Well, this is going to be long for me.

[Jupiter]

If there was a self harm/ family and friends/ school/ depression/ everything is upsetting me section.. this would be the thread to go in there.

This is the long thread I have been wanting to make for a long time. It's a combined rant and a place for me to just get the feelings out that I need. So.. here goes nothing.

Self Harm

80 odd some days ago, I picked up a blade. I heard that it would make me feel better. I thought, "This should help my problems."
What the hell was I thinking? I thought that would help me, but all it did is hurt me, and made me lose all faith in myself. I could not believe that really happened. I still wish it didn't.
Anyway, I basically didn't do it again. Not cutting at least. I started biting my pointer finger. Hard. I know, it sounds rediculous, and it didn't seem like much until the bite marks would last for at least a day. I just wish I would have realized it then that I am a danger to myself.
Last night, I got in the tub, because of my friend. I wasn't expecting it to be anything.. too bad. But, I let the water raise all the way, and once I was getting in, I realized it was WAAY too hot. I got in anyway. I thought that I somehow deserved it. I didn't think anything of that, either.
But when I started pouring water over my head.. over.. and over.. until I couldn't breathe, I decided to talk to some people. Ronnie helped me decide that this was self harm, so I restarted at zero.
Now, I'm terrified to get in the shower, the tub, anything. I just think that I'm gonna turn it to that water temperature again.

Family and Friends

As you may or may not know.. my father has cancer. He hasn't eaten anything for very long. About 2 and a half weeks. He has to blend his food.
Anyway, he thinks he is dying, and I want to believe that he will be okay, but it's just too hard.
I have given up hope for every human being I know in real life. No one can be trusted. My mom is constantly telling me about how I could be so much better. :|

School

I'm the laughing stock of the whole school. Everything I do is wrong. I swear, 80% of the people there always talk about how retarded, gay, stupid, etc I am. It really ticks me off. I wish I could stand up for myself, but everytime I get mad, I just stutter. I can't think straight. If only they joined here....... I could.. I could really tell them how it is.

Depression

On top of all the rest of these things, I just can't stand the thought that these are the best of my days. What the fuck is gonna happen in my bad days? Ugh.

Everything just pisses me off.

Basically that. I don't want to do anything to hurt myself or others, but I just can't stand anything anymore. I'm so fucking sick and tired.

[Stronger]

Omg Eric, I am so sorry to hear about all this, you are one awesome kid that I ever met. Your school is just beyond immature, sad how they have to resort to such low things to make themselves feel good. Again sorry to hear about your father, sad how in this world, that even exist, I truely hope he can beat this cancer, no one deserves cancer, its just a horrible life killer. Does your mom, how you feel right now? Thats an weird answer but is she saying that because she doesn't know the pain you are constantly battling? As for your self-harm you clearly don't desever such a thing, have you tried to talk to someone outside of your family and here? Maybe that can help ease your pain. But over all, your a smart, cute :P and friendly kid and I'm glad we have those moments, I may not be the best help, but I hate seeing those I care for in pain :hug: I hope things get better, let me know if you ever need to talk, even if its dumb/silly/w.e I'll always be here.

[Jupiter]

thanks man.

i don't think i trust anyone enough to talk to them about this. but, she is probably going through worse.

[Stronger]

Anytime, and I don't blame you that you don't trust anyone and I'm sure your mom is going through alot, cause I don't think she wants him gone.

[Jupiter]

Yeah, I just don't know who is what to me anymore.

[Stronger]

Do you have any family members near by that is avaible to talk to? They may not seem like alot, but they are better than nothing

[Jupiter]

my brother is coming home from college on the weekend. ill probably tell him something.

[Stronger]

Well thats good, better than having no one to talk to (in-person)

[Jupiter]

yeah. i think basically, maggie (my girlfriend) is the last person that i will trust for a while irl outside of my family.

[beplubber24]

I know it can be tough with those assholes who scrutinize everything you say, it happens to me every day, but I just ignore them for the most part (yes, I know, harder than it sound s) but you can get over this. Don't be discouraged that you're starting back at zero. And I have tried to hurt myself too, not the best feeling in the world, but then I think how easy I have it, and how many other people stick with it although life absolutely sucks, I mean abusive parents, just the whole nine yards. That's what kept me from hurting myself, well, that and my sister caught me. And if you're having troubles with those kids, just tell, and if they keep harassing you, just keep telling, they're just not worth it. Either tell on them(not tattling on them, tattling, a.k.a. snitching, on them would be "He said fuck", bullying is a big problem, and remember, those kids might be going through the same thing, just handling it differently. Don't worry, you're not alone. P.S. Have your girlfriend to take you to the school psych.

[Borxar]

I'm sorry you arent doing so well Eric :( I hope this helps:

Self-Harm: You are trying to deal with everything that is going wrong and using it as an outlet to try and take away the pain but it isnt the best way to do that. You have to know that you are special and that it isnt your fault that the situations are not good at the moment, so dont feel you have to punish yourself!

Family and Friends: Yeah Im sorry about your dad and the road to recovery can be a long one, but trust that he can get better. He may feel that way because all males tend to feel that way and it must be a scary situation for him as well. And your mother probably doesnt mean what she says but is going through alot, just be patient and helpful with her until your dad feels better! Trust can be a hard thing and can be thinned when situations get stressed, but it is important that you have trust in people because that is your greatest support. I am always someone that can be trusted if ever you need me.

School: School is a tough one, because its cruel sometimes I know :( Try to associate with people one on one as that will show their real selves rather then a group dynamic and hopefully you find someone that you can have a good friendship with. You are not wrong because you do things differently and dont feel you always need to retaliate. Be polite and you may be able to change their attitudes or else you will have to tell someone cause bullying is not tolerated!

Depression and everything else: Hang in there dude, sometimes we get to points that seem like the suffering will never end but there is always something good coming and those bad times can help you build character. But your life has value and this is fact if God chose to die for you. You need to see yourself for the fun-loving special person you are and no matter what life throws at you, you can be strong and get through it because you are never without support and dear friend I hope that you start to feel better soon!

Aaron