MysticalBurrito
February 25th, 2012, 10:41 AM
This is part of a short story I'm doing for school, tell me what you think, what needs to be fixed, etc. It's due by monday. o.o
I know there are a lot of errors so far, but I'll deal with those last. Thankies.
The day she arrived in our little town is a day I will ever forget. She changed my life for the better, but left a hole too big to fill. You see, before she can here, my life was a jumbled up mess. Mother Mary fainted when she found out someone was moving into our town. Of course she was the first one to find out, she’s in control of practically everything in this town. As soon as her ears got hold of this news it spread quicker then wildfire. The next day at school it was just as bad, all the whispering involved what she was going to be like, who would she hang out with, would the teachers like her? The only question that went through my head was, would she know I existed? The next couple weeks went by in a blur and eventually everyone forgot that we were supposed to have someone move in.
“How was work?” My Mom asked across the table during dinner. The silence was deafening, the stranger at the other side of the table picked at the noodles and beans on his plate before pushing it away. “I have to go back to work tonight.” He said bluntly before getting up slowly and going to the key rack for his car keys. Sighing deeply I watched him walk out, he does this all the time. He goes off and leaves Mom here to cry her heart out every night. She doesn’t know where he goes, but I do. She doesn’t have a clue. Her smile slowly falls from her face and her eyes turn downcast. “Mom, want to watch a movie or work on a puzzle until he gets back?” I ask her, she nods and walks over to her puzzle board in the living room and we start the movie. This is the fifth time he’s done this in the last week, and three of the times I’ve followed him to Mother Penny’s house. He can say it’s work, but it isn’t. My Mom sighs deeply across the board from me as she places another piece in the puzzle. “Maybe Dad’s working on another cold case? You know how secretive Dad is about his work…” I can see her throat move as she swallows hard. “Why aren’t we enough? He’s always working, he promised he wouldn’t do this again.” She gets up and hurries to the bathroom, where the shower runs loud enough to cover her muffled sobs. This isn’t the first time this has happened, she cries every time Dad leaves and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Looking out the window I can see fireflies slowly rising from the dew covered ground. Standing up, I grab my coat and go to the only spot I know to go to.
Grabbing hold of the cold metal, I drag myself up the tower of stairs until I reach the way top of the Greenville tower. Looking over the railing everything looks so small. The fireflies look like little stars rising from the impossibly dark world. “Who are you?” A feminine voice asks behind me. Looking back I see a girl, a thin fragile and shockingly gorgeous girl. She looks like she’s about my age. “That doesn’t matter, what are you doing up here? Nobody goes up her besides me.” I turn away from the railing and sit along the wall of the tower facing her. “That doesn’t matter either.” She says lightly sitting along the wall on her side, facing me. “Why are you here?” She looks at me thoughtfully. I breathe out and think about my answer, “To think, you?” She looks over the edge down to the church. “My house wasn’t the best place to be anymore.” Pulling out a cigarette, I reply. “I guess what we’ll get along just fine, then.” Lighting it I look up at the stars and try to find the Big Dipper, pulling in a long breath of the smoke. “You know smoking can kill you, right?” The mystery girl says across the tower. Blowing a cloud of smoke to the side of me, I smile for the first time today. “Dying from smoking is my last worry, Sweetheart.” She shrugs, puts her earphones back on, and looks bad down at the CD player in her lap. Getting up, I crush the burning embers of the cigarette, before I start climbing down the tower I look at her once more, but her eyes are closed and she looks half asleep. Once I’m at ground level I wonder if that’s the girl everyone has been expecting.
When I slowly open the door hoping Mom doesn’t realize I’ve been out so late, the yelling and the smell of alcohol welcomes me. “How could you?” She’s yelling at Dad and tears are streaming down her face. “How could you leave OUR house every night for HER?” She screams even louder and shoves him forcefully. He stands there, unaffected by her yelling and raises his hand. I see it coming and get in front of her just as he’s about to hit her. “Leave.” I say through gritted teeth. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do.” He says back drunkenly and sways a little. “I know where you’ve been, I know who you’ve been with. Leave now, you’ve done enough.” I demand, angry at the whole situation. When he doesn’t move, I push the huge man out the door with all the power I have and lock the door. Sliding down to the floor by the door I look up to my Mom and notice a deep red mark appearing around her eye. “He hit you, didn’t he?” I ask in a small voice. She nods and a small whimper leaves her mouth, she puts her hand over her mouth to stop her crying. “We’ll go to the police station tomorrow to file a report and try to get him away from us.” She shakes her head, “No, we won’t. He was drunk, you know how he is when he’s been drinking. He’ll be better tomorrow.” I sigh, “You know he’ll just do it again.” When she doesn’t reply I wander to my room and lie in my bed.
My parents hadn’t always been a train-wreck couple. They did truly love each other until recently, at least that what I like to believe. They had met each other in college and they fell in love. But Mom had to drop out when she got pregnant with me, and Dad continued his studies to be a doctor. That’s when things started changing a little at a time. Being nineteen, my Mom wasn’t prepared in any way to raise a baby on her own since my Dad was off at college living the life. So, she summoned the help of my Grandma, who didn’t support their relationship at all. Nobody did really, they acted like they did, but somehow deep down inside I think people knew that they weren’t meant to be. When I was three they were my idols, never doing any wrong in my eyes. We never went to church, nor have I ever stepped in one. I’d be too scared to be shot down by lightening if I even touched a bible. I think my Mom feels the same ever since her and Dad started fighting like cats and dogs. They never fought when I was young. The fighting didn’t start until Dad started disappearing and Mom’s mental breakdowns started all over again. Sometimes it makes me wonder if love really does exist.
The next morning I drag myself out of bed on an hour of sleep and a soreness that never completely leaves my body. After a quick shower, I grab my backpack and slowly open the door hoping it’s quiet enough not to wake my dad up on our front porch. Looking out I see him lying in a puddle of his own bodily fluids, disgusted I set my backpack down and nudge him awake. “Come on, Dad. We have to clean you up.” Mumbling incoherently he tries to stand up but stumbles, so I put his arm over my shoulder and lead him to the bathroom. “You really screwed up this time…” I mumble as I take his shirt off and jeans before I get him to go into the tub. Reaching up I start the water and make sure it’s warm enough before I give him a towel to wipe off his face and a bar of soap. “You good enough to do it yourself? I have to get to school.” He mumbles a reply and I get out of the room and take my sweatshirt off and replace it with a hoodie that doesn’t smell like vomit.
Walking to school is the easy part of the day, it’s about half a mile away and I can get there within 10 minutes.
I know there are a lot of errors so far, but I'll deal with those last. Thankies.
The day she arrived in our little town is a day I will ever forget. She changed my life for the better, but left a hole too big to fill. You see, before she can here, my life was a jumbled up mess. Mother Mary fainted when she found out someone was moving into our town. Of course she was the first one to find out, she’s in control of practically everything in this town. As soon as her ears got hold of this news it spread quicker then wildfire. The next day at school it was just as bad, all the whispering involved what she was going to be like, who would she hang out with, would the teachers like her? The only question that went through my head was, would she know I existed? The next couple weeks went by in a blur and eventually everyone forgot that we were supposed to have someone move in.
“How was work?” My Mom asked across the table during dinner. The silence was deafening, the stranger at the other side of the table picked at the noodles and beans on his plate before pushing it away. “I have to go back to work tonight.” He said bluntly before getting up slowly and going to the key rack for his car keys. Sighing deeply I watched him walk out, he does this all the time. He goes off and leaves Mom here to cry her heart out every night. She doesn’t know where he goes, but I do. She doesn’t have a clue. Her smile slowly falls from her face and her eyes turn downcast. “Mom, want to watch a movie or work on a puzzle until he gets back?” I ask her, she nods and walks over to her puzzle board in the living room and we start the movie. This is the fifth time he’s done this in the last week, and three of the times I’ve followed him to Mother Penny’s house. He can say it’s work, but it isn’t. My Mom sighs deeply across the board from me as she places another piece in the puzzle. “Maybe Dad’s working on another cold case? You know how secretive Dad is about his work…” I can see her throat move as she swallows hard. “Why aren’t we enough? He’s always working, he promised he wouldn’t do this again.” She gets up and hurries to the bathroom, where the shower runs loud enough to cover her muffled sobs. This isn’t the first time this has happened, she cries every time Dad leaves and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Looking out the window I can see fireflies slowly rising from the dew covered ground. Standing up, I grab my coat and go to the only spot I know to go to.
Grabbing hold of the cold metal, I drag myself up the tower of stairs until I reach the way top of the Greenville tower. Looking over the railing everything looks so small. The fireflies look like little stars rising from the impossibly dark world. “Who are you?” A feminine voice asks behind me. Looking back I see a girl, a thin fragile and shockingly gorgeous girl. She looks like she’s about my age. “That doesn’t matter, what are you doing up here? Nobody goes up her besides me.” I turn away from the railing and sit along the wall of the tower facing her. “That doesn’t matter either.” She says lightly sitting along the wall on her side, facing me. “Why are you here?” She looks at me thoughtfully. I breathe out and think about my answer, “To think, you?” She looks over the edge down to the church. “My house wasn’t the best place to be anymore.” Pulling out a cigarette, I reply. “I guess what we’ll get along just fine, then.” Lighting it I look up at the stars and try to find the Big Dipper, pulling in a long breath of the smoke. “You know smoking can kill you, right?” The mystery girl says across the tower. Blowing a cloud of smoke to the side of me, I smile for the first time today. “Dying from smoking is my last worry, Sweetheart.” She shrugs, puts her earphones back on, and looks bad down at the CD player in her lap. Getting up, I crush the burning embers of the cigarette, before I start climbing down the tower I look at her once more, but her eyes are closed and she looks half asleep. Once I’m at ground level I wonder if that’s the girl everyone has been expecting.
When I slowly open the door hoping Mom doesn’t realize I’ve been out so late, the yelling and the smell of alcohol welcomes me. “How could you?” She’s yelling at Dad and tears are streaming down her face. “How could you leave OUR house every night for HER?” She screams even louder and shoves him forcefully. He stands there, unaffected by her yelling and raises his hand. I see it coming and get in front of her just as he’s about to hit her. “Leave.” I say through gritted teeth. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do.” He says back drunkenly and sways a little. “I know where you’ve been, I know who you’ve been with. Leave now, you’ve done enough.” I demand, angry at the whole situation. When he doesn’t move, I push the huge man out the door with all the power I have and lock the door. Sliding down to the floor by the door I look up to my Mom and notice a deep red mark appearing around her eye. “He hit you, didn’t he?” I ask in a small voice. She nods and a small whimper leaves her mouth, she puts her hand over her mouth to stop her crying. “We’ll go to the police station tomorrow to file a report and try to get him away from us.” She shakes her head, “No, we won’t. He was drunk, you know how he is when he’s been drinking. He’ll be better tomorrow.” I sigh, “You know he’ll just do it again.” When she doesn’t reply I wander to my room and lie in my bed.
My parents hadn’t always been a train-wreck couple. They did truly love each other until recently, at least that what I like to believe. They had met each other in college and they fell in love. But Mom had to drop out when she got pregnant with me, and Dad continued his studies to be a doctor. That’s when things started changing a little at a time. Being nineteen, my Mom wasn’t prepared in any way to raise a baby on her own since my Dad was off at college living the life. So, she summoned the help of my Grandma, who didn’t support their relationship at all. Nobody did really, they acted like they did, but somehow deep down inside I think people knew that they weren’t meant to be. When I was three they were my idols, never doing any wrong in my eyes. We never went to church, nor have I ever stepped in one. I’d be too scared to be shot down by lightening if I even touched a bible. I think my Mom feels the same ever since her and Dad started fighting like cats and dogs. They never fought when I was young. The fighting didn’t start until Dad started disappearing and Mom’s mental breakdowns started all over again. Sometimes it makes me wonder if love really does exist.
The next morning I drag myself out of bed on an hour of sleep and a soreness that never completely leaves my body. After a quick shower, I grab my backpack and slowly open the door hoping it’s quiet enough not to wake my dad up on our front porch. Looking out I see him lying in a puddle of his own bodily fluids, disgusted I set my backpack down and nudge him awake. “Come on, Dad. We have to clean you up.” Mumbling incoherently he tries to stand up but stumbles, so I put his arm over my shoulder and lead him to the bathroom. “You really screwed up this time…” I mumble as I take his shirt off and jeans before I get him to go into the tub. Reaching up I start the water and make sure it’s warm enough before I give him a towel to wipe off his face and a bar of soap. “You good enough to do it yourself? I have to get to school.” He mumbles a reply and I get out of the room and take my sweatshirt off and replace it with a hoodie that doesn’t smell like vomit.
Walking to school is the easy part of the day, it’s about half a mile away and I can get there within 10 minutes.