kidkizzet
March 22nd, 2012, 01:03 PM
I'm experiencing interesting feelings. Some things are rather conflicting, others aren't, and... well, I don't know, but I feel like getting some things out. So...
I cut today, I really needed it, and I... I guess I loved it. Yeah, it made me feel better. It was a conflicting time though, everything's so conflicting, it's ridiculous.
It was what happened after I cut that I really wanted to talk about though. When I got to class I was in an interesting place. There was a mixture of emotions and it was rather confusing. Throughout class and then on the walk home, as well as when I actually got home, I was thinking about where I stand with self-harm.
I'm not going to get into it all, but basically I'm not sure about all of this. It feels like it's been forever. Should I try to put a real effort in to not self-harming? Should I.... should I to a lot of things self-harm related.
I know what you're all going to say. You're going to say that I don't need it, and all the other stuff like that. What I'm trying to get across is that I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready to stop self-harming. After relapsing a while back I stopped caring and fell back into doing it again. Do I put the effort into stopping again? Do I put the effort into resisting the urges more than I am currently doing now? Who knows.
I need to think about how serious I am, how much effort I'm going to put into this.
I don't know how ready I am.
I cut today, I really needed it, and I... I guess I loved it. Yeah, it made me feel better. It was a conflicting time though, everything's so conflicting, it's ridiculous.
It was what happened after I cut that I really wanted to talk about though. When I got to class I was in an interesting place. There was a mixture of emotions and it was rather confusing. Throughout class and then on the walk home, as well as when I actually got home, I was thinking about where I stand with self-harm.
I'm not going to get into it all, but basically I'm not sure about all of this. It feels like it's been forever. Should I try to put a real effort in to not self-harming? Should I.... should I to a lot of things self-harm related.
I know what you're all going to say. You're going to say that I don't need it, and all the other stuff like that. What I'm trying to get across is that I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready to stop self-harming. After relapsing a while back I stopped caring and fell back into doing it again. Do I put the effort into stopping again? Do I put the effort into resisting the urges more than I am currently doing now? Who knows.
I need to think about how serious I am, how much effort I'm going to put into this.
I don't know how ready I am.