Tenkotsu
March 12th, 2012, 07:05 PM
(I'm sorry if this is the wrong section)
I've been like this for a long time, I can't remember since when but now it seems that when I'm incapable of doing anything, like being at class, getting on a bus, being at the mall, I want and have the motivation to do stuff, but when i have the chance too, I lose that motivation.
It's like the transsition makes me slowly lose the motivation until i have nothing. It seems like the incapability to do something somewhere urges me to do it, but when I get the chance it's like I get appeased? Even writing the stuff downs begins to wane my urgency and motivation to do stuff, although it helps, it still feels that i lose the momentum to act :s
I don't know why I've been like this for some months now, when I'm in class i worry that someone will see what i want to do and thus don't do it, but keep thinking about it, eventually I might get to a "safer" place to write down, but I get nothing.
Lately it seems that I can't even concentrate in a single issue, one day I worry wether I should still go to college or not, other times I worry due to my lack of friends and other times that I feel sad that I'm 99% sure that I'm gay and I will dissapoint everyone I know, it's like I rotate the stuff that worries me everyday and I can't concentrate in doing anything. Thinking that whatever I do now must be productive and what I want to do for the rest of my life seems to plague me a lot lately.
In my house my mind is pretty much blank of what happened outside, wether it is in college, the mall or anything, I "forget" what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do it and the motivation I had for it. The urgency to do anything disappears as soon as I get the chance to do it, but appears whenever I can't.
I can't even concentrate in single things anymore, I may try to play a game but stop about 5 minutes in, I may try to read something in the web but read about 2 paragraphs and try to skip stuff, I may feel like going outside but immediately want to go back inside to surf the web. I even start to get guilty of doing X stuff and neglect Y and thus I can't seem to do anything anymore.
I've been like this for a long time, I can't remember since when but now it seems that when I'm incapable of doing anything, like being at class, getting on a bus, being at the mall, I want and have the motivation to do stuff, but when i have the chance too, I lose that motivation.
It's like the transsition makes me slowly lose the motivation until i have nothing. It seems like the incapability to do something somewhere urges me to do it, but when I get the chance it's like I get appeased? Even writing the stuff downs begins to wane my urgency and motivation to do stuff, although it helps, it still feels that i lose the momentum to act :s
I don't know why I've been like this for some months now, when I'm in class i worry that someone will see what i want to do and thus don't do it, but keep thinking about it, eventually I might get to a "safer" place to write down, but I get nothing.
Lately it seems that I can't even concentrate in a single issue, one day I worry wether I should still go to college or not, other times I worry due to my lack of friends and other times that I feel sad that I'm 99% sure that I'm gay and I will dissapoint everyone I know, it's like I rotate the stuff that worries me everyday and I can't concentrate in doing anything. Thinking that whatever I do now must be productive and what I want to do for the rest of my life seems to plague me a lot lately.
In my house my mind is pretty much blank of what happened outside, wether it is in college, the mall or anything, I "forget" what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do it and the motivation I had for it. The urgency to do anything disappears as soon as I get the chance to do it, but appears whenever I can't.
I can't even concentrate in single things anymore, I may try to play a game but stop about 5 minutes in, I may try to read something in the web but read about 2 paragraphs and try to skip stuff, I may feel like going outside but immediately want to go back inside to surf the web. I even start to get guilty of doing X stuff and neglect Y and thus I can't seem to do anything anymore.