Alias
March 27th, 2012, 10:10 PM
Alright, where to begin. I have always seemed to have a problem of self doubt. I belittle my actions even though I know it is illogical. For instance, I have a dog who I care about very much, yet I can't shake the feeling that I fucked up while training her. Its not like she has any major defects (she does bark whenever she is let into the backyard, but doesn't inside the house. She also is energetic when people arrive through the door after leaving a while. But this isnt about raising animals) yet I still feel like I have messed up.
My grades are fairly high. Yet I can't shake the feeling that they are nothing special. They are average. For instance, I feel as if I have failed if i get an 89(B) as oppossed to a 90(A) and that stops me from getting all As in every subject.
My ACT and SAT or whatever acronym they decide to use test scores are pretty good. I just keep thinking to myself that I am not as smart as I think I am. I also think it may or may not come from trying my damndest not to come across as an arrogant douchebag.
I also feel as though this thread is worthless and I am complaining about nothing. It is frustrating! I know its not rational, if I feel like there is a problem then there just might be a problem, but, self doubt.
I know a popular response will probably be "see someone about it" I just get the feeling it isnt a big enough of a problem for a councellor or therapist or whatever.
Even worse is that I subcounciously disregard praise. No matter what it is, wether it is well deserved or not. I just toss it aside and feel nothing of it.
Logically I know these problems should not exist, yet logically knowing something doesn't stop them.
I know this is probably worthless information, but ill add it anyway.
Another part where this plays a huge role is my ambition for life. I know it sounds (very)crazy, but I want to change the world in some way. I want my name to be known for generations to come. I have background to do it. I am currently going to one of the best high schools in my area and getting good in it. I come from a background that can financialy support me through college. People have come from worse backgrounds and still achieved things. I feel like pursiuing this goal is hopeless. Its like my mind is nagging at me that I simply cant do it.
and I still can't shake the feeling that this will sound like some crazed drama-queen rant from someone seeking attention.
My grades are fairly high. Yet I can't shake the feeling that they are nothing special. They are average. For instance, I feel as if I have failed if i get an 89(B) as oppossed to a 90(A) and that stops me from getting all As in every subject.
My ACT and SAT or whatever acronym they decide to use test scores are pretty good. I just keep thinking to myself that I am not as smart as I think I am. I also think it may or may not come from trying my damndest not to come across as an arrogant douchebag.
I also feel as though this thread is worthless and I am complaining about nothing. It is frustrating! I know its not rational, if I feel like there is a problem then there just might be a problem, but, self doubt.
I know a popular response will probably be "see someone about it" I just get the feeling it isnt a big enough of a problem for a councellor or therapist or whatever.
Even worse is that I subcounciously disregard praise. No matter what it is, wether it is well deserved or not. I just toss it aside and feel nothing of it.
Logically I know these problems should not exist, yet logically knowing something doesn't stop them.
I know this is probably worthless information, but ill add it anyway.
Another part where this plays a huge role is my ambition for life. I know it sounds (very)crazy, but I want to change the world in some way. I want my name to be known for generations to come. I have background to do it. I am currently going to one of the best high schools in my area and getting good in it. I come from a background that can financialy support me through college. People have come from worse backgrounds and still achieved things. I feel like pursiuing this goal is hopeless. Its like my mind is nagging at me that I simply cant do it.
and I still can't shake the feeling that this will sound like some crazed drama-queen rant from someone seeking attention.