I don't even...

[kidkizzet]

Self-harm enters my mind a fair bit, and I can't help it. I feel like giving in a lot, and I don't really have the will not to give in right now. I can't be 'strong', whether or not I'd like to be is beside the point, because I simply can't.

I've relapsed. It's different from previous relapses though. There's not much I can say really, it's all rather inexpressible, nothing can even touch on it. I don't seem to care that I've relapsed; mind you, I don't care about much these days.

Everything's such a struggle right now. And you know, I know what people say, but at this moment in time I really think self-harm's not something I can try to fight against. Trying hard not to cut would only make other things worse.

Everything's baffling. Causation isn't something I think about. I don't really think about self-harm, I mean, it'll enter my mind and I'll end up thinking about it, but it's not something I consciously choose to think about. It's not a big deal or anything, it's just something that happens I guess.

Anyway, yeah, I just needed to vent.

[georgiamay]

First of all, don't feel bad about the fact that you relapsed, it's not necessary. It happens. People make mistakes, especially when it comes to things that they're dependent on, it's really hard to give those things up.

Anyway, there are some times when actively trying to stop isn't a good idea. If you can avoid it, then great, that's good. But sometimes if you try and stop cold turkey then relapses are a lot more likely, and they tend to be quite bad ones. Maybe it's be better for you to try and solve what's causing you to self harm. I know that you said you don't think about causation, but it really is important.

I heard a metaphor the other day, and I thought it was pretty good. Basically, if a bath over flows, you can put towels on the floor and wipe up the water, but until you turn off the taps, the water will just keep on coming. Self harm is like putting towels down, when that's a temporary solution, but it won't solve anything, and until you work out what the problem is and sort it out (turn off the taps), then it'll never go away, it'll always be a struggle. But it doesn't need to always be a struggle, if you turn off the taps. It won't be easy, but it's definitely possible. You can self harm to make it seem like it's okay, but the feelings and the problems will never go away until you address them properly.

You know where I am if you need someone to talk to. :hug3:

[kidkizzet]

First of all, don't feel bad about the fact that you relapsed, it's not necessary. It happens. People make mistakes, especially when it comes to things that they're dependent on, it's really hard to give those things up.

Anyway, there are some times when actively trying to stop isn't a good idea. If you can avoid it, then great, that's good. But sometimes if you try and stop cold turkey then relapses are a lot more likely, and they tend to be quite bad ones. Maybe it's be better for you to try and solve what's causing you to self harm. I know that you said you don't think about causation, but it really is important.

I heard a metaphor the other day, and I thought it was pretty good. Basically, if a bath over flows, you can put towels on the floor and wipe up the water, but until you turn off the taps, the water will just keep on coming. Self harm is like putting towels down, when that's a temporary solution, but it won't solve anything, and until you work out what the problem is and sort it out (turn off the taps), then it'll never go away, it'll always be a struggle. But it doesn't need to always be a struggle, if you turn off the taps. It won't be easy, but it's definitely possible. You can self harm to make it seem like it's okay, but the feelings and the problems will never go away until you address them properly.

You know where I am if you need someone to talk to. :hug3:

I'm not really dependent on it, I don't think. I might be, I can't really tell right now, but that's not really important.

I don't like to think about causation because it makes everything in my mind more chaotic and I often feel more triggered. I wish this was a little easier, it's really difficult, more difficult than ever before. I'm more messed up than before, things are way more chaotic and confusing than they've ever been, everything's completely mixed together and incredibly difficult to separate, and if I try and think about what's causing me to self harm then I end up more confused. I don't know.

I know it's only a temporary solution and all, but sometimes temporary solutions are needed to give the opportunity to solve the real issues. I'm finding it really difficult to sort out the real problems, everything's so confusing, and I can't separate anything in my head. I know self harm isn't making my problems go away, but sometimes it's helpful in the short term when there's so much else going on.

I'm sure there's other things I could say but I can't focus or think straight at all. Thanks for replying