I just want freedom...

[muffin with a knife]

I don't want to waste anybody's time but I just feel the need to write this.
Anyway, I just feel worthless. I had to go to the school councilor and she told me that she can't help me. She suggested a psychiatrist and looked at me like I was crazy or something. I feel trapped and I just want to break free from my life. I have been thinking a lot about suicide lately. I even started to buy pills and to hope that ,maybe, I get it right this time. I just feel like I am worse than dirt under peoples shoes. I am never able to do anything right ,not even killing myself, and it hurts. I just go to sleep crying every night and hope that I don't wake up next day. I know that my life isn't as bad as it used to be but I just can't pretend to be okay anymore. I feel like I'm breaking everyday . I don't really know what to do anymore. I just want to be free... free from myself, from the hate that I feel towards myself, free from cutting, from depression, free from my life. My mother can't understand how I feel so I stopped trying to explain to her. The persons I thought they were my friends just abandoned me one by one and I can't seem to find anyone that cares about me. I think that suicide is my best option -sad,right?- even though I can't even do that right. Also my birthday is coming and I don't know how to avoid it. I can't understand why should I celebrate the day that a mistake was born.
I'm so tired of pretending to feel anything. Sorry if you wasted your time for something as worthless as me ...

[Breakeven]

Aww hun , if u want to talk im here for u , first dont care about with ur school doctor think coz ur not crazy , u just have depression , about the pills u should stop buying them that not the answer , believe me u dont want died , overdose is the worse way to die n painful as hell what u need to do is move out if u dont have money start saving inseted of spending it on buyin pills , change school , do something diffrenet , if u think ur pain will end if u die ur wrong hun , talk to someone about ur pain and btw ur not worthless and u didnt waste my time , hugs

[HandheldOutlaw]

Not sure at all what to say to this, but if you ever want to talk, I'm here!
Suicide is not the way, no matter the situation.
Thinking of youxx

[CuriousDestruction]

Sorry if you wasted your time for something as worthless as me ...


Something as worthless, as you? Hey, you're a human being love, therefore it is impossible to be worthless. When you say otherwise you imply that any other human being can be just as worthless. And they aren't.

Your friends are leaving you, and i'm sorry. It sounds like things do seem pretty hopeless. But if your friends are leaving you that just means they are not your friends. Time to find new ones.

And if the school counselor says you should go to a psychiatrist it doesn't mean you're crazy. It means maybe you need a little help getting through the shitty part of life you are going through right now.

I can't make you do anything and i'm not going to command you to go to a psychiatrist, but they can really help. They are schooled and trained to help. I will however say this, don't call yourself worthless. For reasons mentioned above. You are human. You are as beautiful as a rose and as worthy to live as Mother Teresa. Love yourself. Wear that love like armor. And once you've done it, nothing can hurt you.

[muffin with a knife]

Thank you for your replies. I never met somebody that tried to make feel better or understood me and gave me advises. It feels nice to have someone to support you.
Tomorrow I have to go to the counselor again and I'm really anxious about it. That woman always makes me feel like I belong in a mental hospital. I am not crazy I'm just depressed and have huge problems with myself.

[Mortal Coil]

I know that feeling that you have towards the counselor, like she's judging you too harshly for something that's a) not your fault and b) not as crazy as she thinks.
You are not worthless, just look at all the replies you've gotten. You're worth our time and effort and a lot more than that. I'm not asking you to be happy, just hoping you can find it in you to be that way.
If you ever need to talk, just PM me or anyone else, not trying to whore out my inbox or anything. We're all here to help you, because you're worth it.