this is far from natural and because you have a tendinitis to act on what you see, you could end up in a lot of trouble.

I suggest you speak to someone soon.

Tendinitis? Do you mean tendency?

[Bluerhino666]

I am sorry to say this, but I think it is a problem unique to you.
You should DEFINITELY see someone about this, because one day, you might just actually kill someone.

Good luck!

i wouldnt say this is a unique "problem" i am very similar to this and alot of the time i picture a way of how i could set them on fire after i beat the living crap out of them

[FojeJC]

i wouldnt say this is a unique "problem" i am very similar to this and alot of the time i picture a way of how i could set them on fire after i beat the living crap out of them

Hmmm... besides the arsonist idea, I guess we're slightly similar, but I don't think you've had these.

I've started having dreams that take some of my visions and... turn them into a massacre. I used to think a vision of me killing one person was bad... this shit is fucked up. Since last week I've started having less of those visions whenever I see someone but now have a lot of those dreams, I hardly can sleep anymore.

The dream usually starts with me walking into a crowd of people and one of them grabbing me and pulling me back, then a dozen grab my legs and my face. After me struggling to move, a man in black clothes carrying a knife stabs me in the neck. Everything goes fuzzy and when it goes back to normal I grab the knife from my throat and start viciously killing people around me, people I know, even my family. After some dozen dead, I... have a smile on my face and then I start laughing... I leave the knife on the floor and... start biting or eating the people around me, I then break necks with my hands and rip out intestines, gouge eyeballs... it just gets worse from there.
In the end I get pulled by the dark man and fall, then I wake up sweating like a pig as if I was actually getting fatigue from killing all of them. I went to a doctor and asked for something to ease my dreaming, and he gave me some pills but I haven't tried them yet.
Please, give me opinions about these dreams.

[Bluerhino666]

ive started having dreams where im on a bus in the middle of the city, waiting untill its full. i then burst into flames ripping off peoples heads around me hitting others with them, taking out their spines and strangling others with them. next i get off the bus go into a church running up and eating the priest shouting"satan is here to rule" then literally ripping everyone to shreds. next my 2 year old brother walks in... i throw a church pew at him. i look towards the sky, shout like a madman then everything i see catches immediate fire. everyone i kill is either my friends or my family. ive heard voices in my head before that tell me to grab scissors or knives, tree limbs and kill people before. its almost happened twice. and i mean they have almost died twice. were both fucked up.

ive tried to stop sleeping before. it works untill i have a migrane and pass out on the couch or in my bed for the rest of the day. then wake up sweating like a pig. then have violent visions the rest of the day. but i think its better than the dream.

[BassSwagg]

ive started having dreams where im on a bus in the middle of the city, waiting untill its full. i then burst into flames ripping off peoples heads around me hitting others with them, taking out their spines and strangling others with them. next i get off the bus go into a church running up and eating the priest shouting"satan is here to rule" then literally ripping everyone to shreds. next my 2 year old brother walks in... i throw a church pew at him. i look towards the sky, shout like a madman then everything i see catches immediate fire. everyone i kill is either my friends or my family. ive heard voices in my head before that tell me to grab scissors or knives, tree limbs and kill people before. its almost happened twice. and i mean they have almost died twice. were both fucked up.

ive tried to stop sleeping before. it works untill i have a migrane and pass out on the couch or in my bed for the rest of the day. then wake up sweating like a pig. then have violent visions the rest of the day. but i think its better than the dream.

Ever tryed seroquel?

[FojeJC]

Seroquel is for people with schizophrenia and/or bipolar disease (and depression). I amazingly don't suffer from either of those disorders, and I'm not depressed, that's one thing that annoys me the most, I don't even get scared or sad due to the dreams/visions anymore... sometimes I find them entertaining... that's the only reason I post it online- am I evil or a future sociopath?

Your dreams seem to have more... representations, for example the church/satanic belief or even the arsonist idea, though the dream is still similar through the methods of killing and the actual number of kills, have you tested for bipolar disorder or schizophrenia?

Anyway, the sleep easing pills didn't make any difference neither did the ones to put me to sleep, I'm starting to believe that I'm just going to have to live with it, every day of my life...
That thought makes me bored.

[Bluerhino666]

no ive not tested for either bi polar or schitzophrenia, but im considering it. i do have an amazingly terrible case of ADHD though. and my dreams have gotten worse, they now continue from everything catching fire untill i scramble through the desert having a live zebra for a meal, finding a nursery and ripping the innards out of the babies. and my grandmother got cancer putting me through more mental stress. i have acctualy burned down an old shed in a field since i last posted, making me crave more.

[FojeJC]

I'm starting to find this crap quite entertaining.
I must ask you, do you find relief or release of tension and stress when you commit arson/start a fire?
If so, it might possibly be involved with the Pyromania disorder, but that doesn't explain the horrific dreams. I suggest getting tested for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

Oh, and the doctor increased my sleeping pills to the double than the normal for a grown adult.

[Bluerhino666]

while there still is a fire going i feel like what i believe to be normal, but when it ends i have a blank state of mind for a couple seconds, then the inner demons re-emerge from my core being stronger than ever giving me the most violent visions and feelings to kill. i completly mutilated a raccon with my bare hands after the shed fire. and in my dreams i am now wearing part of the zebra i ate as a hat and use the babies teeth as blades in a blender making the innards and bones into a nice refreshing beverage and drinking it out of a coconut on the beach.

[FojeJC]

No idea...
I usually have a conclusion but you might bugged me.
I still think it might be involved with the pyromania disorder and something else,
Or you're screwing with me.

Anyway, have you've always had these dreams or temptations to burn?

[Bluerhino666]

well... i cant quite remember when there wasnt something wrong with me, it got worse through the yeare though. cant wait to see what i turn into...

[DarthMayim]

To me it sounds like a demon talking to you.

[FojeJC]

To me it sounds like a demon talking to you.

Which one of us?
And do you mean an actual demon?

And Bluerhino666 I don't know anymore, maybe its caused by previous trauma- did anything bad happen to you while you were an infant?

[DarthMayim]

Yes Foje I mean an actual demon.
HOWEVER, I have been doing some random research lately, and from what you described rhino, it sounds like you may have Schizophrenia.

[FojeJC]

Well...
I'm starting to believe I am a atheist to the heart but i do love the occult, at one point in time I was a bit obsessed with demons and death in general so I did researched it but never really came to a conclusion that they existed, even though the "voices" I used to have told me I was one.

Now, if hypothetically one of us had a demon or were in contact with one, how would we deal with it? Also, what kind of demon are you thinking of? (Christian demons, Occultist demons, Hindu demons, Japanese demons or even Greek demons)

[munchausen]

The way you described it, including the voices and images suggests violent paranoid schizophrenia. I'm taking everything you're saying to be fact but if it is the case you have to go to a doctor asap. You can visit your GP and get their advice while under 18 years of age. I suggest that as a next step.

[FojeJC]

The voices I had disappeared when I was about 5, by then I obviously knew I was different and I knew being different was frown upon society so I just kept to myself, even from my family. After that those images (or visions...) I get from looking at someone grew more violent and I was a bit antisocial for a few years, I just got used to it. But now my images are going away and the dreams are creeping up on me while I'm sleeping.

I've been to a psychologist a few times and I've been tested for schizophrenia and some other disorder that I can't remember, I didn't have neither of them. I'm taking Lunesta to keep me asleep, it's not really working even with the higher dosage. They also suggested me to take some antidepressants for the insomnia but I'm not sure yet.

[Bluerhino666]

since i last posted, i have been tested for all sorts of things and every time the psychologist has had absolutley no clue. were just seeing what combination of pills work now. there is some things i cant post on here for personal reasons that i told the doctor

[FojeJC]

Well, good luck with that Bluerhino666 and if something is too personal you can keep it to yourself as I'm not anything close to a doctor, yet.

Now, the genocide dreams and the freaky visions are both working...
I suggest maladaptive daydreaming to my doc and he disagreed saying "Your films or visions are too... vivid and always happen when you see someone" but he came up with a idea to see if it had to do with another disorder, personality disorder I think.
He put me listening to some great music which I picked out (Piano, Violin, Opera...) and then he sent me with some other people waiting and I didn't have a single vision.
That did help but it wasn't enough to prove anything.

[Bluerhino666]

well, good luck to you too. i hope we both get better soon.

[Emperor Penguin]

Hahaha, whenever I see someone I think of all the different ways that I could kill them too! I like to imagine all the possibilities playing out in my mind..oh how I love it! :D

[Thunderstorm]

You should really to talk to a family member about this before seeking professional help. Maybe they can help you. It may not just have to be your parents. It can be an Aunt, Uncle, Grandparent. I've heard of stuff like this, but it's usually something people bring upon themselves, but it seems you were just born with it. i'm sure you're not the only one. Maybe do a little research and see who else may have something similar. Good Luck!

[PyChE36]

I sometimes get the same thoughts.

[NotASpyingRent]

All of you!! If you get these thoughts, PLEASE do us ALL a favor and see a doctor.

[Bluerhino666]

I have had an extremly disturbing vision which I cant remember that's involved pills. So ive stopped taking mine. The visions have come back with flying colors. When I was on the pills they only I habited my dreams but got rid of my personality. I have had a lot of fun with fire and explosives latley, so I'm pretty happy for now.

[EvilB]

Well anger management is good thing to controll it? And go to church!

[StrawberryCyanide]

Only a professional can diagnose you, I can imagine these thoughts greatly interfere with your everyday life. I strongly suggest telling someone and seeking professional advice immediately.

[turtleman]

Well anger management is good thing to controll it? And go to church!

I'm not one to hate on religion, but I don't think you should be shoving your beliefs down their throats. Seriously.