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View Full Version : NO Idea what to do...


Electra Heart
March 21st, 2012, 06:46 PM
*DISCLAIMER* This is a novel... feel free to skip over my bullshit.

So, my friend and I have been friends for quite a while now, about 3 years. However, I've always been a bit weary of whether or not he actually gives a shit about me... Before we were friends, he used to torment me everyday of my life for a year. The first day of 6th grade, we were put on the exact same schedule because our last names are extremely close together, which also meant we had to sit together. Expecting him to be mean again, I was terrified. But, to my surprise, he acted totally normal, and we were inseparable that entire year, and the following summer. I'm a VERY naive, and distrusting person so it did take a while for me to get used to him. Along with him, I have another friend that was friends with him before I was (confusing sorry :whoops:). I always felt like, when I wasn't around, they'd talk about me behind my back, I had no proof so I didn't let it eat me up too much... So, last year (7th grade) we were all put into different divisions (our school calls them pods, basically, we all have different teachers for each subject at different parts of the school). That year, we all stayed fairly well connected but I noticed other friends and I began to drift apart so I got closer to him. I feel like he felt smothered so he went off with my other friend (the 3rd of the trio), basically making me feel alienated as he hung out with him WAY more. This past summer, we hung out a lot, but not NEARLY as much as before. My friendship with the other trio member was basically shattered by odd sexual tensions I'm not going into right now. He however, still remained close with him. Every time he came over he'd always say "Can we call him? I'm so BORED!" Maybe I'm just looking too deep into things but that genuinely hurt me, it was like he only wanted to hang out with me if the other was around. So finally this year, the whole pod thing, and a nasty break-up with my ex has basically shattered ANY true friendships I'd had before, excluding the other 2 members of our trio (The third, and I had worked things out and we are still friends). So, first day of school, I walk over to the table that we have all sat at for 3 years, to be greeted by stares. Stares of the other 2's friends, and of just total strangers. I was uncomfortable, but I sat anyway. During the month I tried this, it literally seemed like EVERYONE was attempting to not talk to me. I'd see my other 2 friends dart their eyes at me, and snicker. All year I had texted the first friend to hang out like we did in the summer, I nearly never got replies, if they were, it was usually no because he "didn't feel like it." The 2nd friend, and I seem to get along just fine, until HIS other friends come into the picture, it doesn't seem like they're TRYING to make me uncomfortable, but nonetheless I am, so I shuffle away awkwardly like I've become accustomed to doing. For the past 5 months, I've been sitting with a group of acquaintances at lunch, people I barely know, and rarely talk to. Earlier this week, I decided to take a stand, and repair our friendship. I sat down next to my 2 friends, and the stares were not nearly as bad as before, I try to talk, but I can never get a word in. The first words I can hear out of the 1st friend's mouth are to one of his other friends in his pod, "Dude, seriously, if anyone of my "friends" moved to Canada or something, I honestly wouldn't give a shit except for Brad." I have nothing against Brad, I like Brad, but who the fuck says that surrounded by a group of their friends TO a friend? I'm just starting to think that I've been played a fool. I have unofficially crossed him my ultimate list of 2 friends that I, y'know, see OFTEN. This leaves 2 friends, the 2nd from the trio (seems to be ok, besides the still-awkard sexual tension...), and my "girlfriend" who I feel extremely bad hanging out with because I have yet to tell her that I am not physically attracted to women in the slightest for the most part, but there is some emotional attraction to some. Well there you go, if you read this, you deserve a medal. My main question is, do you think it was something I did to fuck this all up? Am I at fault here? Honestly, I haven't really many any friends in 3 years so, I'd also like some advice to keep the 2 I have, thanks.

Jupiter
March 21st, 2012, 07:09 PM
I honestly do not think that this was your fault. To be honest, friends come and friends will go, and that's the plain unsugar coated truth, unfortunately. Maybe he just got closer to Brad like you got closer to him. Please keep your head up, buddy.

ImCoolBeans
March 22nd, 2012, 12:05 AM
Tim, I don't think that you did anything to push them away, it honestly sounds like they have some egotistical tendencies that they need to get over. I know how this can be, when I was in 8th grade I was totally ditched by my group of friends. They made things up about me, talked a bunch of shit behind my back, told people that I was saying things about them when I really wasn't, just a bunch of those real shitty lies to make somebody look bad. This went on for about a month or so because I was too passive to do anything about it, I had a pretty low self esteem to begin with, and this just made it worse. So I ended up hanging around them, pretty much on the outskirts, and just feeling totally alienated, like a complete outsider who had no say in anything. I finally took a stand and called them out on their shit, and a large fight ensued, which lead to the end of all of my friendships with them. Luckily I was spared one friend who didn't hangout with them, she's been one of my best friends for almost 10 years now, and she really kept me going through it. After that it took me a little while to figure things out, find new people to sit with at lunch/talk to and associate myself with; very similar to what you were describing. Towards the end of that year and the beginning of that summer I found a great group of friends who I had common interest with and could really get along with. I was about your age at the time, maybe a year younger, so things always very dramatic, as they tend to be around that age, so I was really glad to fit in with this group. Things have changed a little since then, but definitely for the better. Our group has changed a little but it's still basically the same core group with some new faces. The bottom line is that things do get better, and these situations don't haunt you forever. You're an awesome guy and I am sure that you aren't going to be left alone throughout high school - I feared that I would be but things worked out - they usually tend to. Teenagers are just hormone fueled drama queens, and you're a little bit more better off than they are to be honest, based on the fact that you are mature enough to recognize this situation and want to deal with it and fix the issue, rather than acting like a child and playing games with somebody. Things will shape up for you, I'm sure of it. Just keep an open mind and put your best foot forward, Tim. If you need anything you know how to get to me :)

Electra Heart
March 22nd, 2012, 04:49 AM
Thanks to both of you, it really helped a lot :) +1

Jabbawocke
March 22nd, 2012, 05:21 AM
aw imtoo late..

Electra Heart
March 22nd, 2012, 02:23 PM
Too late for what...?

Stronger
March 22nd, 2012, 05:07 PM
Tim, I don't think you did anything wrong at all, clearly they don't seem like true friends(well that one), I think its time to move on from him and just stay friends with the other two. Back when I was your age I had a group of friends, who I thought I would be friends with for life, but each and everyone fucked me over, well I'm done with them, life goes on. With your two remaining ones just text/talk w/e to them periocally, try to hang out with them whenever you can, and if they actually hang out with you, those are real friends. Your what? 14? You have your how life to make better friends then you do now, that one friend, trash, thats not something you need in your life, the constant battle of trying to figure out: "Is he my true friend or not?" Stay strong Tim, I'm sure you will find friends, that will treat you like gold and who will actaully want to hang out with.

shahzaib92
March 24th, 2012, 08:21 AM
Hey my advice is that u break ur friendship with him or don't even think that ur been backstabbed just don't care god has given them mouth so let them talk watever they wnt u be to urself