Princess Ariel
February 25th, 2012, 08:01 PM
I've been working on a book, and I thought i'd share it with all of you. I've had writers block for the past month, and I have no idea how to continue it.
Here it is.
"Child, tell me, what is this all about?" That's how it started. That's how it always starts, with a few simple words. Sometimes the words are scary ; they shake the fear of not being heard. Sometimes they love; you can feel the care hidden beneath them. And sometimes they are confused, that's the most unusual time, when they don't know what they are saying. When I speak the responding words always answer with a puzzled edge to them. The feeling of the sounds they make would run through my head. They force their way through paths that aren't created yet; paths that aren't supposed to be created. Colours form in the back of my mind. Colours that aren't real. They aren't real. The never were real though, their always nothing. Buried inside something deep and dark, somewhere you can't see. That's what my mind is, it's nothing. There are only colours inside my head, like a rainbow of imagination. The colours though are only what I think I see, since my mind really isn't anything.
"Now child, tell me what this is about."
I look back up to Lyne, our mother wisdom, with tired eyes. " I'm lost." I tell her plainly, in my words there is no hidden meaning. "Child", she tells me, the confusion showing in her eyes now, " I don't understand what you mean." She reaches out towards me with her old withered fingers and gestures towards her. I stand up calmly and move in the direction of her. "Hand me your palm", she tells me without looking at me.
I look down at my hands sitting almost lifelessly on my lap. I lift them slowly and place them lightly against her own outstretched hands.
Her weather worn hands looks so old beyond me soft,smooth hand. She closes her eyes and folds her long fingers around my whole hand. Silence follows the act and everything around us goes dark. Not completely dark, I can still see the outlines of surrounding objects. The world is one with her mind. "Close your eyes", the darkness seems to whisper at me. And I obey.
My hand feels as if it is getting warmer as the darkness increases. A minute passes without anything happening. My terrified breath comes out in short, uneven puffs. The room becomes darker and my hand becomes warmer and warmer.
My breath and pulse quicken. The room is black and my hand feels as if it is on fire. I gasp in what I think is pain but what I soon realize is only understanding. Lyne loosens her grip on my hand, and as she does it I see a small light forming in the centre of my palm. Curious, I peer closer at the light. Lyne continues to unravel her hand from around mine completely, only letting the tips of our fingertips touch. My face feels as id being pulled closer and closer to the small flame in my hand . I can feel my cheeks become red and tears drip from my eyes because of the heat. When my face is level with the light I can see inside of it, almost as if I am looking at another world.
A desert, vast and empty, sits as if it is lost. In the center of it sits a lioness, alone. Her amber eyes shine out at the world surrounding her. She stands, looking around her, almost threatening something to come at her, and when nothing does she looks up at the sky.
A light wind comes down and rides through her fur. She sakes it off and starts running. Her paws thud against the dull brown dirt silently. Her breathing speeds up and I find my own breath matching her pace, suddenly she stops. And I stop; my mind seems to be one with this lion.
Her head turns and looks around her gaze seems to be looking out at me she walks forward;almost towards me.
Her eyes seem to be looking into ming, becoming fixated with me. Then she seems to smirk.
After that, the fire goes out and it's dark again. I look up to where I think Lyne is sitting, and suddenly I see her. She smiles at me, her wrinkled face folding over itself.
"You child, have the soul of the lion. This is the very beginning of your life." She pulls her fingers away from mine now and looks at me seriously. Her eyes show something I can't identify. "You have chosen to become one of us."
Then she stands up and walks away slowly. She closes the space between us with the loud slam of a door.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
You see it all started on a Monday.
A regular Monday like any other.
I saw dad that one day. Sleeping. Or so I thought.
In a few seconds, I felt my body get all cold.
Tearful eyes.
Just like if my world is crumbling around me,and the walls were about to crush my soul.
For some odd reason my hand gripped my heart. I found it hard to breathe.
Gasping for my breath, I was told the reason.
That he was gone never to return ; this man was my father.
A painful tear rolled down my cheek, I was 6.
I thought I was gonna see you when I returned from school that day.
You never showed.
This was starting to become a regular occurrence.
A few more days past and I finally build up the courage to ask Mom.
She told me. In the bluntest of ways that dad was gone, and that I would never see him till the afterlife.
Ever since then I felt so secluded. I didn't want to get too close to anything because I was scared that this would happen again. I've felt so alone ; and this is where my cutting started. My necessity to always want to be alone. Alone and cry in my bedroom. Where I wouldn't be judged.
" I love you Child, I always have and I always did"
These were his last words, it still haunts me.
It attacks me at the worst times.
Not a day goes by without me thinking of you.
When I'm in pain. The word I scream is David.
The Man who loved me, till that dreadful day when god called your name"
When I see your grave.
I feel as if I'm talking to you.
It's just this inner feeling I have, when I'm near with you.
Your presence still follows me.
I can feel it. Everyday.
It's chasing me everyday as I live
I wish things were back to the way they used to be.
When your smiled greeted me when I came home.
But I'm forced to come home alone.
In the darkness, how you died.
But you didn't die in vain and loneliness.
You were cherished. Cherished by many.
Your family loved you.
They still do.
I started to see social workers after you past away.
I couldn't wrap my head and put words into the way I felt.
I turned violent from angst, and pain.
Nothing would help.
I was out of control
I was unstoppable.
It was my way of unleashing my pain.
I gave up. No one showed they could fix me.
I've been broken beyond repair, and no one decided too put in the energy.
I was a waste of their time.
A waste of space.
I then met Lyne. She showed me the good things in life, why we were pulled onto earth, and our purpose in life.
"I still doubt my reason" I told her. " I still feel unwanted, and neglected. I'm all alone" I continued to tell her.
She tried to help me. But she was unsuccessful.
She then proceeded with the question.
"Child, tell me, what is this all about?"
I proceeded with telling her.
The soul of lion.
What does this mean.
I still think about it.
If I'm a lion. Does that mean that I am strong?
Does it mean that I can overcome anything. Fear. Pain.
I try to roar.
But I'm forced to keep it in.
Locked inside. Trapped.
A tiger trying to be unleashed.
Like a scared little girl.
Eyes just glistened to the world.
How I Wish heaven had a phone
So I could hear your voice again
I thought of you today, but that's nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence
I often speak your name
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame
Your memory is a keepsake from which I'll never part
Your creator holds you in his hands,
While I'll keep you in my heart
I've cried myself to sleep to many times to count? One? Two? More like in the thousands.
I wish you could come back, and help me through this dark, and scary time in my life.
My lion has disappeared said Lyne.
It has now turned into a dog.
I've lost my ability to roar.
I don't disagree.
My little pathetic cry's for help. No wonder I'm a fucking dog.
I can be used for other peoples happiness, but never for my own.
I'm alone. Worthless. Used.
My happiness has been sucked out of life. My life. It has been eaten away by blades.
Poking, and bleeding. I can feel the rush coursing through my veins.
-End Chapter 1-
Suggestions? Criticism?
Thanks for reading.
Here it is.
"Child, tell me, what is this all about?" That's how it started. That's how it always starts, with a few simple words. Sometimes the words are scary ; they shake the fear of not being heard. Sometimes they love; you can feel the care hidden beneath them. And sometimes they are confused, that's the most unusual time, when they don't know what they are saying. When I speak the responding words always answer with a puzzled edge to them. The feeling of the sounds they make would run through my head. They force their way through paths that aren't created yet; paths that aren't supposed to be created. Colours form in the back of my mind. Colours that aren't real. They aren't real. The never were real though, their always nothing. Buried inside something deep and dark, somewhere you can't see. That's what my mind is, it's nothing. There are only colours inside my head, like a rainbow of imagination. The colours though are only what I think I see, since my mind really isn't anything.
"Now child, tell me what this is about."
I look back up to Lyne, our mother wisdom, with tired eyes. " I'm lost." I tell her plainly, in my words there is no hidden meaning. "Child", she tells me, the confusion showing in her eyes now, " I don't understand what you mean." She reaches out towards me with her old withered fingers and gestures towards her. I stand up calmly and move in the direction of her. "Hand me your palm", she tells me without looking at me.
I look down at my hands sitting almost lifelessly on my lap. I lift them slowly and place them lightly against her own outstretched hands.
Her weather worn hands looks so old beyond me soft,smooth hand. She closes her eyes and folds her long fingers around my whole hand. Silence follows the act and everything around us goes dark. Not completely dark, I can still see the outlines of surrounding objects. The world is one with her mind. "Close your eyes", the darkness seems to whisper at me. And I obey.
My hand feels as if it is getting warmer as the darkness increases. A minute passes without anything happening. My terrified breath comes out in short, uneven puffs. The room becomes darker and my hand becomes warmer and warmer.
My breath and pulse quicken. The room is black and my hand feels as if it is on fire. I gasp in what I think is pain but what I soon realize is only understanding. Lyne loosens her grip on my hand, and as she does it I see a small light forming in the centre of my palm. Curious, I peer closer at the light. Lyne continues to unravel her hand from around mine completely, only letting the tips of our fingertips touch. My face feels as id being pulled closer and closer to the small flame in my hand . I can feel my cheeks become red and tears drip from my eyes because of the heat. When my face is level with the light I can see inside of it, almost as if I am looking at another world.
A desert, vast and empty, sits as if it is lost. In the center of it sits a lioness, alone. Her amber eyes shine out at the world surrounding her. She stands, looking around her, almost threatening something to come at her, and when nothing does she looks up at the sky.
A light wind comes down and rides through her fur. She sakes it off and starts running. Her paws thud against the dull brown dirt silently. Her breathing speeds up and I find my own breath matching her pace, suddenly she stops. And I stop; my mind seems to be one with this lion.
Her head turns and looks around her gaze seems to be looking out at me she walks forward;almost towards me.
Her eyes seem to be looking into ming, becoming fixated with me. Then she seems to smirk.
After that, the fire goes out and it's dark again. I look up to where I think Lyne is sitting, and suddenly I see her. She smiles at me, her wrinkled face folding over itself.
"You child, have the soul of the lion. This is the very beginning of your life." She pulls her fingers away from mine now and looks at me seriously. Her eyes show something I can't identify. "You have chosen to become one of us."
Then she stands up and walks away slowly. She closes the space between us with the loud slam of a door.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
You see it all started on a Monday.
A regular Monday like any other.
I saw dad that one day. Sleeping. Or so I thought.
In a few seconds, I felt my body get all cold.
Tearful eyes.
Just like if my world is crumbling around me,and the walls were about to crush my soul.
For some odd reason my hand gripped my heart. I found it hard to breathe.
Gasping for my breath, I was told the reason.
That he was gone never to return ; this man was my father.
A painful tear rolled down my cheek, I was 6.
I thought I was gonna see you when I returned from school that day.
You never showed.
This was starting to become a regular occurrence.
A few more days past and I finally build up the courage to ask Mom.
She told me. In the bluntest of ways that dad was gone, and that I would never see him till the afterlife.
Ever since then I felt so secluded. I didn't want to get too close to anything because I was scared that this would happen again. I've felt so alone ; and this is where my cutting started. My necessity to always want to be alone. Alone and cry in my bedroom. Where I wouldn't be judged.
" I love you Child, I always have and I always did"
These were his last words, it still haunts me.
It attacks me at the worst times.
Not a day goes by without me thinking of you.
When I'm in pain. The word I scream is David.
The Man who loved me, till that dreadful day when god called your name"
When I see your grave.
I feel as if I'm talking to you.
It's just this inner feeling I have, when I'm near with you.
Your presence still follows me.
I can feel it. Everyday.
It's chasing me everyday as I live
I wish things were back to the way they used to be.
When your smiled greeted me when I came home.
But I'm forced to come home alone.
In the darkness, how you died.
But you didn't die in vain and loneliness.
You were cherished. Cherished by many.
Your family loved you.
They still do.
I started to see social workers after you past away.
I couldn't wrap my head and put words into the way I felt.
I turned violent from angst, and pain.
Nothing would help.
I was out of control
I was unstoppable.
It was my way of unleashing my pain.
I gave up. No one showed they could fix me.
I've been broken beyond repair, and no one decided too put in the energy.
I was a waste of their time.
A waste of space.
I then met Lyne. She showed me the good things in life, why we were pulled onto earth, and our purpose in life.
"I still doubt my reason" I told her. " I still feel unwanted, and neglected. I'm all alone" I continued to tell her.
She tried to help me. But she was unsuccessful.
She then proceeded with the question.
"Child, tell me, what is this all about?"
I proceeded with telling her.
The soul of lion.
What does this mean.
I still think about it.
If I'm a lion. Does that mean that I am strong?
Does it mean that I can overcome anything. Fear. Pain.
I try to roar.
But I'm forced to keep it in.
Locked inside. Trapped.
A tiger trying to be unleashed.
Like a scared little girl.
Eyes just glistened to the world.
How I Wish heaven had a phone
So I could hear your voice again
I thought of you today, but that's nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence
I often speak your name
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame
Your memory is a keepsake from which I'll never part
Your creator holds you in his hands,
While I'll keep you in my heart
I've cried myself to sleep to many times to count? One? Two? More like in the thousands.
I wish you could come back, and help me through this dark, and scary time in my life.
My lion has disappeared said Lyne.
It has now turned into a dog.
I've lost my ability to roar.
I don't disagree.
My little pathetic cry's for help. No wonder I'm a fucking dog.
I can be used for other peoples happiness, but never for my own.
I'm alone. Worthless. Used.
My happiness has been sucked out of life. My life. It has been eaten away by blades.
Poking, and bleeding. I can feel the rush coursing through my veins.
-End Chapter 1-
Suggestions? Criticism?
Thanks for reading.