relapsing

[Sordid Saint]

i have two perc 30s that I've had for a while......


I smoked my whole stash trying to keep myself from taking these, which was about 5-6g...... I have so much on my mind I just wanna send it all away with these pills but I don't wanna get addicted again. I have no one to talk to right now so anyyyoonee that replies would be helpful...

life fucking sucks... there's no control over anything so why not just numb myself down so I can't feel life at all? If no one really cares about me, what's the point of trying to make everyone else happy? If everyone sees me as a junkie, then why not give them what they're asking for? I can't even handle the amount of feelings I'm having right now and my body n my brain are BEGGING for something to help, but smoking just doesn't cut it right now. I'm almost at the point where I don't even care if I become addicted again, because I felt like I was doing so good staying off of oxy, but just now I realize it's the same shit as before........

i really don't know what to do guys I'm literally playing with them in my hands, it's just a matter of what happens that depends on if I relapse and ruin my fucking life again.................

wtf man.....

[ImCoolBeans]

Get rid of them. Get them out of your reach, out of your house, out of your life. I know how difficult it can be to face something like this, and how difficult it is to stay away from it. If you really want to stay clean from the percs you're going to have to really apply yourself and eliminate the possibility from your life. There is no "trying" when it comes to beating an addiction like that, you have to "do". Set some daily or weekly goals for yourself and really stick to them, and if need be set some ground rules for yourself to follow. Don't ever feel like asking for help makes you weak or any type of failure, because asking for help is one of the most difficult things to do. It can even really show how determined you are to stay clean. We all care about you here at VT and we want to see you beat this and progress. If you ever need anything at all please don't hesitate to shoot me over a PM, I'm on here often and I'll answer you as soon as I see it.

[Sordid Saint]

i mean I'm never gonna get rid of them unless i take em. I'm already completely clean for months now, and I've had these since then just in case. I like to believe i've been doing good but really man things have me down lately I just don't know what to do.... maybe flush em but shit, then I won't have anything in a bad situation where I'm about to go crazzyy......

[ImCoolBeans]

i mean I'm never gonna get rid of them unless i take em. I'm already completely clean for months now, and I've had these since then just in case. I like to believe i've been doing good but really man things have me down lately I just don't know what to do.... maybe flush em but shit, then I won't have anything in a bad situation where I'm about to go crazzyy......

I know where you're coming from - things have you down, you just feel like shit, the "can't even fake a smile" type of deal. I've felt like that many times and I've used drugs to make myself feel better but in the end it really just sweeps them under the rug, but I know you know that, you're not an idiot. You have been doing really well. That takes a lot of self control and determination. I congratulate you on making it this far, but just remember that there are always going to be bumps in the road and you need to be prepared for them. If you're truly ready to move on and start the next stage of staying clean, you'll flush them, but in the end of things it's your call. I think flushing them is your best bet here, man. Use your best judgement, I know you're well aware of the consequences and what it'll take, I've seen your posts and replied to them, you've got what it takes, but getting there can really be difficult. Be safe, be smart, use your best judgement. Step back and assess the situation - put aside your feelings and emotions towards it for a second and think about what the best, most logical idea is.

[Sordid Saint]

yeah there's bumps in the road but how the fuck long do these bumps go for? I've been waiting to get my miracles and shit in life, but there's only so much time that I can take waiting, and it just isn't showing up, or even hinting that it's gonna show up.

You are very helpful man, you should know that because on many off my posts you're the one who changed my mind. But damn, school, people, everything really sucks. there's like 1 or 2 things that still make me happy now.

[ImCoolBeans]

I know exactly how you feel, the best thing I can tell you to do is to take it day by day. You don't have to look so far in advance and try to look for the good things, the small things can really mean a lot too. The waiting game is probably the most anxiety-ridden, nervous, and sickening period of it all - when all you want is for it to end and get better but there doesn't really seem to be all that much on the horizon. It can get pretty lonely and you might feel like giving up (hence your posting this thread) but like I said the only way to beat it is to really stick to your guns and believe that you can do it. Friends can help a great deal with these types of situations. I have one friend who has helped me a lot with this type of thing, even just talking about it and getting the feelings off of your chest seems to help, let alone just talking to him helps. If you have anybody like that you should definitely try talking to them and telling them what's going on, but only if you're comfortable doing so. If not, I'm always more than willing to help in any way that I can, you know how to get to me if you need to.