sophierocks
March 10th, 2012, 12:52 AM
I have had a horrible life.
When I was only just born, I was a twin. Unfortunately, my sister died within the first month of our lifes. This probably is the part that pains me the least as I never really knew her.
When I was 7 I was diagnosed with lung cancer. After many months of chemotherapy the cancer was dehabilitated enough for it to be surgically removed. I was healthy again. But you can't forget being in the clinic where half of the people you see didn't make it.
When I was 14 my whole family, including me, were involved in a car crash. A truck ran into us on the highway at 110 kilometres an hour. I was the only one who survived. I had twin brothers next to me in the back and I still remember one of them giving up his last breath with a piece of metal stuck in his chest. It is so difficult to watch your family die in front of you while you live on.
I wanted to end it then. I was on the edge of a building about to jump when my best friend Jessica found me. We had been best friends for our entire lives. We were born on the same day in the same hospital. I would do anything for her. She managed to talk me out of it and even got her parents to adopt me as I had nowhere else to go.
Then, barely a year later, Jessica was gang raped. They totally destroyed her. She was in hospital for a month. I barely left her side until she could get out of bed and walk again. But even then I only left for school. She was so distraught. She became suicidal. One day when I was with her, she told me she was going to the bathroom, but she was gone for a very long time. But then I realised she was going to kill herself. I had been trying to get her out of those feelings but she was too determined. I managed to catch up with her on a 12th story balcony. I tried to get her to come back but she just looked at me, smiled and told me it was meant to be this way and to not worry about her. Then she stepped off.
I watched her fall and I was so angry at myself for not being able to help her like she had helped me. I jumped onto the ledge myself as she was still falling and was about to jump with her but she looked up at me and shook her head and I saw her say no. Those were Jessica's last words before she hit the ground.
When her parents found out they both went down the same path as she had gone. I was left with everyone who I had ever cared about or who had cared about me dead. I had no family, no friends, nothing. But yet I had to live on. After seeing my first and longest friend use her last moments to stop me from going over the edge I was determined to live on. I enrolled in a boarding school and met 5 girls who I am still friends with today. But no one could be a friend to me like Jessica had been.
But fate was not done with me yet.
When I was 16, I discovered that I had cancer again, in my lung again. I again had to endure long days in the chemotherapy clinic seeing people come in one day but be dead the next. A week before my 17th birthday I underwent surgery to remove the last of the cancer and have been cancer free since.
Only Jessica and the memory of her have managed to keep me getting up everyday and living life. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be around today, alive and healthy. I owe it all to her but I couldn't help her in her time of need. That is the thing that has been toughest to me.
This is the first time i've said all this and it feels really good to let it all out. I have had a tough life but have managed to be alive today.
If you ever feel suicidal, just talk to a friend and if they are a real friend, it helps, alot.
Sophie
When I was only just born, I was a twin. Unfortunately, my sister died within the first month of our lifes. This probably is the part that pains me the least as I never really knew her.
When I was 7 I was diagnosed with lung cancer. After many months of chemotherapy the cancer was dehabilitated enough for it to be surgically removed. I was healthy again. But you can't forget being in the clinic where half of the people you see didn't make it.
When I was 14 my whole family, including me, were involved in a car crash. A truck ran into us on the highway at 110 kilometres an hour. I was the only one who survived. I had twin brothers next to me in the back and I still remember one of them giving up his last breath with a piece of metal stuck in his chest. It is so difficult to watch your family die in front of you while you live on.
I wanted to end it then. I was on the edge of a building about to jump when my best friend Jessica found me. We had been best friends for our entire lives. We were born on the same day in the same hospital. I would do anything for her. She managed to talk me out of it and even got her parents to adopt me as I had nowhere else to go.
Then, barely a year later, Jessica was gang raped. They totally destroyed her. She was in hospital for a month. I barely left her side until she could get out of bed and walk again. But even then I only left for school. She was so distraught. She became suicidal. One day when I was with her, she told me she was going to the bathroom, but she was gone for a very long time. But then I realised she was going to kill herself. I had been trying to get her out of those feelings but she was too determined. I managed to catch up with her on a 12th story balcony. I tried to get her to come back but she just looked at me, smiled and told me it was meant to be this way and to not worry about her. Then she stepped off.
I watched her fall and I was so angry at myself for not being able to help her like she had helped me. I jumped onto the ledge myself as she was still falling and was about to jump with her but she looked up at me and shook her head and I saw her say no. Those were Jessica's last words before she hit the ground.
When her parents found out they both went down the same path as she had gone. I was left with everyone who I had ever cared about or who had cared about me dead. I had no family, no friends, nothing. But yet I had to live on. After seeing my first and longest friend use her last moments to stop me from going over the edge I was determined to live on. I enrolled in a boarding school and met 5 girls who I am still friends with today. But no one could be a friend to me like Jessica had been.
But fate was not done with me yet.
When I was 16, I discovered that I had cancer again, in my lung again. I again had to endure long days in the chemotherapy clinic seeing people come in one day but be dead the next. A week before my 17th birthday I underwent surgery to remove the last of the cancer and have been cancer free since.
Only Jessica and the memory of her have managed to keep me getting up everyday and living life. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be around today, alive and healthy. I owe it all to her but I couldn't help her in her time of need. That is the thing that has been toughest to me.
This is the first time i've said all this and it feels really good to let it all out. I have had a tough life but have managed to be alive today.
If you ever feel suicidal, just talk to a friend and if they are a real friend, it helps, alot.
Sophie