My Hypocrisy

[Thanatos]

Sorry for the semi-long read

As a sort of Prologue to this: When I was 13, I discovered the wide world of sexual experimentation. From actually having sex with a girl, to trading HJs/BJs with a close guy friend, I have literally experienced the full circuit of sexual activities outside of anal.

Since then I have not had a girlfriend, though I have kept up my experiences with guys. This being made easier through playing on sports teams, and going to an all boys school. Up until the past year I always viewed it as goofing around. But now I'm starting to realize it's not curiousity thats driving me towards boys, it's attraction and pleasure. As much as I love women, find them attractive, and see myself one day marrying a woman and having kids of my own. There is nothing sexier to me then a boy on the cusp of puberty, or just recently in it.

This is what stems my main worries. I find all sorts of guys attractive, but that age group of 13-15 year olds turns me on like nothing else can. I always figured it was since that was the age where I started becoming sexual active and had a lot of experiences. I'm worried that it will stay like this forever, and I'll end up some old man stuck daydreaming about little boys.

Secondly, I guess I can be labelled as Bisexual due to all of this. My personality fits, I don't hide my attraction to guys at all. The thing is that everyone has no idea whether I'm joking or not. A few select friends know that I am not kidding. A lot of other kids have approached me on the subject and said that if I actually was gay they had no problem with it.

Hell even my mom suspects it. She has told me multiple times that she loves me no matter what and just wants me to be happy. A couple months ago when I went through a bout of depression due to stress from school, etc. She suspected it was trouble with my sexuality and actually asked my hockey coach, who is a very close family friend, what he thought on the matter.

Now to any gay/Bi kid this sounds like heaven on earth, right? Supportive Parents, understanding friends, all guy school. But for some reason I just cannot say it. I can't admit to everyone the truth, and I think it's because then I would have to admit it to myself. All the joking, and 'experimenting' wouldn't be that anymore. It would be real, and I can't handle that.

Can someone give me any advice or something or tell me I'm an utter moron for being stressed when I have so much support? Please.

[Toon'Cam]

Coming out is a stressful subject, thinking about it alone makes you think of alot of possible outcomes and eventually you will only over think it and you might end up focusing on the negatives about it. The only advice I can give is for you to wait until you personally feel comfortable to admit it and put everyone else's opinion on it behind your own. Hopefully you will know the time when it comes but until then good luck :). X

[UnknownBoi98]

I Think That If You Are Comfortable With Your Sexuality ; Then You Should Let People Know About Your Sexuality. . On The Other Hand If Your Not Comfortable Only Tell Close Friends And Maybe Even Family & It Will Hopefully Eventually Let You Know About Your Own Sexual Orientation. . I'm Bi & I'm Not Even Comfortable Letting The Whole World Know About My Sexuality ; You'll Know When Your Ready ; I Hope This Helps (:

[Sudds3]

I would say talk to your mom or hockey coach because they seem to know what will be best and they would help a lot! Probably your hockey coach cuz he can keep an eye on you while your at practice and stuff, but best of luck! Dont do anything you will regret, think everything through completely to the end!

[swaggerman84]

If you want to you can if not then don't but remember there will be people who hate for it but just remember the wierdest person always has the biggest tansity

[crepesuzette]

Sorry for the semi-long read

As a sort of Prologue to this: When I was 13, I discovered the wide world of sexual experimentation. From actually having sex with a girl, to trading HJs/BJs with a close guy friend, I have literally experienced the full circuit of sexual activities outside of anal.

Since then I have not had a girlfriend, though I have kept up my experiences with guys. This being made easier through playing on sports teams, and going to an all boys school. Up until the past year I always viewed it as goofing around. But now I'm starting to realize it's not curiousity thats driving me towards boys, it's attraction and pleasure. As much as I love women, find them attractive, and see myself one day marrying a woman and having kids of my own. There is nothing sexier to me then a boy on the cusp of puberty, or just recently in it.

This is what stems my main worries. I find all sorts of guys attractive, but that age group of 13-15 year olds turns me on like nothing else can. I always figured it was since that was the age where I started becoming sexual active and had a lot of experiences. I'm worried that it will stay like this forever, and I'll end up some old man stuck daydreaming about little boys.

Secondly, I guess I can be labelled as Bisexual due to all of this. My personality fits, I don't hide my attraction to guys at all. The thing is that everyone has no idea whether I'm joking or not. A few select friends know that I am not kidding. A lot of other kids have approached me on the subject and said that if I actually was gay they had no problem with it.

Hell even my mom suspects it. She has told me multiple times that she loves me no matter what and just wants me to be happy. A couple months ago when I went through a bout of depression due to stress from school, etc. She suspected it was trouble with my sexuality and actually asked my hockey coach, who is a very close family friend, what he thought on the matter.

Now to any gay/Bi kid this sounds like heaven on earth, right? Supportive Parents, understanding friends, all guy school. But for some reason I just cannot say it. I can't admit to everyone the truth, and I think it's because then I would have to admit it to myself. All the joking, and 'experimenting' wouldn't be that anymore. It would be real, and I can't handle that.

Can someone give me any advice or something or tell me I'm an utter moron for being stressed when I have so much support? Please.

Seriously, you should really talk to someone about this in person, like maybe a counselor. why can't you say it if you have understanding people in your life? as for the daydreaming about boys, you can tell someone and try to let it go. Don't sweat it, your hormones won't be steady until you're like in your 20s. Until then, let's hope for the best.

[jayyy-lmao]

It just seems like you need to give it time. Let yourself get comfortable with you. Yes, it does seem like heaven, but all that glitters is not gold, my friend. Looks can be deceiving. But you shouldn't let it stress you. When you feel comfortable, you can come out. But only when you're comfortable.

[Magenta]

Dude, this is completely normal! Look, I grew up in a family where my mum's best friend was a lesbian, I had babysitters who were a couple of gay men and my family is wholly supportive of gay and bisexual individuals and couples. Yet when I told my mum, I was nearly in tears. I was so scared and I didn't even know why. It's admitting to something that's a big part of you. And we hear all the time about homophobic people and a part of our brain is thinking "but what if..." and we hesitate. We do that with a lot of things in life, not just coming out. But you have to remind yourself that the 'what ifs' in life only slow you down and they often only account for the negative factors we're afraid of witnessing. But if we don't just take a little leap of faith, we can't see the good outcomes that are so much more likely. You are who you are and if you're comfortable with it, go for it. But no one is forcing you to come out. You don't even have to come out if you don't want to. It is entirely up to you.

As for liking younger boys, I wouldn't worry too much for now. Boys mature at a different rate than girls do. Because of that, hormones are likely a factor, the age you experimented at is a very large factor. You're attracted to what you already know. You'll probably find an older guy you're attracted to and that will likely ease all your worries in the future. You're only 18 -- you're basing what you're attracted to on the only things you've really experienced and that's okay, if you've not experienced different, how would you know any different? But I think that will change as you get older and mature more.

[justin 13]

It just seems like you need to give it time. Let yourself get comfortable with you. Yes, it does seem like heaven, but all that glitters is not gold, my friend. Looks can be deceiving. But you shouldn't let it stress you. When you feel comfortable, you can come out. But only when you're comfortable.


WOW JP u r soooooooo good giving help to people. Nice having u here.:)

[steellord321]

Sounds like you've done it so much that others probably don't see it as joking. You won't be telling them anything they don't already know.

[jayyy-lmao]

WOW JP u r soooooooo good giving help to people. Nice having u here.:)

I'm honestly unsure if this is sarcasm or not. :/

[Cameron14]

Some good advice here. Don't beat yourself up -give it time.

[Hermes96]

R.E - liking boys 13 -15 thats usaual at our age as we like people who are near our ages not to young not to old

[Aidoon123]

I can relate!! Well, I haven't experimented but the thoughts and feeling are the same. About the age group thing, it's because we are that age!! I'm pretty sure when I'm 20 I will be attracted to other 20 year olds :) If you are sure your bi-sexual (which is a scary thing to accept) you must embrace it. I know everyone is different on how they handle these things but if you get it out there, it will feel 100% better. beleive me!

[justin 13]

I'm honestly unsure if this is sarcasm or not. :/


I am serious. I like the way you help people. I told you nice having you here on this forum. :yes:

[DepartInSecret]

Time is all you need.... Take time, you have good friends who don't mind your sexuality and caring and supportive parents. You don't need to deiced anything until you are, as everyone is saying completely Comfortable.
Before you come out to anyone you have to come out to yourself.

[Fanta_Lover44]

Patience, i plan to come out soon but i'm waiting for the time and im going to start by the family knowing and then im going to slowly tell my closest friends. My mum would be cool with it either way. Give it a while dude, head back and relax....