How to tell people I love I used to...

[Enkoi]

I am still having trouble coming to terms with my self abusive past.

I used to cut myself when I was younger about 14 and 15. I now have scars on my left arm because of it (it didnt help that I picked the scabs when it was healing). I haven't had too many people ask me what happened but I always use the lame excuse "my dog jumped on me." I hate it. My parents know I did it (when my dad screamed that one night: "WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR ARM!!!!"). Hell broke loose. I was crying my parents weren't so "whats wrong" they just told me "people go to hospitals for that!" etc... But I stopped when I realized my parents only wanted me to be healthy and stuff.

I never used to cut to kill myself. It was mostly for feeling. The pain. I did it to relase energy and the pain that was built up inside of me. I mean I was also in the peak of adolescence so, I was extra emotional.

But I hate these scars. I wish I could get rid of them. They hurt just looking at them, a reminder of how I caused myself and others pain.
And I can't seem to tell my best friend about them. I know it won't push her away to tell her, I just can't find the right time. I guess not on the phone. What do you think? I mean I just don't want her to worry about me and assume things and tell some one else, but I know her; she wouldn't make things worse.

I'm more worried about my boyfriend. Also, because we make so many "emo jokes" (I know not funny) but he doesn't know I really hurt myself. We're six months into our relationship, but I'm afraid of pushing him far far away. I dont know. I really love him but I don't want to have to hide this or lie to him because he notices I get extra sensitve about "cutting jokes" (because its not funny and its serious). But he doesn't know to stop because I never told him I once was in that position.

So, how do you tell your closest, more trust worthy friends of a haunting past? :confused:

-Thank you

[Bobby]

Well I know dermatologists can do a laser scar removal.

But anyway, if your boyfriend and friend are really loyal, they won't care about your past. They will try and help you through it. Just sit them down individually, and calmy explain it all.

[Pioneer92]

i know im young and not an expert on things like this but i hope i can try to help

But I hate these scars. I wish I could get rid of them. They hurt just looking at them, a reminder of how I caused myself and others pain.

i hope i dont come off as a jerk but i hope that those scars remind you that people do care about you! i dont even know you but reading your post made me feel closer to you if that makes sense

And I can't seem to tell my best friend about them. I know it won't push her away to tell her, I just can't find the right time. I guess not on the phone. What do you think? I mean I just don't want her to worry about me and assume things and tell some one else, but I know her; she wouldn't make things worse.

i think if you can find some private time with her where you wont be distracted by anything then try to talk to her about it. maybe you can try starting off by mentioning that you used to cut and that it made you feel good for the moment but afterwards (when u stopped) you realized that you really werent the only person you were cutting with that knife. cheesy i know, but oh well. that might get her to open up or at least reconsider what shes doing. i think talking her directly about it like its her fault and she should stop immediately might shut her off from your reasoning even if she doesnt show it. it happens to me when people talk to me about my problems as if im a little kid and they act like know more than me

I'm more worried about my boyfriend. Also, because we make so many "emo jokes" (I know not funny) but he doesn't know I really hurt myself. We're six months into our relationship, but I'm afraid of pushing him far far away. I dont know. I really love him but I don't want to have to hide this or lie to him because he notices I get extra sensitve about "cutting jokes" (because its not funny and its serious). But he doesn't know to stop because I never told him I once was in that position.

for your bf, if he mentions another joke then maybe you can be like, "i know these jokes might be funny, but i went through most of them" and if u can then try to explain your past to him. tell him that even though you stopped the scars are still there and they remind you of times youd rather not be reminded of. but again i think confronting (is that the word) directly would be bad because he might get defensive and might shut you out or get mad.

i hope that helps a little bit

[Crystal-Clear]

Well first things first, you can get rid of the scars.
There are oils and things that can get rid of them. I'm not sure which ones they are, but if you look around I'm sure you'll find them.

With your boyfriend, if he truly wants to be with you, it won't make him leave. I told my boyfriend a few months into the relationship, because I was still doing it then. And over 3 years later, his still here.
I am sure if you find the right time to talk about it, your boyfriend will accept it as part of your past, and if he does fly off the handle about it, just give him time to calm down. I'm sure things will be okay.

If you want to tell your bestfriend, perhaps send her an e-mail or something? I am sure she wouldn't tell anyone else, and if you make it very clearly that self harming is not an experience you want to repeat, then that would ease her miind about worrying or anything.

With whatever you do, and however you tell them, I wish you luck.

[Enkoi]

Thanks everyone so far. :)

I am still thinking about it. I think it will be easier telling my best friend than bf, but I will try eventually. I know she's busy now (she just graduated!) so I don't know. And I will see my boyfriend again today some time, but it's his soccer game and I don't know if I'm going over. He's going on vacation tomorrow, so I wouldn't want him golfing with that on his mind. Maybe I don't know.

He has asked me about if I've ever done that before, but I don't think it was ever out of seriousness. And I have told him no, just, you know. But I'm pretty sure I've seen him studying my scars, but he's never asked where I got them from...

[Sapphire]

Be open and honest with them about it and reassure them both that it is in your past and that it's not a problem nowadays. They should be fine with it.

[PoisonousLove]

He has asked me about if I've ever done that before, but I don't think it was ever out of seriousness. And I have told him no, just, you know. But I'm pretty sure I've seen him studying my scars, but he's never asked where I got them from...

This may seem jerkish or assholeish on my part, but that's a big mistake.

Lying to someone close to you is just, horrible. They dont trust you, especially if they find out the truth. If you see him looking at the scars, just show him and tell him the truth.

[Break the Cage]

last night i told one of my best friends (the one that didnt already know..) about my near suicide a few months ago. he hugged me and said he would have followed me straight off, said i could tell him anything, that he would always stick by me and that he loves me. i cried like fuck, didnt help that i was quite drunk though.
im glad he knows.

[Enkoi]

This may seem jerkish or assholeish on my part, but that's a big mistake.

Lying to someone close to you is just, horrible. They dont trust you, especially if they find out the truth. If you see him looking at the scars, just show him and tell him the truth.

No, I understand and after I think about, you are definitly right :)

This is so hard. I think above everything I must tell my best friend first. I also think it will make us closer and she will open up to me more too...I don't know.

But yeah, I know I will eventually tell my bf, but I want the right time although I can't sit and wait for it to come to me, I must approach it.

Thanks for the advice.

[heartagram72]

just tell ur best friend when u 2 go like swimming or something....act like its no big deal

as for ur boyfriend...
tell ur boyfriend that u never were emo, cuz any1 can cut
idk...not very good.
everytime i look at them i feeell the same way. my best friend knows i cut.
he even did his wrists once with a small saw.
i couldnt EVER tell my parents

[Enkoi]

....I told my two best friends and they were understanding.

I haven't told my bf yet because of the same reasons I mentioned above. I want to because


I love him.

[slut bunwullah]

I am still having trouble coming to terms with my self abusive past.

I used to cut myself when I was younger about 14 and 15. I now have scars on my left arm because of it (it didnt help that I picked the scabs when it was healing). I haven't had too many people ask me what happened but I always use the lame excuse "my dog jumped on me." I hate it. My parents know I did it (when my dad screamed that one night: "WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR ARM!!!!"). Hell broke loose. I was crying my parents weren't so "whats wrong" they just told me "people go to hospitals for that!" etc... But I stopped when I realized my parents only wanted me to be healthy and stuff.

I never used to cut to kill myself. It was mostly for feeling. The pain. I did it to relase energy and the pain that was built up inside of me. I mean I was also in the peak of adolescence so, I was extra emotional.

But I hate these scars. I wish I could get rid of them. They hurt just looking at them, a reminder of how I caused myself and others pain.
And I can't seem to tell my best friend about them. I know it won't push her away to tell her, I just can't find the right time. I guess not on the phone. What do you think? I mean I just don't want her to worry about me and assume things and tell some one else, but I know her; she wouldn't make things worse.

I'm more worried about my boyfriend. Also, because we make so many "emo jokes" (I know not funny) but he doesn't know I really hurt myself. We're six months into our relationship, but I'm afraid of pushing him far far away. I dont know. I really love him but I don't want to have to hide this or lie to him because he notices I get extra sensitve about "cutting jokes" (because its not funny and its serious). But he doesn't know to stop because I never told him I once was in that position.

So, how do you tell your closest, more trust worthy friends of a haunting past? :confused:

-Thank you

Don't worry about your boyfreind, when I told my girlfriend that I cut, she asked why, I told her and she was really understanding. If your boyfreind really loves you he'll accept it. But telling them is difficult. I've had quite a bad past, there's still a lot they don't know. But if your scars bother you, go to a dermatologist, they work, i can hardly notice mine now:)

Hope i helped

[Enkoi]

Hehe, I would love to more than anything, but then this goes with having to talk to my parents and bring this up again... I dunno.

Well, I will try talking to my bf soon enough.

[slut bunwullah]

Hehe, I would love to more than anything, but then this goes with having to talk to my parents and bring this up again... I dunno.

Well, I will try talking to my bf soon enough.

Your seventeen, just book your self an appointment with the dermatologist.

[Φρανκομβριτ]

One day, stop hiding it. If they ask, tell them the truth. You put them there, and you're better now. if theyre your friends it should be no big deal and you'll never deal with it again!:)